King Bowser
by Walkazo
Summary: Come not between the Koopa and his wrath. Bowser conquered the Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland long ago, but now that he is old and senile, Daisy is poised to turn the Koopalings on each other and take it all back. A modern, "Mario" take on Shakespeare's "King Lear".
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Mario**_**, Nintendo does. I also don't own the plot of this fic, since it is actually **_**King Lear**_**, by William Shakespeare. This applies to all the chapters, but I'll only be saying it once.**

**Author's Note: This is the third Shakespearean play that I've turned into a **_**Mario**_** fanfic, and hopefully it won't be the last. I was able to come up with cast of characters that fit both the play and **_**Mario**_** fairly well – it's not perfect like **_**Richard **__**III**_**-**_**Bowser **__**II**_**, mind you, but it's certainly better than **_**Hamlet**_**-**_**Luigi**_**. The biggest challenge was sorting out all the peripheral characters so that I could reuse **_**Mario**_** characters in various scenes; generally I'm good at that, but it was a real challenge this time around. For one thing, there were A LOT of extras, and only one of them had a name; I've dealt with this before, but when you take into account the fact that these extras are divided amongst three parties in **_**King Lear**_**, it gets even harder. I had to make sure the right people were in the right place at the right time for each scene, and since the extras seemed to change hands from act to act, I couldn't even use peoples' allegiances to decide who can play what half the time. But in the end, I think I finally got it all sorted out.**

**Rated T for violence, character death, coarse language and mature themes (particularly sexuality, though nothing explicate so I'm not hiking it up to M). Blame Shakespeare, not me – these were **_**his**_** ideas.**

As always, here's the cast, showing which _Mario_ characters (in bold) are playing which Shakespearean characters. I've included little explanations about who's-who in _King Lear_, though these relationships don't necessarily carry over to _King Bowser_. All the nameless extras (listed as Attendants, Gentlemen, Servants, Messengers, Soldiers, Officers and Captains in _King Lear_) are here too, though to save on space, I have lumped them together under the general header "Attendants/Soldiers". Edmund, Gloucester, Goneril, Regan, Cornwall and Albany "share" minions, so those extras are all listed together, whereas the few Attendants/Soldiers with unwavering loyalties to one despot are listed separately.

Cast of Characters

Lear, King of England: **Bowser  
**Goneril, Lear's eldest daughter: **Larry**  
Albany, Goneril's husband: **Roy**  
Oswald, Goneril's steward: **Toadsworth**  
Regan, Lear's second daughter: **Iggy**  
Cornwall, Regan's husband: **Wendy  
**Cordelia, Lear's youngest daughter: **Peach**  
France, the King of France: **Mario**  
Doctor, a French doctor / Marshal of France / Attendants of France: **Luigi**  
Kent, an earl: **Kamek**  
Gloucester, another earl: **Ludwig**  
Edmund, Gloucester's bastard son: **Daisy**  
Edgar, Gloucester's legitimate son: **Lemmy**  
Fool, Lear's court jester: **Kammy**  
Herald, a herald employed by Albany: **Fawful**  
First Servant, one of Cornwall's servants: **Bowser Jr.**  
Second and Third Servants, more of Cornwall's servants: **Hammer Bros.**  
Burgundy, a duke / Curan, Edmund's friend / Attendants/Soldiers: **Wario**  
Attendants/Soldiers loyal to Lear: **Morton**  
Attendants/Soldiers loyal to France: **Toad and Toadette  
**Attendants/Soldiers loyal to Edmund, Gloucester, Goneril, Regan, Cornwall and/or Albany: **Waluigi**, **Petey Piranha and King Boo**

As with my other Shakespeare adaptations, the Koopalings are adults in this story, but I won't be offering any in-text descriptions, as that takes to long and isn't very relevant to the story anyway. You can use your imagination or picture them as they appear in the actual games – either one will work. Personally, I picture all the Koopalings as adults, except for Lemmy, who I still envision as looking the same as he does in the games, whereas the others are all around Bowser's height, give or take a foot. I also picture Morton as short and round, but that's totally irrelevant.

Also, just to make the political scene a bit clearer, here's a breakdown of how the land is divided in the play: Bowser is the King of the Koopa Kingdom, which now consists of, not only Dark Land, but of Sarasaland and Mushroom Land too. I say "Mushroom _Land_" because it's not a "kingdom" anymore, having been conquered by Bowser. Similarly, the various "kingdoms" of Sarasaland (Chai, Birabuto, Muda and Easton) are now provinces of the country that is Sarasaland; Dark Land and Mushroom Land are classified as countries in this story too. I'll still do some in-story explanation, but I wanted to make sure I had it all clearly summed-up somewhere, just in case the narrative gets confusing.

And now that that's out of the way, on with the show!


	2. Act I Scene i

**Author's Note****:**** I always thought the premise behind **_**King Lear**_** was a little shaky, and I'm afraid I wasn't able to make it overly plausible in this version either. I had to expand a lot of parts to get all the background exposition in, but I also simplified and shortened other aspects of this scene to balance that out. The next scene is better… I hope.**

King Bowser

Act I. Scene i.

Kamek shuffled through the empty corridor, humming to himself as he made his way towards the Throne Room. He knew it would be a few more minutes before Bowser started the ceremonies – provided all the Koopalings made it there on time, of course. Kamek laughed at the thought: never, in all his years of service, could he remember all if Bowser's children arriving on time for anything, no matter how important it was. Though if there ever was a time to be punctual, it would be now.

The borders hadn't changed since Bowser had taken over both the Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland a few years back, once Mario and Luigi got tired of stopping him on a daily basis, and moved back to Brooklyn. Even then, Bowser (following Kamek's advise) bided his time – waiting for everyone to stop anticipating his next attack, and waiting for Peach's father to die, since he knew she'd be an easier conquest. By the time the Mario bros. got wind of Bowser's latest, greatest invasion, it was too late. They could've defeated him if they _wanted_, but just as Kamek had predicted, Peach stopped them; she was tired of the constant struggle, and a peaceful surrender was far more appealing to her than a bloody victory. Eventually life returned to normal, and everyone made peace with everyone else; the few dissenters were sent away.

Kamek turned as a pair of footsteps entered the hall from one of the side-doors. He grinned, he had been expecting one of the Koopalings to be late, and as usual, he had been correct. But he had to admit, he wasn't expecting _Ludwig_ to be the tardy one this time.

"Hello Kamek," said the eldest Koopaling, jogging up to the old Magikoopa.

"Ludwig." Kamek bowed his head respectfully, before turning to the girl at the Dragon-Koopa's heels. "And Miss Daisy too? I _am_ surprised."

Daisy's smile was sour; she had been one of the ones who never grew complacent with the Koopa's take-over. Bowser had her sent away to Isle Delfino so that she didn't cause any trouble, and the only way she could visit the mainland was if one of the Koopalings kept an eye on her. Ludwig volunteered himself for it because he felt bad for Daisy, and he hoped that his compassion would make her realize the Koopas weren't all that bad. Kamek could tell that it wasn't working in the slightest. "I just wanted to see who got my old stomping-ground," said Daisy hotly.

"Makes sense…" nodded Kamek, as he resumed walking. He beckoned Ludwig to follow. "We still have a few minutes left, so there's no need to run."

"Better safe zan sorry," shrugged Ludwig. "But you're probably right."

"It's all a bit strange, isn't it?" said Kamek after a moment, peering up at Ludwig. "Bowser suddenly deciding to split his kingdom apart…"

"He's tired of juggling all zee territories," said Ludwig, shrugging once again. "He didn't realize zat ruling sree kingdoms vould entail so much vork. Dark Land's pretty uniform, but Sarasaland's provinces are vastly different, as are zee various districts of zee Mushroom Kingdom – er, I mean, Mushroom _Land_."

"So he's making you guys run it as a committee?" said Kamek, smirking.

"It vorked for Sarasaland, it should vork for us," said Ludwig, looking back at Daisy, who was lagging a few steps behind the Koopas.

"And to think people used to make fun of the fact we used a Royal Council," sneered Daisy. "They'd always joke about how committees get nothing done."

"They don't," snorted Kamek. "Magikoopa villages are run by a group of Elders, and-"

"Whatever," said Daisy, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe it's part of his plan," grinned Ludwig. "Maybe he figured vee von't be able to seize total control if vee have to vork as committees. He doesn't vant to deal vit zee papervork, but he still vants to be king, and if vee're busy squabbling over every little change, he von't have to vorry about us conspiring to cut out zee middleman."

Kamek chuckled. "That sounds a bit too devious for your father."

"Vy else vould he make us band togezzer? Iggy, Vendy, Lemmy, Junior and I are all perfectly capable of running little kingdoms by ourselves, so vy make us share vone big kingdom? Same vit Larry and Roy, and Morton and Peach."

"Maybe he just doesn't want to split things up too much?" suggested Kamek. "Dividing the kingdom back into Dark Land, Sarasaland and the old Mushroom Kingdom would be way simpler than making new borders – you know how lazy Bowser is."

"Yes, a cartographer, Fazzer is not," agreed Ludwig as they turned the final corner and entered the Throne Room. They seemed to be the last audience members to arrive, though Bowser wasn't there yet. The threesome walked to the front of the room; Kamek took a seat next to Kammy, while Ludwig joined the Koopalings. Daisy sat with Ludwig, making sure to ignore Peach, who was perched on his other side. Daisy hated Peach for surrendering; she hadn't spoken to her for years, and that wasn't about to change.

Kamek scowled as he looked past Kammy at the other occupants of the front row: Mario and Luigi. They were only there because Bowser had a soft spot for Peach: as if giving her her power back hadn't been generous enough, Bowser agreed to put Mario on Peach and Morton's committee. Kamek had begged the King of the Koopas to reconsider, since he knew it would cause nothing but trouble. He feared that together, Mario and Peach could organize a coup, and fully separate their land from the rest of the kingdom. Bowser promised Kamek that that wouldn't happen, for he was growing dangerously trusting in his old age, not like Kamek, whose wits were still about him. The aging Magikoopa managed to convince Bowser to appoint Wario to the committee as well – to offset Mario and Peach's influence. Beside Kamek, Wario was picking his nose and periodically wiping his finger on the bottom of his chair; Waluigi sat on Wario's right, and was busing himself by picking at a mole under his chin. The old wizard sighed; having the Warios on the committee was better than nothing, but it wasn't _much_ better.

At long last, Bowser stomped into the Throne Room. Time had taken its toll on the Koopa King: his hair was grey, his scales and shell had lost their shine, and he was far less muscular than in his youth. Stifling a cough, Bowser plopped himself into his throne and glared at the crowd before him. "So… You're all here to find out how I'm gonna divide the kingdom, right?"

"Well duh," said Wendy under her breath. Fortunately for her, Bowser's hearing had also deteriorated over the years.

"Well, first you gotta prove to me that you deserve it," smirked Bowser. The Koopalings groaned and rolled their eyes. Everyone knew that Bowser had decided who was gonna get what piece of the kingdom weeks ago, and the fact that he was going to draw the formalities out was tiresome, to say the least.

"Uh… Larry. Why should I give you and Roy Dark Land?" said Bowser, arbitrarily singling out the Koopaling with the worse public speaking skills.

"Umm… well… because… uh… because… we… uhhh…."

"Close enough," shrugged Bowser, tossed a scroll of paper to Larry. Roy ripped the paper out of his brother's hand and unrolled it, peering at the map of Dark Land, with a smug look on his face.

"Now you, uh... Iggy, why should I give you lot Sarasaland?" said Bowser, waving his hand in the general direction of Iggy, Wendy, Ludwig, Junior and Lemmy.

"Because we'll be competent rulers, and because you deserve a vacation from the trials and tribulations that come from governing a land as geographically diverse as Sarasaland and-"

"Okay, okay, fine. Here's the map, now will you shut up already?" growled Bowser, chucking the Sarasaland scroll at Iggy's head.

"Now, Peach," Bowser beamed at the princess. "Why should I give you Mushroom Land?"

Peach knew that a single kind word would be reason enough. Or a smile, or a shrug. She took a deep breath, and opened her lips. "Because it's mine."

Bowser stared at her. Everyone else stared at her too. She felt her face grow hot. She didn't know why she said that.

"W- what?" said Bowser, scrunching his face up and shaking his head in confusion.

"Well, what I mean to say is that… that… the Mushroom Kingdom is mine. You invaded it – it's not yours to give back, r- really." Peach was an honest person, but she knew she was going too far. She saw the colour drain from Bowser's face. She wanted to say she was sorry – that she didn't mean to say that. That's what she thought deep down, but she truly didn't mean to say it out loud. Some things were better left unsaid, and that was one of those things. But when she opened her mouth to apologize, her treacherous voice died in her throat.

"I can't believe this," said Bowser. He closed his eyes, but he could not keep his calm. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" He glared at Peach, his face flushed with rage, his eyes bright. "How could you do this to me? After all I've done for you! How could you betray me like this? HOW!?"

Peach shook her head, tears in her eyes. "I don't-"

"You don't what?"

"I don't know."

"Like hell you don't know! Why did you say those things?"

"I don't know."

"You said them for a reason!"

"I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, I think you did," spat Bowser. He pulled the third scroll out of his shell and ripped it in two, rollers and all. "You'll get nothing, Peach! **Nothing!**" He threw the two halves of the scroll to the Koopalings. "They'll get Mushroom Land, ya hear me?! Morton, you can join one of them. Mario, you can just be on your merry way, and so can you, Wario. And as for you, Peach, you _have_ to go. Get out of here, now! I don't ever want to see you again!"

"Your Furiousness, please, be reasonable!" beseeched Kamek, hopping out of his seat. "I think you're overreacting-"

"Did you hear what she said?!" roared Bowser, jumping to his feet. "I gave her so much, and she threw it back in my face! What would you do? Wouldn't you get mad?"

"Yes, but-"

"Would you still give her an entire country?"

"No, but-"

"So how am I overreacting, Kamek? _How_!?"

"She doesn't deserve to be banished," said Kamek. "A slap on the wrist, yes, but to be kicked out of the kingdom? No! She's never spoken out before, I'm sure she didn't mean it. I'm sure she's just having one of those days, you know? Maybe it's that time of month?"

"'That time of month'? What is she, a werewolf?" said Bowser, a little confused.

"Um, no…" Kamek had forgotten that Bowser never bothered to learn about human biology, and he wasn't prepared to explain it, so he quickly changed the subject. "Anyway, it's only her first offense, can't she just apologize and-"

"No!" Said Bowser, stomping his foot emphatically. "I won't be spoken to like that by my- my…" Bowser looked at Peach, sadness clouding his vision. He snapped out of it. "By _her_! She has no right! Not after all I've done. And _you_, Kamek, why are you even defending her?"

"Because you're making a mistake," said Kamek. "You've been making a lot of mistakes recently, and I won't stand around and watch you do it again. It was a mistake to even offer her Mushroom Land in the first place; it was a mistake to let her convince you to bring Mario back; it was all a huge mistake! I knew something like this would happen, _I knew it_!"

"Now _you're_ insulting me!" Snarled Bowser. "You can leave to. Both of you, out!"

"Bowser, please. You're mad at me, not Kamek, don't do this to him-"

"Shut up, Peach," growled Bowser, his eyes glued on Kamek.

"Yeah, shut up, Peach," hissed Kamek. He turned and started walking towards the door. He stopped and looked back at Bowser. "You're a fool."

"GET OUT!" bellowed Bowser.

"You'll regret this."

"GET OUT **NOW**!"

In a flash of light, Kamek was gone. Bowser blinked, having forgotten that Magikoopas could teleport… He shook himself out of his thoughts. "Koopalings, come with me. Everyone else, you're dismissed. Peach, you have forty-eight hours to get out of the kingdom on your own, or we'll throw you get. Mario, Luigi, you get your butts out of here too." Bowser turned and stormed towards the door, but stopped dead in his tracks as he remembered something. "Oh right, kids," he looked at the Koopalings. "Just so we don't have to have _another_ stupid get-together, I'm gonna remind you now that even though your running the kingdoms now, I'm still the king."

"Yes King Dad," murmured the Koopalings. They already knew the arrangement, but if Bowser wanted to go over the basics, they wouldn't dare say no – not when he was such a dark mood.

"All my personal servants and things – they stay with me. But just to be fair, I'll take turns living in each of your castles, okay? Since I'm already here, I'll spend this month with Larry and Roy, and next months I'll visit the rest of you. Morton, I don't care which group you join – you can pick."

"Okay," grinned Morton, impervious to the tension in the air.

Bowser nodded, and muttered to himself, "okay," as he slouched out of the room.

As the Koopalings made ready to follow their father, Peach spoke up. "Be good to him," she said. "I didn't mean to upset him like this, believe me. This was all a mistake, and I'm sorry. Just please, please be careful."

"Don't tell _us_ what to do," huffed Wendy.

"Yeah, he's _our_ father, after all," added Iggy, as Larry nodded his head.

Ludwig and Junior looked apologetic as they left the room, while Daisy grinned sadistically at Peach's misery. As the rest of the audience disappeared, one by one, Mario crossed the room and put a comforting hand on Peach's shoulder. "Come with-a-us, we-a-have a guestroom you can use-a. It won't be as-a-fancy as you're used to, but it's-a-better than-a-nothing."

"Oh, Mario!" gasped Peach, jumping up and hugging her friend. "Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much!"

Iggy and Larry were the only Koopalings who hadn't filed out of the room yet, and they hung back, leering over their shoulders as Luigi joined in on the embrace. They watched in silence as Mario, Luigi and Peach made their way out of the other side-doors along with the last of the audience members. Once they were alone, Iggy turned to Larry. "Can you believe it? King Dad went ballistic! On _Peach_! The _love of his life_!"

"Yeah…" frowned Larry. "Makes you wonder what he's gonna do to _us_…"

Iggy's eyes widened behind his glasses. "Oh Koopa! You're right! If Peach gets banished for putting her foot in her mouth like that, imagine what he'll do to us the next time he overhears one of Wendy's little sarcastic comments. Or when Morton's chattering gets too annoying for him, or when Roy whistles that song he doesn't like…"

"I doubt he'll banish Roy for whistling…"

"Who knows what he'll do?" said Iggy, gripping Larry's arm. "And one of us could be next!"

Larry averted his eyes and bit his lip. "Maybe… Maybe we should… um…"

"'Maybe we should'… _what_?" prompted Iggy, who knew any plan Larry came up with would work better than the half-baked ideas kicking around in his own skull.

"I don't think King Dad's thinking to clearly… He fired Kamek…"

"Yeah…"

"He's given us all his power… pretty much… so maybe we should… I dunno… make sure he can't banish anyone else."

"How?"

"I dunno…" repeated Larry, his eyes unfocused as he pondered the problem at hand. "I'll keep a close eye on him, and make sure he doesn't get in trouble… He's really high-strung… Maybe we should try to… to… to…"

"Take him down a notch?" offered Iggy.

"Yeah!" nodded Larry, looking at his brother with a devilish gleam in his eye. "Yeah, his ego's the problem… No ego, no problem."

"He can't banish us – we've got the power now," grinned Iggy. "We can put him in his place."

"He's too old to run a country anyway…"

"You don't see people listening to Kammy's suggestions anymore!"

"Nor Toadsworth's…"

"Yeah, this'll work!" said Iggy, slapping Larry on the back.

Larry smiled at his brother. "Yeah!"


	3. Act I Scenes ii and iii

**A/N****: Some of Shakespeare's scenes are humongus, but others are really short, so to save on chapters, I stick them together. This is the first multi-scene chapter of **_**King Bowser**_**.**

**When I first got to the first scene in **_**King Lear**_**, I thought the Edmund (Daisy) subplot was random and didn't realize it was an important part of the play until later. I made Daisy a little more sassy in Scene ****i****, and I added the stuff about Morton's letter in this scene to try and make it seem little more interconnected and less out-of-the blue. I also removed the astrology stuff, since it doesn't fit in with the **_**Mario**_** mythos.**

**I gave Toadsworth more lines than Oswald had in the original version of the second scene, and I added some backstory to explain why he's working for Larry.**

Act I. Scene ii.

Daisy wandered around her old castle, a frown upon her face. Ludwig had taken her with him when he, Bowser Jr. and Lemmy left Dark Land to watch over Sarasaland. Originally, Iggy and Wendy would've joined them, but instead they had made Peach's old castle their new abode. The Koopalings had decided it would be best if they kept Mushroom Land together, instead of splitting it between the two parties as Bowser had intended. Daisy had heard it was primarily Iggy and Larry's idea, and that the two of them seemed to have the most energy invested in sorting out the affairs Bowser had left his children. On the other hand, Ludwig wasn't an ambitious leader: he wanted to keep his domain running smoothly only, and Lemmy shared this mentality.

Watching them govern her old kingdom made Daisy restless – Sarasaland needed to be ruled with flare and spark, not with the two eldest Koopalings' soporific inertness. It was only a week since the division of Bowser's kingdom, and the countries were still in a state of flux, their people confused and agitated. Even the Koopalings were on-edge, and Daisy knew she could use this to her advantage. Over the years, she had been worming her way into Ludwig's confidence, and his trust in her grew with every visit. She had learned his weaknesses, and she planned to use them to turn Ludwig against Lemmy, and secure a spot on the Sarasaland committee.

"I just got vord from Morton!"

Daisy turned around and smiled as Ludwig approached her. "That's nice."

"He says Fazzer's causing all sorts of problems in Dark Land," said Ludwig, shaking his head. "I don't see vy he's doing all zis to us and to zee kingdom. It doesn't make sense. All he ever vanted vas to rule zee land, and now he gives it all avay?"

"Maybe he's decided ruling's not all it's cracked up to be," said Daisy, hastily stowing away a piece of paper she had pulled out when she heard Ludwig approaching.

"Vat's zat?"

"Nothing," said Daisy, averting her eyes.

"Is it more bad news?" sighed Ludwig.

"I've heard no news – except for what you just told me, that is," said Daisy, but Ludwig wasn't convinced.

"You're hiding somezing. Show me zee paper."

"It's nothing, Ludwig. Really."

"If it's nossing, zen vat harm is zere in me reading it?" said Ludwig, holding out his hand. "Give it to me."

Daisy pulled the paper out, biting her lip and shifting around nervously. "I… You don't…It's just a letter from Lemmy. I haven't read all of it, but-"

"Vell zen vee can finish it togezzer," said Ludwig making a grab for the paper.

As he snatched away from her, Daisy continued to babble guiltily. "I'm pretty sure it's just a joke, or a test or something. I don't think he meant what he said…"

Ludwig cocked his eyebrow at Daisy, before turning to the letter:

"_Ludwig's such a stick in the mud. I'm tired of sitting around  
and doing nothing, and I'm sure you are too. If we get rid of  
Ludwig, you can surely take his place on the committee,  
and then we can start having some fun around here! Meet  
me tonight in the garden and we can talk it over, okay?_

_LEMMY_"

Ludwig read the letter aloud (Daisy tried hard to ignore his accent), and then turned to Daisy. "I don't believe zis!"

"Me neither," said Daisy. "I mean, it sorta sounds like him, and it looks like his handwriting. But given the subject matter, I'd like to think it's a forgery."

"It _is_ his handwriting," breathed Ludwig, staring at the letter.

Daisy struggled to hide her smirk, _persuasive denial – works every time_.

Oblivious to her thoughts, Ludwig turned to Daisy, his face strained. "Did he ever talk to you about somezing like zis before?"

"No… But I have heard him complaining about being bored. He hates it up here: it's in the middle of nowhere, and there really is nothing to do…"

"But zat's not enough motivation to vant to _kill_ me!"

"Maybe he just wants to send you away. You _know_ how he wanted to partner with Iggy…"

"Yes, but Vendy vouldn't hear of it – she said zey'd destroy vatever territory zey vere given… How could Lemmy be so simple? So near-sighted?"

"Like Bowser?"

"Of course!" gasped Ludwig, nearly dropping the letter in shock. "Of course! Zis is exactly like vat fazzer did! Vee must stop Lemmy before he does somezing rash! Everysing's falling apart. First fazzer turns on Peach and Kamek, and now my own brozzer is plotting my downfall – my deasz!"

"I don't think he's out to _kill_ you-"

"Vee can't know anysing for sure…" said Ludwig, pacing the hallway. "…Zee only vay to find out is to confront him."

"Let me talk to him," volunteered Daisy. "He already wants to speak to me, so he'll be frank with me. If you accuse him of anything and you're wrong, he'll hate you, and everyone will think you're going batty like Bowser – suspecting everyone and everything."

"Yes, yes, zat vould be bad," Ludwig shook his head. "People vill not trust a leader like zat, and vee must not let zee country wriggle out of our control, not in turbulent times such as zese…" By that time, Ludwig had wandered down the hallway and was at the stairs. He paused, looking back at Daisy. "Talk to him. Find out vat's up." He shook his head again as he started down the stairs. "Everysing zat's been going on... 'tis strange…"

Daisy listened to his footsteps die away, a cruel grin on her face. Manipulating Ludwig had been easier than she had ever hoped. She wondered if perhaps the Star Spirits were helping her along, seeing as she was simply trying to _re_claim her kingdom from Bowser's cancerous brood of Koopalings. The world would be a far better place without them, and perhaps the Stars recognized this…

"Daisy!" Lemmy had just appeared around the corner.

Daisy turned around, once more plastering a smile onto her face to greet one of her Koopan adversaries with as much warmth as she could muster. "You don't know how happy I am to see you – you haven't spoken to Ludwig recently, have you?"

"Not since last night – he wasn't at breakfast."

"Did you speak with him?"

"Yeah, you were there, remember. We talked about _politics_," at this, Lemmy rolled his eyes.

"That sorta attitude's what's got you in trouble," warned Daisy.

"In trouble?!" Lemmy's eyes widened in fear.

Daisy nodded. "Yep, Ludwig's mad at you. He thinks you're gonna wreck the country – that you're not serious enough."

"What? How could he…" Lemmy whimpered, fidgeting atop his rubber ball.

"And what's more," continued Daisy, lowering her voice ominously. "He's convinced you're out to get him! He thinks you want to kill him so that you don't have to do what he says anymore."

"WHAT!?! Never! I'd _never_ do that! How could he think that?"

"He thinks you resent his 'boring' rule. I told him you wouldn't kill him, but he won't see reason and I'm worried he'll do something rash…"

"Just like King Dad and Peach – and Kamek too!" Lemmy clasped his hand over his mouth in horror. "What's going on? Why's this all happening?"

"I don't know," sighed Daisy.

"Who could've told Ludwig I'd want to hurt him?" moaned Lemmy.

"I don't know," repeated Daisy. "But I do know that you're in danger – someone wants you gone. Who knows, maybe Ludwig's the one out to get you."

"I can't believe that," said Lemmy forcefully. "We're brothers – we wouldn't do that each-other!"

"I'm gonna talk to him and see if I can figure out what's up. In the meantime, you should hide out in my Secret Room."

"Your what?"

"My Secret Room: a place where I would hide out whenever I got tired of the Royal Council bothering me all the time. It's got lots of books and canned food and stuff." Daisy handed Lemmy a key. "I haven't told anyone about it – not since you guys took over; Ludwig won't find you there. The entrance is outside in the garden, by the old apple tree…" She explained how to activate the entrance to the room, and sent Lemmy running back the way he had come, so that he wouldn't run into Ludwig on the stairs down the hall.

"When will I hear from you?" called Lemmy, over his shoulder.

"Tonight!" Once Lemmy had disappeared, Daisy punched the air. "Yeah! Who's the girl? I am! Whoo! Those idiots don't stand a chance! Uh huh! Oh yeah!" She nearly skipped down the hallway; victory was already in sight.

Act I. Scene iii.

"I am getting _tired_ of King Dad's antics," growled Larry.

"As am I, my boy. Why, he flames guards for casting their peepers in his very direction! At Mushroom Castle we wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, by jove! It's most unfitting of a king to be such a brute, if you don't mind my saying so." Toadsworth had been looking forward to serving Peach, so when Bowser banished her and transferred Toadsworth to Dark Land to fill Kamek's role of "Gofer in Chief" (as Toadsworth soon deemed his role), the old man was justifiably miffed.

"Diss him all you like," said Larry darkly. "He's being such a pain these days... We'll have to start being firm with him or who knows what'll happen…"

"Oh yes, the same thing happened with King Toadstool when the poor chap started getting on in age. He was a right danger to himself and all those around him, he was. We Toads rarely go senile, but I'm afraid the same could not be said for humans, eh, wot wot!"

"Nor Dragon-Koopas, apparently…" muttered Larry, staring out a window. He could see Bowser and his companions returning to the castle from their latest escapade. Something about going through the Warp Pipes (which couldn't be directed right into the castle, as it was cut off from the surrounding land by a moat of molten lava) and terrorizing tax-dodgers. Bowser may have disliked the paperwork involved in ruling, but he considered law enforcement fun.

Larry frowned and turned to Toadsworth. "King Dad may still have the crown… But I'm head of this household now… and… and I say we start treating him the way he deserves – like a rowdy, unwanted guest in _our_ house."

"Oh ho!" exclaimed Toadsworth, liking what he was hearing.

"Stop tending to his every whim… If he doesn't like it… that's too bad."

"What if he decided to leave, sir?" asked Toadsworth. "And lodge with your other siblings instead?"

"Iggy and I are of the same mind on this one… Ludwig's in the middle of nowhere, so I doubt King Dad will want to go there…"

"And what of the soldiers that are more loyal to him than to you? There's a fair few of them, I'll have you know."

"Treat them the same way you treat King Dad," shrugged Larry, after pondering the question for a moment. "And when King Dad gets back… tell him I'm too busy to talk to him... I don't want to deal with his crap right now."

"Right-o, your highness," bowed Toadsworth. As he hurried out of the room, Larry turned back to the window. Bowser's company had crossed the land bridge and reached the castle; Larry could heard the massive front doors swinging open. He sighed: it was going to be a long night.


	4. Act I Scene iv

**A/N****: This was a fun scene to transcribe. But it was also really long, which is a common theme in **_**King Lear**_**: some scenes are a paragraph or three, others last pages and pages…**

Act I. Scene iv.

Under cover of night, Kamek returned to Koopa Castle. He had spent the week since the division of the kingdom traveling across the countryside, spreading a rumour that he had travelled abroad to the Waffle Kingdom. The land was so far removed from Bowser's domain that Kamek was sure no one would bother checking to see if the story was false. He also visited his house in the Beanbean Kingdom, where he altered his appearance so that he could return to Bowser's side. He knew Bowser needed him; he had been like a father to the king all his life, and Kamek wasn't about to turn his back on his old master when he needed him most.

Kamek magically grew his naturally purple hair long again, like when he was a young Magikoopa. He ditched his wizard's cap and let his hair tumble every which way. He replaced his blue robes with tattered black ones, and replaced his glasses with a pair of pink-rimmed monstrosities. He had considered merely dressing himself like an average Magikoopa and altering his voice, but he didn't want to blend in – he wanted to stand out so that he could get close to Bowser. The old king loved rock and roll, and to finish his look, Kamek bought himself a bright blue electric/magic guitar. After flying in through a window, he hurried down to the Entrance Hallway, where he sat on the throne and started picking at the guitar as he waited for Bowser to return.

He did not have to wait long, as the doors soon opened and Bowser came stomping in. "Man am I hungry! Someone go tell the chefs to being me some food! Now!" All of Bowser's company scattered – whether to follow out his orders or simply to escape before he demanded anything more, Kamek couldn't tell. Only King Boo, Petey Piranha and Morton Jr. remained with the king as he approached the throne and caught sight of Kamek. "Who are you? And what are you doing in my throne? Get off!"

"Who am I? I am but a humble musician. What am I doing on your throne? I'm here to ROCK!!!" With that, Kamek leapt to his feet and started hammering on his guitar. Bowser's eyes bugged out of his head as the music was magically amplified by the instrument and filled the Throne Room. Kamek always knew his rebellious teenage years would come in handy some day, but he never imagined it would be because he'd have to put on a one-Koopa rock concert for his increasingly senile king.

"That was AWESOME!" cheered Bowser once Kamek had stopped. "Man, you rock!"

"That I do, your highness," bowed Kamek.

"Bwa ha ha! I like this guy!" said Bowser, beaming at King Boo, Petey and Morton. He looked back at Kamek. "You're in!"

Kamek feigned confusion. "In?"

"In my ranks – my castle! Welcome aboard, _dude_! Bwa ha ha!" Bowser walked up the steps and sat in his throne, grinning at Kamek. His stomach then rumbled, and his face fell. "Where the Underwhere is dinner?"

"Want me to check?" offered Petey, who was also anxious to get his meal.

"Yeah, and get Kammy while you're at it," said Bowser, waving at Petey to get a move on. At that moment, Toadsworth appeared, having been drawn from the other side of the castle by Kamek's ruckus.

"What's all the commotion, then?" he said, flustered.

"This guy was playing me some music," said Bowser, nodding at Kamek. "Where's Larry? I need to speak to him about some of the laws he's revoked. He's being too lenient, I say, and- HEY! What are you waling away for!? I'm talking to you!" But Toadsworth paid the angry Koopa no mind and tottered out of the room without another word. "Boo! Get him back here!"

"It's _King_ Boo," corrected the specter as he lazily floated towards the doorway.

"I'll call you by whatever name _I_ please," sneered Bowser. He turned to Kamek. "I'm _surrounded_ by idiots."

"Indeed," nodded Kamek.

"They're not usually this bad, though." Commented Morton. "I mean, they've been a bit lackadaisical this week – ever since the great divide, as it were. The Baroque Divide! Ha ha! Not that this has anything to do with the Renaissance and its literature; it'll certainly be an important event in our history, but it has nothing to do with _human_ history. Except their both 'divide's, though you could say that about geography too. That would have even less in common with-"

"Where's Kammy?" interrupted Bowser, who hadn't been paying any attention to his son's ramblings. "And why hasn't dinner been brought yet?"

King Boo suddenly materialized out of thin air next to Morton. "He says Larry's busy."

"Huh?"

King Boo rolled his eyes at Bowser. "Toadsworth says Larry's too busy to talk."

"What the _Hell_?" said Bowser incredulously.

"Are your underlings usually so impudent?" drawled Kamek.

"No," snorted Bowser.

"Well, they're being quite impudent today, King Dad," grinned Morton. "They're not treating you like a king at all, that's for sure. It's like what I was saying before – before you interrupted, er, not that there's anything wrong with _that_: oh no, if anyone can interrupt me, it's the King. I'm not gonna be belligerent and say 'be quiet and listen', though I guess I don't really tell anyone to be quiet and listen. I often get the feeling that I _should,_ though, since no one ever-"

"Where's Kammy?" said Bowser, looking to King Boo and thoroughly ignoring Morton's musings.

"How should _I_ know?" said the ghost, rolling his eyes again.

Bowser growled. "Just go and get Larry – **now**!"

With a final roll of his eyes, King Boo vanished.

"And you," growled Bowser, pointing a clawed finger at Morton. "Make yourself useful and find Kammy."

"Okay. I think she's in the Observatory, or maybe her spell room, or maybe the library. Though she _could_ be in the lav-"

"Why don't you try searching those places instead of talking about them?" sighed Bowser.

"Okay," chirped Morton, starting off towards the door (which King Boo had magicked open, and which the lazy guards hadn't bothered closing), talking as he went. "But I think it makes sense to do some pre-meditation. It's a big castle and if I don't already have an idea of where to look I could be at it for hours and hours and hours and hours…" Bowser sighed in relief as Morton's voice faded away down the hall. But his peace was short lived, as Toadsworth soon reappeared.

"_You!_" growled Bowser. "Who do you think you are? Walking out on me when I was talking to you. Who do you think I am?"

"My masters' father," responded Toadsworth, tottering across the hallway. Kamek narrowed his eyes; the old Toad was obviously just passing through on his way to the kitchens, as they were the only things located on the other side of the hall. Kamek hated him; Toads were long-lived, but Toadsworth had surely run his course, and yet here he was, as spry as he was twenty years ago. Kamek didn't see the justice in an old fool like him living it up in his sunset years, while a king as great and powerful as Bowser was rapidly declining in mental health at a mere eighty years of age. Dragon-Koopas were supposed to live well into their hundreds; Kamek suspected it was all his years of battling Mario catching up to him, though the bloody Star Spirits could easily be partitioning Bowser's years off to Toadsworth…

"'You masters' father'? I'm the freaking KING, buddy! What part of that don't you understand!?" bellowed Bowser.

Toadsworth looked like he was going to ignore the outburst, so Kamek dashed down the steps and blocked his path, a scowl upon his face. "You better learn some respect, old man." Kamek was as old as Toadsworth and Bowser combined, and the irony of his insult was not lost on him. He was actually nearing the end of his life, but like Toads and _most_ Dragon-Koopas, Magikoopas aged gracefully, especially with the advent of Youth Potions. Kamek had downed a whole bottle before returning, for his rebellious, young rockstar disguise probably wouldn't go over well if he still had liver-spotted scales, gnarled hands and a bad back.

Toadsworth was taken aback by Kamek's display. "And you better mind you elders, my boy!"

_Again with the irony_, Kamek smirked. "Only if _you_ mind your manners."

"You're the one cutting me off!"

"You're the one ignoring the King's questions."

"Oh ho! 'Questions' you say? More like accusations!"

"If the shoe fits."

"I say, I don't need to listen to this nonsense!"

"Where do you think you're going?" growled Bowser, who had made his way over the squabbling pair and gripped Toadsworth's mushroom cap as he made to step around Kamek and continue on his way.

"I SAY! Let me go!" Toadsworth then smacked Bowser's hand with his staff.

"Ow! Why you little!" Bowser belched a fireball at Toadsworth. It wasn't very large, though, and Toadsworth managed to jump out of the way. To make up for it, Kamek stuck out his foot and tripped the old Toad.

"Nice!" whooped Bowser as Toadsworth landed on the carpet with a thud. "Let's get him!"

"By my grandfather's margarine! I say! I say! Get away! Oh, ho! Help! Ho!" Toadsworth scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room as Kamek and Bowser cackled triumphantly.

"Man, you're the best! Here's your first payment as my loyal servant! Get yourself something nice," as Bowser flipped Kamek a gold coin, Kammy entered the hallway behind them. Even from behind, she recognized Kamek, and her eyes went wide behind her glasses.

She shuffled forward and held out her hat to Kamek. "One coin? Your Stinginess, please, it's no wonder your servants are rebelling! Here, take my hat, fellow – I wouldn't want another prospective servant scared away by the King's frugality and it's worth a few coins at the market, at least."

"Idiot Kammy. This guy doesn't want your lame hat: he's too cool. Check out his guitar!" Bowser was too busy making fun of Kammy to notice the cheeky grin Kamek flashed Kammy, and he was too busy admitting the instrument to notice the old witch's disapproving frown. Kammy was never one for taking risks.

"Yes, well. You need all the help you can get now, Your Solitaryness, seeing as you've parceled off all your influence to the Koopalings. I can count the number of guards in this castle who still answer to you directly (and not by way of Roy and Larry). And by 'way of', I mean, they answer to _them,_ and not you at all, Your Redundantness. And don't get me started on Peach-"

"Yeah, yeah, and don't get _me_ started on _you_, Haggy. I haven't eaten dinner yet so I'm not my usual, forgiving self at the moment, and you're starting to get on my nerves-"

"I'm just filling this guy in on what's up, Your Deludedness. If you get mad at me for speaking the truth, what's next? Will you thank your enemies for _lying_?"

"No, I'll get _madder_ at them," grinned Bowser.

"Fair enough, Your Rightness."

"That's more like it," said Bowser smugly.

Kammy looked at Kamek's guitar, and a thought occurred to her. She needed a way to distract Bowser from the discontent brewing in the castle; trouble was coming, and the more time Bowser had to brood on his empty stomach and his lukewarm reception, the messier it would be. "Hey, would you like to hear a little poem I just read in the library."

"So you _were_ in the library – Morton was right after all." Evidently. Bowser had not _totally_ ignored his son's speeches. "Is he the one who sent you? Where's he at?"

"He's looking something up, Your Paternalness," said Kammy. "I believe it's about human literature, or something to do with canyons… Anyway, so would you like to hear the speech? He can play along on his guitar to make it more interesting for you, since I know poetry's not your thing-"

"What are you talking about, I love haikus!" said Bowser.

"This isn't a haiku."

"Oh," the king sounded a little disappointed. "Bah, whatever. I've got nothing else to do." He settled himself into his throne and waited as Kammy muttered to Kamek about what sort of tune he should play. She desperately wanted to find out why he had returned and chew him out for not talking to her about it first, but she knew it would be too risky with Bowser right there.

"Mark it, nuncle!" she said, sweeping her hands out to indicate the start of the performance. As she spoke, Kamek noodled on the guitar, and the music didn't fit with the words at all.

"_Have more than thou showest,  
Speak less than thou knowest,  
Lend less than thou owest,  
Ride more than thou goest,  
Learn more than thou trowest,  
Set less then thou throwest;  
Leave thy drink and thy whore,  
And keep in-a-door,  
And thou shalt have more  
Than two tens to a score._"

"You're so uncool, Kammy, you make the cool guy's music _un_-epic," snorted Bowser.

"It's Shakespeareguy – a classic!" protested Kammy.

"A classic _bore_," chucked Bowser. "You're such a fool!"

"This from the Koopa who just gave away the kingdoms he spent his entire life trying to conquer!"

"Hey! It wasn't my _entire_ life!" huffed Bowser. "I conquered them over a decade ago!"

"Your hard-earned victory thrown away after a measly ten years," sighed Kammy.

"And _before_ that," continued Bowser, choosing to ignore Kammy's last comment, "I didn't even really care about Sarasaland – it was more like a… a bonus! Two countries for the price of one! Bwa ha ha!"

"And now no countries for the price of nothing."

"Nothing comes of nothing," said Bowser automatically.

"So you agree with me," said Kammy with a smirk.

"What? No! I was just quoting something I read… somewhere. Or maybe I heard it, it's like someone's motto or something," Bowser frowned, trying to remember the source for a moment, before giving up. "Pah! It doesn't matter where it's from, what matters is that you of all people should appreciate a quote."

"Quotation," corrected Kammy.

"Whatever!"

"Want to hear another one?"

"Another what?"

Kammy face-palmed. "Another _quotation_!"

"Ugh," grunted Bowser. "Okay, but only if he plays."

"But of course," said Kamek, starting to strum on the guitar immediately. Seeing as it didn't work so well when Kammy tried to tell him to play along to her, he decided that they should try it the other way around.

Kammy scowled at his efforts, but began her speech nonetheless:

"_That lord that counseled thee  
To give away thy land,  
Come place him here by me-  
Do thou for him stand.  
The sweet and bitter fool  
Will presently appear;  
The one in motley here,  
The other found out there._"

"'Here' and 'there' don't rhyme," complained Bowser. "And you can't carry a beat, Kammy."

The old witch put her hands on her hips. "Let's see you do better when you have to accompany his Star-awful music."

"You just don't appreciate a good tune when you hear it," smirked Kamek.

"I do so!"

"Also," interjected Bowser, "I don't like being preached to. And that quote-"

"_Quotation_!"

"-that _quote_," growled Bowser, "seemed on topic-"

"The last one was on-topic too."

"If you interrupt me again, I'll flame you into next week!" barked Bowser. "Your last speech made no sense. This one hardly made any sense either, but it sounded like you were saying _I_ was the fool. And I'm no fool."

"Not from where I'm standing, Your Foolishness," grinned Kammy, rubbing it in as much as she could.

"I already kicked Kamek out, you wanna join him?"

"Of course not!" exclaimed Kammy. "Here, you wanna hear a song?"

"Another Shakeguy quote?"

"Another Shakespeareguy quotation." Kammy turned to Kamek, "play something in the tune of A."

"Do you even know what that means?" said Kamek.

"Of course," huffed Kammy. As Kamek started to play a blues demo, Kammy belted out an upbeat little tune:

"_Fools had ne'er less grace in a year,  
For wise men are grown foppish;  
And know not how their wits to wear,  
Their manners are so apish._

"_Then they for sudden joy did weep,  
And I for sorrow sung,  
That such a king should play bo-peep  
And go the fools among_."

"At least I'm only hanging out with fools this time," observed Bowser. "Because it's so true! Bwa ha ha!" At this point, Larry finally made an entrance. "It's about time!" growled Bowser, before noticing the frown on Larry's face. "What's the matter?"

"I remember when you didn't give a Ratooey's rear about how your kids were feeling, but now you're at their mercy, aren't you, Your Dependantness? If they're unhappy, your royal treatment may go wanting – like it is now, mweh heh heh." Kammy chuckled bitterly at Bowser's predicament as Larry glared daggers at her. "You don't agree with what I'm saying? Or do you not want me to speak the truth either. In that case…" Kammy flicked her hand at Kamek, who obediently started playing his guitar to accompany her latest quotation:

"_Mum, mum!  
He that keeps nor crust nor crumb,  
Weary of all, shall want some. –  
That's a shelled peapod!"_

Kammy had pointed at Bowser for the last line. He arched his eyebrows in confusion. "Huh? Was that a riddle or something?"

"Kammy here is the reason I'm unhappy, King Dad…" said Larry, before the riddler could respond. "And your other minions too… They're all insolent… As if the fact that they answer directly to you puts them above the ones that answer to Roy and I."

"It does," shrugged Bowser.

"No, it doesn't," insisted Larry, in a rare bout of forcefulness. "I used to think there was just a problem with your minions…But it seems that you're the real root of their behavior… I just want an orderly castle, and your minions are making that difficult… If you won't control them… I will."

"_The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long  
That it had its head bit off by its young_."

"Shut up, Kammy," snapped Bowser, turning back from the musical Magikoopas to his dissenting son. "Who do you think you are?"

"You should ask yourself that… You're really moody these days… Maybe you should try acting your age before you try to put me in my place – not that I'm not already there."

"This looks like a case of the cart pulling the horse, doesn't it, Your Equineness?" Kammy grinned mischievously and then warbled out a single song line: "_Whoop, Jug, I love thee!_"

"How was that even _remotely_ on-topic?" said Bowser incredulously.

"Which part? The observation or the song?"

"The song, I- Wait! No, I won't get off-topic on account of your off-topic song! Was that your plan all along, to distract me? I- Koopa! I'm getting distracted again!" Bowser shook his head in frustration. He then held out his arms. "What's the matter with you people! Don't your know who I am? I must not be Bowser – I must not be the king or you wouldn't be so sassy, so lippy, so infuriatingly disobedient! It's maddening! Well in that case, _please_, tell me who I am! – Who you _think_ I am!"

"Bowser's shadow, Your Shadyness," offered Kammy.

"Ha! Maybe I am – because the way I've been treated is certainly not the way a king such as the real Bowser should be treated!"

"Bowser's the Real McCoy!" joked Kammy.

"That I am!" said Bowser, puffing out his chest before glowering at Larry. "And yet you're lot have been treating me like I'm not. Like I'm not the King – like I'm not your father! Koopa, it's like I don't have children, it's so bad!"

"Don't worry, Your Parentalness," soothed Kammy. "They'll make an obedient father of you yet."

Bowser had half a mind to kill Kammy for that, but he directed his anger at Larry instead. "Well, we've established who I am – King Bowser! And since you're obviously not Bowser's son – seeing as how poorly you're treating me – please tell me, sir, what's your name?"

"Very funny, King Dad…" Larry scowled. "You're overreacting… I'm not treating you poorly – certainly not enough to mock-disown me – I'm just trying to be reasonable… A castle cannot function when its soldiers and servants are split between two masters… You do not need them at your back and call alone, for our servants will tend to you, and our soldiers will defend you… If your minions weren't so disorderly – you should see what Petey Piranha's done to the kitchen – if they weren't so misbehaved, the other inhabitants of this castle would be much more welcoming to you, King Dad… If you would relinquish your sole influence on them… and allow Roy and I to keep them in order for you… why, the entire castle would be at your beck and call! …And ours too, and isn't that what you wanted? Us to run the place while you enjoy a- a vacation? …Can't you see that it's not working out like you had planned?"

"**NO!**" bellowed Bowser, pushing himself out of the throne and towering over Larry, who was still at the foot of the steps. "I WILL NOT! You're asking me to become a guest in my own castle! I am the KING! It's **my** castle! If the loyalties are divided, then have them all answer to me!"

"But you won't control the Koopas that follow you! …If I give you the rest of the servants and the soldiers, the castle will go to pot! …To the Underwhere in a hand-basket!"

"The castle was fine under my sole command for years- for _decades_."

"But not anymore! You knew the strains of leading the land for so long were finally creeping up on you, Kind Dad… That's why you divided your kingdom in the first place… You've taken care of everything for so long, now let us take care of you."

"Flattery will get you nowhere! I'm leaving! Surely Iggy and Wendy and the rest of them won't treat me like an infirm old man who can't take care of himself and a few measly minions!"

"I call it like I see it," said Larry, unappologetically.

"You brat! You ungrateful wretch! You're no son of mine! You **bastard**!"

"Whoa! Whoa! What's all dis screamin' about?" Roy ran into the hallway and skidded to a halt beside Larry, staring at Bowser as he stormed down the steps in a blaze of anger.

"_Et tu_, Roy? You'd have me controlled? I am the **King**! Prepare my Koopa Cruiser! I'm leaving!"

"Listen, Pa, I don't know what Larry did ta ya, but-"

"But nothing! I gave you **everything**! And you repay me by asking for _more_?! After all I've done for you, you betray me! You're just like Peach, and I won't stand for it anymore! I've been insulted and mistreated and I won't stand for it! You hear me?! I WON'T!"

"I didn't do notin', Pa!" beseeched Roy, though the majority of Bowser's choler was already directed at Larry.

"I hope you never find a mate and never have children!" railed Bowser. "You're such a horrible son, I know you'll be a horrible father too!"

"Like you?" quipped Larry.

"GRAAAAAHHHH!!!" Bowser lunged at his second-youngest son, who jumped behind Roy for protection. Even Roy took a step back from his father's rage, and fortunately for him, Bowser didn't advance any further. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" He screeched, venomous spit flying from his mouth and spattering Roy's face and glasses. He turned and charged out of the room, bellowing for the Koopa Cruiser to be fired up. Kammy and Kamek summoned their broomsticks and followed their king without another word to his stunned children.

"What da _hell_ did you do ta him?" admonished Roy, spinning around to face the cowering Larry.

"I put him in his place… That's all you need to know," said Larry.

"'All I need ta know'? I'm da head o' dis household too, ya know! You just alienated Pa against me, and I damn well wanna know why!"

Toadsworth then entered, and Larry seized upon the distraction, lest he had to answer to Roy. "Did you send Iggy my message?"

"Yes, sire," nodded the old Toad.

"Good, now take a plane to Mushroom Castle. I'm sure that's where King Dad is headed next, and Iggy must know what happened. I'll come myself as soon as I can, but in the meantime, you must be my eyes, ears and tongue."

"Yes, sire." Toadsworth turned and scuttled out of the room as Larry turned to Roy.

"King Dad's out of control, and we must help him… Tough love is the only thing that'll stop the madness… We can't afford to take him lying down anymore… We need to fight fire with fire."

Roy shook his head. "I don't know what yer tinkin', but I don't like it."

"I'm only doing what I must to help the kingdom."

"I'm not so sure, but until I know more, I guess I have no choice but ta trust yer judgement." Roy sighed, wondering why he even chose Larry as his partner in crime.

"No choice at all," grinned Larry sadistically as his brother stormed away.


	5. Act I Scene v and Act II Scene i

**A/N****: I hate putting scenes from different acts together into one chapter, but it was the only match-up that made sense with these two little scenes.**

**In **_**Lear**_**, Ludwig and Iggy's groups lived in the same area, but I split them up for **_**King Bowser**_**; fortunately this worked out well for this first scene, because otherwise it would mean a Magikoopa can cross a continent faster than the Koopa Cruiser, and that's not right.**

**I expanded the opening exchange of the second scene to explain why everyone's using messengers to talk to each other, as opposed to using the phone or Crystal Balls, which, unlike in **_**King Lear**_**, are at the disposal of the main characters. I also added and changed stuff to fit Wario's appearance in the story, and shortened the later parts of the scene.**

Act I. Scene v.

"Here, take this to Sarasaland," said Bowser, handing Kamek a note he had just scribbled down while waiting for the Koopa Cruiser to be warmed up. "Give it to my son, Ludwig; he lives in the castle in the province of Chai – the one really far west. I'm going to Mushroom Land to be with Iggy and Wendy, but I want Ludwig and the others to know what Larry and Roy are up to. I can't risk them being turned on me too."

"I'll go as fast as I can," said Kamek, bowing his head slightly as he took the letter.

"You better," growled Bowser good-naturedly. But as Kamek flew out of the hanger and disappeared in the darkness outside the castle, the King's face fell.

"If our brains were in our feet, don't you think they'd be in danger of getting all chafed and blistered as we walked?"

Bowser looked at Kammy. She was obviously trying to distract him from his troubled thoughts, and though he didn't particularly want to be cheered-up in such a manner by such a foolish old woman, Bowser decided to humor her. "I guess," he shrugged.

"Then if your recent actions are any indication, you have nothing to worry about, Your Brainlessness!"

"Ha ha ha," said Bowser flatly. It seemed Kammy was not trying to cheer him up after-all.

"You think Iggy and Wendy will treat you any better than Larry?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Bowser growled, his patience running thin.

"Do you know how a Clambo makes its shell?" Asked Kammy, changing the subject.

"No."

"Me neither. But I _do_ know it doesn't build its shell up just to break it apart and hand out to its children, leaving itself destitute – that's for sure, Your Homelessness," said Kammy, bringing the conversation right back to where it started.

"I really hate you," scowled Bowser, staring into the blackness beyond the mouth of the hanger. "You know that, right Haggy?"

"Yes, Your Bluffingness," said Kammy, winking behind her glasses.

Bowser sighed. "Maybe I was being a bit unreasonable…" He then turned and glared at the unmoving Crusier at the back of the bay. "What the Underwhere's taking Morton so long to get that damn thing turned on?"

"Do you know why there are only seven Star Spirits?"

"Let me guess, because if there were eight of them, they'd be treacherous like my eight Koopalings, right?" Bowser whirled around and glowered down at Kammy. "Why don't you lay off me for a while?"

"If I were saying your kids are treacherous, wouldn't that mean I'm on _your_ side?" Kammy had a point, but Bowser wasn't listening.

"Maybe I should take back my full authority, seeing as they're so quick to try and rob me of what I've got left…" he mused, looking towards the far wall of the hanger, his eyes unfocused as he pondered his predicament.

"Oh, Your Cheatedness, you've grown old long before your time," sighed Kammy.

"Flattery will get you nowhere," said Bowser absentmindedly. "I was always a good father… I don't see how they turned out so rotten…"

"Let me finish," said Kammy, holding out a hand. "I was saying you're old before your time because one should not grow old until they've grown _wise_."

"Oh yeah? Then you and I are in the same boat, aren't we, Batty? Now shut up and let me think!" In his youth, embers would have accompanied that admonition, but now all Bowser's tired body could manage was a wisp of smoke that curled out his right nostril and dissipated in an instant. Bowser sighed. "I have changed… I am not myself… Oh Koopa, I don't wanna go batty too!"

"King Dad!" Morton waddled up to the distressing King. "The Koopa Cruiser's all ready to go! I can't wait to see Iggy and Wendy, how 'bout you? Oh, and eat some Mushroomian dishes! They have the best food in all the land, that's for sure! And the Toad servants – or rather, _retainers_, I should say – are so funny! They're so scared of us that they'll do anything! Heh, it's so fun to boss them around and-"

"All right! All right! Let's just go," Bowser stormed away, with Morton, still chattering, at his heels. Kammy shook her head at the Koopaling's ignorance towards his father's desperate situation. A King should not be forced from his own castle, and as she followed in his footsteps, she couldn't help but feel sorry for Bowser – even if he _had_ brought it all upon himself.

Act II. Scene i.

It was past midnight before Daisy saw fit to visit Lemmy in his hideaway. She often roamed around at night, and Ludwig was too trusting to suspect that she was up to no good if one of the guards did accost her. But she was in luck, and she made it into the garden without incident. Then, as she meandered through the trees, she came across Wario.

"What are you doing?" she snapped.

Wario jumped, dropping the berries he had been picking from a stand of bushes. "Who tha- Oh, it's just you."

"There's food in the castle," Daisy raised her eyebrows at Wario.

"None I can get at," he huffed, turning back to the bushes. "Your stupid servants have locked the kitchen doors."

"There not my servants anymore," said Daisy, her voice as bitter as Wario's.

"Oh yeah, I forgot that…" said Wario, before shoving another handful of berries into his mouth. As he chewed, he continued speaking. "I live out east, in Birabuto – not much goes on there. Tha only reason I'm here is because I needed ta pick up some rare antiques this guy's been holding for me."

"Yeah… I don't really _care_ why you're here," smirked Daisy.

"Ya might care about this: those otha Koopalings are comin'. Ya know, tha ones from tha Mushroom Kingdom, or Mushroom Land, or whatever they're calling it these days. Anyway, they'll be here any time now."

"Really?" Wario was right: Daisy did care about that.

"Yeah, that's why I'm here: ta tell Ludwig."

"I though you were here to collect treasure?"

"I'm in Chai to get treasure, but I'm at tha castle ta tell Ludwig. I saw the otha Koopalings back in Birabuto; we were both fillin' up our airplanes at an oasis-side airport. Their plane was bigger, so it took way longer and they paid me ta tell Ludwig and those other two Koopalings they're coming, seeing as I'd get here first. It's got something ta do with the Dark Land Koopalings…"

"Interesting…"

"Yeah. Apparently no one's trusting the airwaves at tha moment – they don't wanna be overheard by their siblings and ol' Bowser – they're all usin' couriers ta talk to each otha. They're payin' for the gas too, so I might stick around after I get my treasure and make myself useful, wa ha ha!"

"Why are they using airplanes?" asked Daisy. "Why not Warp Pipes?"

"Warp Pipes are only good for small groups, and the Koopalings all have big groups of soldiers and servants with 'em," said Wario, rolling his eyes as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

"I figured that," huffed Daisy indignantly. "I was just making sure."

"Well, make sure somewhere else, toots," said Wario, belching. "Leave me to my dinner."

"Why don't you just go into town and buy something from one of the seedy bars?"

"The otha Koopalings promised me I'd get a free meal when I delivered their letter and I'm damn well gonna take it," growled Wario. "Then I'll go get some real food."

"I've heard of people eating out of boredom, but never spite. Is that why you're so fat?" jeered Daisy.

"Get lost, ugly," responded Wario, turning his back to the ex-princess and finishing off the last of the berries.

Daisy was done with Wario anyway, so she continued through the garden to Lemmy's hideaway. Reaching the apple tree, she pulled on a certain branch and pressed a certain knot, and a secret pipe popped out of the ground beneath a nearby bush. "Lemmy! Get out here!" hissed Daisy, down the pipe.

A moment later, Lemmy appeared from the hideout. "Did you talk to Ludwig?"

"You have to get out of here!" whispered Daisy, panic on her face. "Ludwig knows you're here – I don't know who told him, but somehow he knows."

"What! How?"

"_I don't know_," repeated Daisy, suppressing her irritation with some difficulty. "Maybe Wario found the pipe – he's been prowling around the garden."

"I didn't hear anyone-"

"Have you been in contact with Iggy and Wendy?" continued Daisy. "Did you say anything suspicious to them, because they're coming here – tonight!"

"No, I swear I didn't!" Lemmy had tears in his eyes, he couldn't understand why all this was happening to him.

"I hear someone coming!" lied Daisy, pushing Lemmy away from the pipe and down a path. "Hurry! Run! There's some Warp Pipes just outside the garden wall to the south, they lead to the village. Watch out for Wario, and for the Stars' sakes _hurry_!" Lemmy obeyed Daisy's urgings with a whimper, and rolled away on his ball as fast as he could.

Daisy turned around with a malicious grin on her face. She then took out one of her crystals and scratched at her arm, planning to frame Lemmy for that as well. She rushed through the woods, back the way she had come, and to her delight, she met Ludwig and Bowser Jr. just outside the door.

"Daisy! Vat are you doing? Vat happened?" he gasped, as she staggered up to him.

"Lemmy," she panted, feigning being winded from her "flight". "I- I confronted him and he attacked me."

"Vich vay did he go?" demanded Ludwig.

"Look, I'm bleeding," said Daisy, buying Lemmy more time to escape.

"Vere is Lemmy, Daisy?" urged Ludwig.

"He went west," said Daisy, pointing with her uninjured arm.

"Stop him!" commanded Ludwig.

"I'll try," said Junior, running off into the darkened garden.

"There is a warp pipe there that leads to Jewelry Land," she continued, wincing as she nursed her arm.

"Here, let me see zat," said Ludwig, taking Daisy's arm and inspecting the wound.

"It's nothing," she said, pulling her arm away.

"Fortunately Lemmy's claws are neizzer sharp nor long," said Ludwig, pulling out his wand. "Neverzeless, open vounds are not fun." He waved it over Daisy's arm and the cuts disappeared. Daisy smiled, not in gratitude, but in triumph. She had been a bit worried that if Ludwig got a good look at the cuts, he'd realize they were not made by a Dragon-Koopa, and she had hoped that by hamming up her performance, he'd take pity on her and fix the wound right away. Ludwig was _so_ predictable.

"Now," continued Ludwig. "Vat _exactly_ happened?"

"I found Lemmy hiding in the garden," explained Daisy. "He asked me to help kill you; I could hardly believe my ears! I told him I'd never do that, and he attacked me. He caught me by surprise, but I managed to stop him from doing anything worse than that scratch. When he realized he wouldn't be able to kill me too, he ran off – or at least, I think that's why he fled."

"Rest assured, ven he's caught, he'll be sorry he ever turned against us," said Ludwig, though it was clear he was still unhappy about the prospect of persecuting his own brother.

"I told him if he just came back inside with me that we could sort it out and forget this whole thing. Brothers should not turn against brothers like this," said Daisy, putting a comforting hand on Ludwig's arm.

"I don't understand vy he vould do zis," sighed Ludwig.

"Who'd do what?" asked Wendy, strolling up to the pair with Iggy, evidently, having just arrived.

"Lemmy has turned against me!" cried Ludwig.

"Lemmy!" gasped Iggy. "I don't believe it!"

"I can hardly believe it eizzer, but zee facts speak for zemselves."

"He's turning out just like King Dad," said Iggy. "We just got news from Larry that he's been acting like a brute all week, and stormed out of the castle before dinner tonight. He didn't feel he was being treated well enough in Dark Land, when in reality he was the one in the wrong. We came here to try and avoid him – at least, until morning."

"Hopefully by then Daddy would have chilled-out," added Wendy. "Or if not, we'll at least have had a few hours to think of how to handle his temper."

"Yes, zee last sing vee vant is for Fazzer to be lost to us, like Lemmy," nodded Ludwig sadly.

Daisy reached out to comfort Ludwig again. "Oh? What's this?" Wendy grinned; she had always suspected there was something going on between Ludwig and Daisy – why else would he be so nice to her? – and now she figured she had finally spotted some proof.

"Daisy vas zee vone who uncovered Lemmy's plot," said Ludwig. "She even confronted him at great personal risk. She tried to bring him back to our side, but he slashed her arm and ran."

"Wow, that's really nice of you to try and help stupid old Lems," said Wendy unconvincingly. "Or were you doing it to help Ludwig?"

"Both," said Daisy. "There's been so much fighting, I just don't wanna see my country ransacked by political upheaval again."

Wendy's face fell; if Daisy and Ludwig did have a relationship, they hid it well. On the other hand, Iggy's feeling for the pretty ex-princess were written all over his face, but Wendy never bothered casting a glance back over her shoulder. "Well," she said, "thanks for the help. It looks like our family's headed for a little upheaval of our own, and it's good to know you have our backs."

"Of course," said Daisy, bowing her head a little; the action pained her much more than he cut on her arm ever did.


	6. Act II Scenes ii and iii

**A/N****: Here's another double-scene. The second half's so sort, I don't even have anything to say about it.**

**In the original play, Toadsworth's character (Oswald) was just arriving at Ludwig's place to deliver Larry (Goneril)'s message to Iggy (Regan) in this first scene, but since Iggy/Regan already knew about how Bowser/Lear had been acting, I didn't get why Oswald was only just arriving. Therefore, I changed it. I also added the part where Kamek gave Ludwig the note from Bowser (the whole point of him being there), since Shakespeare sorta forgot about that in **_**King Lear**_**.**

Act II. Scene ii.

"Oh, I say, this castle is far too hard to navigate," muttered Toadsworth to himself. When he delivered Larry's message to Iggy and Wendy, they had immediately set out for Ludwig's castle, and Toadsworth came with them. He would have preferred to stay at his old castle in Mushroom Land, but he did not want to meet with Bowser when he arrived and found out his children had left the building. Toadsworth hadn't been able to keep up with Wendy and Iggy as they hurried over from the airstrip, and now that he had finally reached the castle, he couldn't find a way in. Every door was locked, and there wasn't a guard in sight.

The castle was a sprawling complex of separate buildings, presumably connected via underground passages (if Toadsworth remembered his schooling on Chai architecture correctly), surrounded by an outer wall (which stretched out to include the airstrip, as well as a massive garden to the south). Before long, Toadsworth had gotten himself completely turned around, and as he stopped to ponder his next move, he caught sight of someone else moving in the darkness. "Oh ho! M'boy, over here! I could use some assistance!"

Toadsworth figured the only other ones outside at such an early hour would be guards, and as Kamek slunk into view, the old Toad didn't even consider the fact that the disheveled Magikoopa was the same one he had encountered back in Dark Land. Perhaps if he had a source of light he could have recognized Kamek, but in the faint moonlight, Toadsworth was out of luck. "Please, could you show me to a door? I'm afraid I've lost my way in the darkness and can't seem to find my way inside."

"Good," said Kamek, still angry at Toadsworth.

"_What?_"

"You darken whomever's door you come across. You're nothing but a useless old buffoon. An antiquated fool; an anachronism who can't get with the times. You're a coward and a louse; a stain on the rug of whatever idiot would call you his servant. An illiterate Chain-Chomp would prove more useful and more loyal, by far, than yourself. You're proud, you're vain, you're ignorant, and if you disagree I've spells that will change your mind quite handily."

"I say!" Toadsworth was completely flummoxed by Kamek's spiteful tirade. "You don't even know me, fellow! Why do you say all this, sir?"

"I do know you! Remember how I made you pay for how you acted towards King Bowser! You must be senile as well, to forget that after less than five hour's time!"

"By jove! It's you! You rascal! What are you doing here?" Toadsworth was getting a little worried, as Kamek was advancing on him rather menacingly, the tip of his wand glowing red.

"I'm here to teach you some manners!" Kamek grinned sadistically.

"I say! Help, ho! Murder! Help!"

"I'll make you pay for how you treated Bowser!" Kamek lunged towards Toadsworth, who dived out of the way with a cry.

"Help, ho! Murder! Murder!"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Cool it, man!" Daisy appeared in the darkness, and grabbed at Kamek's raised wand with the hand that wasn't holding a flickering torch.

"You wanna fight me instead? Bring it on, girlie!" Deep down, Kamek knew he was landing himself in very hot water, but he was tired of holding in his rage.

"Vat's going on here?" demanded Ludwig as he, Wendy and Iggy appeared on the scene with some torch-bearing Pionpi guards

"It's Toadsworth!" gasped Wendy.

"Let me guess, you're working for our father, aren't you," said Iggy, peering at Kamek.

"M'lords, he attacked me as I was wandering in the dark looking for a door!" panted Toadsworth.

"You deserve to be lost, you old codger!" spat Kamek, exaggerating his fury to conceal his identity. He was worried the Koopalings would recognize him, as they were a trifle sharper than their father had been in the best of times, but it seemed his act had them deceived as well. They knew Kamek to be a composed and civil Magikoopa, not a raving punk.

"I say! I was minding my own business when-"

"Yes, and no one else's business!" interrupted Kamek. "A horrid servant you are, to ignore your master – your master's master – the King! Thou whoreson zed! Thou unnecessary letter!"

"Don't quote Shakespeareguy at me, you miscreant! I say, the Bard would be turning in his grave to hear his prose spoken so-"

"So appropriately! Only the greatest insults for the greatest gits, wouldn't you say?"

"Enough already!" shrieked Wendy. "Both of you, shut up right now! No more quotes from you, no more old-person ravings from _you_."

Toadsworth was a little taken aback at being silenced. "But I was just-"

"Shhhh!"

"But I-"

"Uh-uh! No talky!"

"You d-"

"I said _be quiet_!"

"See what I mean?" sneered Kamek.

"You be quiet too!" Wendy crossed her arms and glared at the offenders. Daisy still had a hand on Kamek's wand, and Ludwig was poised to block any attempts Toadsworth might make to get at the Magikoopa. After a moment of silence, Wendy sighed. "See? That wasn't so hard. Now, you, why are you so mad at him?"

"What kind of person would even hire a servant as dreadful as him? Why was he kept on after his princess left, whereas King Bowser's loyal underlings find themselves dispatched?" Kamek hoped alluding to himself would help to convince the Koopalings he was someone else. "A Toad serving the Koopas in Dark Land? No wonder Larry turned on his father! His mind was poisoned by this slave- this foul-"

"I asked you _why_ you're mad at him," said Wendy, rolling her eyes.

"He did answer it… sorta," shrugged Iggy.

"Yeah, well I heard more insults than explanation," countered Wendy.

"You all suck, you know that?" blurted Kamek, sounding every inch the spoiled rockstar he was portraying.

"No, _you_ suck."

"Did _you_ do anything to insult _him_?" said Iggy, before the scene between Wendy and Kamek could get ugly.

Toadsworth shook his head. "No, I say! I was merely heading to the kitchen to check on supper, and he and the King assaulted me! He tripped me and they threatened my very life! All unprovoked! All uncalled for!"

"Liar! It was most certainly called for! You ignored the King's commands – a capital offense if there ever was one!"

"I've had enough of this," said Wendy, pulling out her own wand. "Daisy, take his wand and back up."

Kamek saw what was coming, and though he could easily overpower the entire crowd without breaking a sweat, he released his wand and grinned rebelliously at Wendy as she cast her spell. Her magic candy rings materialized in the air and flew to Kamek's wrists and ankles. As Wendy wavered her wand around, the rings pulled Kamek's limbs together; his hands were fastened together, and his feet were stuck to the cement.

"You'll spend the night right here," said Wendy.

"And all of tomorrow," added Iggy.

"Your father won't be happy to find out you chained up his messenger," said Kamek coolly.

"Then maybe he'll learn to teach his servants some manners," responded Iggy, earning an approving nod from Wendy, and another coy smile from Daisy.

Ludwig, on the other hand, was not amused. "He has a point. King Dad's been razzer touchy zeese days, and ven he sees vat vee have done, zere's no telling vat he'll do."

"If we don't punish him, then what'll Larry think? We may not have to fear his wrath, but is that any reason to let his servant be abused and assaulted under our roof. Or rather, under _your_ roof."

Ludwig considered Iggy's words for a moment. "I guess…"

"Good, now let's go inside," said Wendy, and before Ludwig could finish his though, she, Iggy and Toadsworth were gone. Daisy and Ludwig lingered behind.

"I'm sorry about zis," said Ludwig, walking up beside Kamek and putting a hand on his shoulder. I'll see if I can get you released before lunchtime tomorrow.

"Don't worry about it," said Kamek, with a bitter smile. "I've been flying all night long, and I could do with some rest before Bowser comes and starts ordering me around again."

"He's coming here?"

"If they're not at Mushroom Castle, I see no other place for him to go," said Kamek, jutting his chin in the direction Iggy and Wendy had departed.

"You said you vere acting as his messenger, did Fazzer have a note for me?"

"Oh, I almost forgot about that!" Kamek strained against his handcuffs to reach into his sleeve and grope around for the message.

"And you say Toadsworth is the bad servant?" snorted Daisy, with a wry grin on her face.

"Very funny," said the Magikoopa, handing the note to Ludwig.

"Do you vant anysing? I could run some food out-"

"No, no, I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow," said Kamek, turning away before Ludwig could get a good look at his face. The eldest Koopaling was very observant; if anyone could see through the Youth Potion, it was him, so the sooner he left Kamek alone, the better.

"Suit yourself," sighed Ludwig. As he walked away, he paused and lit a nearby torch bracket with his firebreath, so that Kamek would not have to sit in the dark once Daisy's torchlight was gone from the clearing. Kamek smiled in appreciation, and once he was alone, he pulled out a second note from his sleeve and read it over again. It was a letter from Peach, who had heard of Bowser's growing discontent at the hands of his thankless children, and promised to return to the Koopa Kingdom and help her old friend. Kamek had received the note from a trustworthy friend in Rogueport shortly before rejoining Bowser, but reading it again brought him some comfort as he prepared for a cold and lonely night.

Act II. Scene iii.

As the pale sun rose over the mountains of Chai, Lemmy got his first good look at himself since the night before. He had made it to the Warp Pipes without being detected, and had spent the night hiding in the alleyways of the village. He overheard rumours about a bounty on his head – dead or alive. He didn't want to believe Ludwig would go so far as to wanting him killed, but with Bowser's recent erratic behavior, Lemmy thought it best to not take any chances. Under the assumption that he was a wanted Koopa, he set about to disguise himself beyond recognition.

First, he exchanged his beloved rubber ball and his silver bracelets for a tattered old Pionpi cloak that disguised his spiked shell. He then dyed his precious rainbow mohawk black and messed up his hair so that it hung over his head, instead of standing up into the air. That way, both the conspicuous pink stripes on the side of his head and his famous lazy eye were obscured from view. Now, Lemmy scooped mud out of the river and smeared it all over his face and clothes; he figured no one would want to interact with a crazy, homeless Koopa, and looking and smelling the part was a must if he hoped to get out of the castle's vicinity alive.

He was planning to head south for the Beanbean Kingdom, and after a final look in the water, Lemmy turned his back on his new reflection. Storm clouds loomed in the distance, but there was nowhere for Lemmy to take shelter in the village, and he had no choice but to set out immediately, hoping the storm would at least dissuade the castle guards from pursuing him into the countryside.


	7. Act II Scene iv

**A/N****: I added a lot of little things in this one to make it a bit more dynamic, while at the same time cutting Bowser's relentless tirades a little shorter.**

Act II. Scene iv.

Bowser was a foul mood by the time the Koopa Cruiser landed at Ludwig's castle, and it didn't help that the door leading into the castle from the airstrip was still locked and unguarded.

"Oh come on! If you're gonna lock your doors, at least post sentries!" roared Bowser, after his banging on the door went unheeded. "My kids are horrible heads of households, simply horrible!"

"I heard it's customary to leave the doors unguarded here in Chai," said Morton brightly. "Their locks are enchanted and unbreakable, so it'd be a waste of the guard's time to guard-"

"And it's a waste of _our_ time to sit here and wait for someone to come and open the door!" growled Bowser. "And since I'm the King, my time's more important than some insignificant guard's."

"Maybe there's another way in," said Morton, tottering away through the grounds. "Chai castles are huge complexes, and there are bound to be some Pionpi around to open that door even if we don't find another way in…"

Morton kept chattering away as they walked around the various buildings, having as much luck as Toadsworth had the night before, despite the fact that it was now daylight. Kamek heard Morton's voice long before the group rounded the corner, and he sat up to greet them. "Hey, hey, lookie who's here! The King!"

"Nice bondage," leered Bowser. "Do all you rockstars pass your nights handcuffed to the ground by giant rings of candy, or is it just you?"

"I don't think he's tied up by choice, Your Luridness," frowned Kammy.

"She's right. It was your daughter who chained me up, and I assure you, that's all that happened between us," said Kamek, wincing at the mental images that sprang to his mind as he considered what could have happened between them if Bowser's joke had been truthful. Kamek swallowed, "your daughter's no dominatrix, that's for sure."

"Hah, you obviously haven't seen what's in her closet," said Bowser, also wincing at what was flashing through his head. "Seriously. All I wanted was some hair gel to pull a prank on Haggy here – you'd think Wendy'd put warning signs on boxes filled with that sorta thing."

"Oh, oh, what was in them? I rooted through her closet once too – or actually, I've looked through it a few times, but only once recently, and she's probably got new things since then, and-"

"Let's not talk about this anymore," said Bowser, turning back to Kamek. "Why'd she lock you up?"

"I ran into Toadsworth, and your kids didn't appreciate the fact that I was still a little testy about his treatment of you last night."

"They locked you up for defending my honor, did they? Did you tell them what happened? How Larry and Roy turned on me, and how Toadsworth is nothing but their little stooge?"

"Wendy and Iggy were deaf to my arguments, but Ludwig was reasonable enough," said Kamek.

"At least I have one good kid left," sighed Bowser.

"Hey!"

"Oh, right, you're good too, Morton."

"Thanks. You know, I was thinking-"

"_Fathers that wear rags  
Do make their children blind;  
But fathers that bear bags  
Shall see their children kind.  
Fortune, that arrant whore,  
Ne'er turns the key to the poor._"

Bowser, Morton and Kamek all turned, blinking, to Kammy.

"Seriously, what's the deal with you and your stupid poems," said Bowser incredulously. "It's like you won't shut up about them."

"Not 'about them', King Dad – she's not talking _about_ them, she keeps _saying them_. What you should've said was that she 'just won't shut up' period," corrected Morton.

"That's a bit like the Bob-omb calling the Bullet Bill black, coming from you," said Bowser, crossing his arms.

"That's why I said it – I wanted to spare you one of his rants – no offense Morton, but I just don't think His Surliness is in the mood for-"

"I'm not in the mood for your stupid poems either, Stupid!"

"How repetitive," smirked Kammy.

"Grrr, enough! You two stay here with Rocker-Dude, I'll go find Ludwig," with that, Bowser stormed off.

"What _is_ you name, anyway?" asked Morton, peering at Kamek.

"Uh-"

"_That sir which serves and seeks for gain,  
And follows but for form,  
Will pack when it begins to rain  
And leave thee in the storm.  
But I will tarry; the fool will stay,  
And let the wise man fly.  
The knave turns fool that runs away;  
The fool, no knave perdy._"

Once again, the distracting poetry worked its charm as Morton turned away from Kamek and started blabbering at Kammy. "'_Pear-die_'? I thought 'perdy''s pronounced 'Pear-dieu', y'know, because it stems from '_par dieu_'."

"Is that German for 'to become', or something?" said Kammy.

"No! It's French for 'by God' – 'by Koopa' if you want to Koopasize it, or 'by the Stars' for the Mushroomians and Sarasalanders," said Morton, who loved learning about languages and word origins as much as he did useless trivia.

"Oh, I always thought those last lines were saying how the knaves that turned on their masters were the real fools, while the fool who stayed didn't become a knave." She looked over at Kamek, who was looking rather bored. "A 'knave' being a traitorous rascal, that is."

"I know what a knave is," snarled Kamek.

"Oh, it looked you weren't following the conversation…"

"I wasn't, but not because I couldn't understand it, but because it's so freaking **boring**!"

"But you're a musician!" gasped Morton. "Shouldn't you care about word pronunciations, their origins, their synonyms and how they translate from culture to culture, and between languages and between generations too (seeing as we don't really use 'perdy' anymore)? 'Perdy' must've been chosen because it looks like 'fly' on paper – a 'sight rhyme', as they say, though it can also be known as a 'visual rhyme' or an 'eye rhyme'. I hate those – poets and songwriters who use them are just being lazy; but I hate it when the people mispronounce the words to fit them even worse. I hope _you_ don't do that."

Morton looked expectantly at Kamek, who merely leaned back onto the ground. "Look, kid, I'm a rhythm and lead guitar. I don't care about lyrics, okay? I don't write 'em, I don't sing 'em, I don't-"

"I'm back!" Bowser strode up to the threesome with Ludwig in tow.

"And you brought Ludwig, oh joy, Your Successfulness!"

"Hardly," snorted Bowser. "Wendy and Iggy refused to even come out and see me! I mean, the rock didn't hit them, and it's not even their window – it's yours!" Bowser turned to Ludwig. "But you know, if you left some guards outside I wouldn't have to throw rocks at your windows to get people's attention!"

"Sarasalanders are deeply set in zeir vays," sighed Ludwig.

"Maybe you should relocate to another province!" suggested Morton excitedly. "Easton's got a bad history with the Koopas so that might not be so great, but Birabuto's cool! Er, not _literally_ cool, but it's a nice place to live… if you like deserts, that is. I like deserts, but I'm not sure if you do, Luddy. Oh! But there's always Muda – a nice castle by the sea-"

"Be quiet! I'm in a bad enough mood without having to listen to your innate dribble," Bowser massaged his temples in frustration. "Iggy and Wendy and Roy and Larry are absolutely _ruining_ my retirement! And it makes me so **mad**!"

"I've been trying to tell zem zey should hear you out-"

"'Hear me out'? They should be doing exactly what I tell them to do! They should be on their knees, begging my forgiveness, and instead they're locked inside having tea while my servant's out here in the cold and damp morning of this awful place! I wouldn't even be here if my kids had just done what I had told them to, but _no_, they had to get creative and resentful. I gave them control of the kingdom, but not of me! YA HEAR ME!?! I should be back home in Dark Land, I should be the one sitting by the fire drinking tea! AND I HATE TEA! But I'd drink it just to spite them, because I can do that, because I'm KING! And they're not! I'd _forbid_ them from having tea! All the tea would be mine! ALL MINE! Gwa ha ha!"

"I'll tell zem to come outside," said Ludwig, rushing away from his father's unusual outburst.

"Yeah, you **better**! Bwa ha ha!"

Kamek and Kammy exchanged worried looks behind the King's back.

"Too bad he didn't set you free before he left," observed Morton. "I would've-"

"SHUT UP!" chorused the Magikoopas, before Bowser could do something worse to his chatterbox son.

Soon, Ludwig reappeared, now with Iggy and Wendy in his wake.

"Daddy! How good it is to see you," smiled Wendy sweetly, waving her wand in Kamek's direction and causing her candied restrains to shatter into dust.

"Mmm, pixie stick filling," said Morton, licking his lips.

The others ignored him, however. "It better be good to see me," huffed Bowser. "Or you're no daughter of mine. And you neither Iggy."

"Yeah, I'm your _son_," quipped Iggy.

Bowser's face reddened. "Another _ungrateful_ son, in that case!" The King's face then fell and he began to whine. "You better not be like Larry. You wouldn't believe what he said to me – what he did to me! I gave him my precious, precious castle and he turned me out! He took my servants and forced me to leave with only these two to help fly the Koopa Cruiser!"

"That's not like Larry," frowned Iggy. "If he's ambitious, it's only because you taught him to be ambitious – you taught us all to be ambitious, haven't you? To be ruthless despots? I'm sure you've misunderstood Larry – he's not used to being in charge, remember? You should be proud that Larry's finding his voice! You should be glad we've turned out like you wanted us to!"

"Hardly," scowled Bowser. "I didn't raise you to turn on your own father."

"We heard Larry simply told you to restrain your soldiers. You always kept an organized castle, so what's wrong with him doing the same?"

"What's wrong is that he's not in charge! I am! I'm King!"

"Not in charge?" scoffed Iggy. "King Dad, you _gave us_ your kingdom – of course we're in charge! You're old now, and you deserve a peaceful retirement – isn't that what you wanted? Go back and let Larry keep the guards in order. Or better yet, let Roy do it – you know how much he likes that sorta thing."

"I don't believe this!" gasped Bowser. "I won't go back!"

"You will go back – I'm sure Larry'll forgive you."

"Forgive _me_? It's him that needs forgiving. He better come crawling to me on his hands and knees and beg my forgiveness before I even consider returning to the castle which I so foolishly gave to an ungrateful brat like him!"

"Daddy, be _reasonable_," said Wendy, stepping forward, having grown tired of letting Iggy do all the talking. "We're doing this for your own good-"

"**Liar!** You're doing this because you want it all for yourselves! You're just like Larry and Roy, how could you do this to me? I hate you all! I hope you all die alone and unloved and powerless and homeless! I hope all your windows get broken, and I hope the pieces cut _you_ into little pieces! And I hope you cry and wish you never double-crossed me and all the kindness and love and land I've slathered on you all these years! And I hope you're miserable! And I hope you're sorry for what you've done! And I hope- I hope- I HOPE YOU NEVER DRINK TEA AGAIN!"

"I see I've come at a bad time…" sneered Larry, walking around the corner behind Bowser.

The king whirled around, his eyes bulging from his skull in rage. "_**YOU**_!!! Why are _you_ here? You rat! You stupid, ugly wart!"

"So kind… so kind…" sighed Larry inching around his father and joining Iggy and Wendy.

"So you're all in this together?" growled Bowser, nodding to himself. "I see how it is. I see… Well… In that case, you're all **disowned**!"

"And you call _us_ unreasonable," snorted Iggy.

"Yeah… mellow out," said Larry.

"Totally," agreed Wendy.

"Fazzer, please, calm down, I'm sure vee can all vork somesing out – vee just need to be civil and-"

"No, Ludwig! They had their chances and they blew them all! They blew them right in my face! Psshhhhwwwffffhhhh" The Koopalings all instinctively jumped back from Bowser's prolonged exhalation, but his fire had gone out. "No! NO! This is not happening! It's not happening!" Bowser squeezed his eyes shut, held onto his horns and shook his head around as he wailed. "I say it's not happening! The King says it's not happening so it must **not be happening**!"

"Just calm down! Junior's somevere inside, and vonce he gets here, vee can vork somesing out. Morton's here so all vee have to do is call Roy and Lem-" Ludwig checked himself. However, he didn't think it would be wise to tell Bowser that _another_ one of his kids had turned traitor at that moment. "Vee'll have a family meeting and vee can clear zis all up."

"There's nothing to clear up," said Iggy. "King Dad's lost his mind – he's in no position to demand anything."

"We need to take charge… Or bad things will happen," murmured Larry solemnly, though he said it with a smile.

"No! NOOOOOO!!!!!" roared Bowser. "I will not be controlled! The King of the Koopas will NEVER be controlled! I rule this world! **I DO!** Not you, you're a bunch of dirty Bandits – cowardly Neckies who would pick my carcass clean the moment I drop dead! Is that why you're doing this? To send me on my way _faster_? You can't wait a few more years? And why do you feel the need to wait – to force me into an early grave – I already gave you everything!"

As the argument stretched on, the clouds continued to pour in. The sun was gone and the thunder rumbled as Bowser turned from his children. "I won't let you do this to me! I WON'T!!! I'll show you! I hate you! Rrrraaaahhhhh!!!" Bowser charged headlong though the courtyard.

"Your Mistreatedness! Stop!"

"Fazzer! No!"

"Come back!"

Kamek and Kammy both conjured up their brooms and flew after their king, with Ludwig and Morton following behind them.

"I heard Chai thunderstorms are nasty…" said Larry, looking warily up at the sky.

"Yes, we should go inside before it starts pouring," nodded Wendy.

"All the guards will be heading in already. All the doors should be bolted shut," said Iggy.

Ludwig and Morton reappeared just as the other three Koopalings turned away to go inside. "Vat is zee matter vit you guys? Vy in zee entire Mushroom Freaking Vorld did you do zat to Fazzer? He vaulted over zee outer vall-"

"He's the one who flew off handle," said Iggy coolly.

"But zee storm-"

"If he gets caught outside it'll serve him right," said Wendy, turning and heading off towards the garden doors.

"Maybe the storm'll knock some sense into him… show him that he does need us…" mused Larry as he and Iggy followed their sister.

"Vee must help Fazzer," insisted Ludwig, turning to Morton. "You go and try to catch up vit him before zee storm hits, I'll talk to Junior and make a plan."

"Okey-dokey, Luddy, I-"

"Ludwig clamped his hand down over his brother's mouth. "Now is not zee time for speeches, Morton, zee storm is almost upon us – zeese clippers come down fast and hard on zee land, vee must be quick or Fazzer is in serious trouble!"

"Okay, but first I gotta tell you something…" insisted Morton, and he endeavored to relay his latest story before the clouds burst.


	8. Act III Scenes i, ii and iii

**A/N****: Here's a rare three-in-one chapter.**

**I gave lots of Kamek's lines to Morton in the first scene.**

**The second scene's supposed to be more dramatic than funny, and this Shakespeare adaptation is supposed to be serious, not satirical, but Bowser and Kammy are just so much fun to play with. I left in a little sobering passage at the end, but I think the humor is a better use of this scene than hearing Bowser rage about his miserable lot in life some more.**

**The third scene's much more extended than the version in **_**King Lear**_**, partially because I needed to explain a few extra things, and partially because I wanted to add a little more interconnectedness.**

Act III. Scene i.

As Ludwig had predicted, the storm hit within minutes of Bowser's departure from the castle. Kamek soon found himself separated from Kammy and Bowser, as he struggled to fly against the swirling winds and pelting rain. He then saw a figure approaching. "Bowser!"

"No, it's me!" Responded Morton. "I'm looking for King Dad too!"

"He won't go to shelter on his own! We must find him!"

"Is he alone?!"

"No! Kammy's with him." By that point, Kamek and Morton had reached each other, and Kamek cast a magic shielding spell around them so they could speak more easily.

Morton grinned at the reprieve from the rain and shook the drops from his bushy eyebrows. "It's horrible how everything's going," he said, "I even heard Iggy and Wendy have some beef with Roy. I'm not sure whose side Larry's chosen, and he might not've even chosen a side at all. And did you hear about Lemmy?"

"Enough of this gossip," said Kamek. "We need to find the King."

"Yeah, you already said that… Hey! Do you think Peach could help us? I heard she's landed in Rogueport. She wants to help King Dad!"

"How do you know about that?" gasped Kamek, worried his and Peach's secret plot had been uncovered.

"Don't worry – I'm on your side. I'm just saying, Peach could calm King Dad down-"

"If she's in Rogueport, she can hardly help find and calm His Madness down out here – she's thousands of miles away!"

"'His Madness'?" said Morton, raising a suspicious – and still sopping – eyebrow.

"Er, Kammy's creative titles are starting to rub off on me," said Kamek. "I meant to say-"

"Hey, _I'm on_ _your side_, remember?" Grinned Morton, winking at Kamek. "Your secret, and Peach's secrets are safe with me."

Kamek knew all to well how "safe" secrets were with Morton – that was why he was worried. "Okay, thanks. Now, I'm pretty sure I can find Bowser on my own, so perhaps you can start heading east to Rogueport. I doubt we'll be able to get back inside the castle, so our best bet would be to take the nearest Warp Pipe outta here, and make our way cross-country on foot."

"_On foot_?"

"Hey, Mario and Luigi could do it twice a week back when Bowser was at his kidnapping prime," smirked Kamek. "I think we can manage one one-way journey."

"'One one'? Man, you're right – your no lyricist."

"Just go!" And to ensure that Morton didn't hang around any longer, Kamek waved away the forcefield and zoomed away through the whistling winds.

Act III. Scene ii.

"Blow winds blow! Crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow!"

"Your Tauntingness, please, now's not the time to misquote Shakespeareguy!" Kammy tugged on Bowser's leg, her wand raised and glowing faintly against the storm in an attempt to shield them. She knew she couldn't hold a full forcefield for very long, so the most she could manage was to lessen the force of the winds as they whipped the rain against their bodies.

"You hurricanes! Spout until you've drenched out steeples and drowned our cocks!" continued Bowser, paying Kammy no heed.

"We must find shelter or _we_'ll drown!"

"You stinky, brain-splitting thunderbolts, singe my grey head!"

"Please! No more!"

"All germens spill at once- Hey, Kammy, what does Shakeguy have against Germans?"

"Not 'Germans', '_germens_' – now please stop mutilating that passage from Shakespeareguy and let us find shelter," Kammy pulled at Bowser's hand, frantic to get through to him before he stopped paying attention to her.

"I like that passage – every other line could be taken for a sexual double-entendre, that's the only reason I bothered learning it!"

"What? No it couldn't – and if you think you learned it, I have news for you. You want a Shakespeareguy quote? I'll give you a quote:

"_The codpiece that will house  
Before the head has any,  
The head and he shall louse:  
So beggars marry many.  
The man that makes his toe  
What he his heart should make  
Shall of corn cry woe,  
And turn his sleep to wake._"

"Gwa ha ha! That's all about sex too!"

"Only the first half!"

"Then why'd you keep going? Shakeguy quotes that aren't sexual aren't fun," smirked Bowser.

Kammy's mouth dropped open, and it was a moment before she managed to eke out a strangled "_What_?"

"There you are!" Kamek appeared, out of breath from all the magic he had been employing to navigate through the storm. "We need to get out of the storm! I found an abandoned cottage not far from here, we can be there in less than five minutes-"

"Good, but first, do you have your guitar?" asked Kammy.

Now Kamek was the one who was rendered speechless. "What could you possibly-"

"I need to show His Unculturedness that Shakespeareguy's quotations _do not_ need to be sexual in order to be entertaining."

"Can't this wait until we're inside?"

"No!" this time it was Bowser who spoke up. "I wanna hear a poem NOW!"

"Oh Koopa, the storm's already messing with your minds," moaned Kamek.

"Just play!" ordered Bowser. "The sooner Haggy's proved wrong, the sooner I can be proved right! Gwa ha ha ha ha!"

"I think you meant 'proven'," said Kammy.

"I think _you_ meant, 'blah blah I'm saying a boring Shakeguy quote that's not about sex right now and not bothering my super cool and never wrong King about his grammar blah blah blah'," said Bowser, his nose in the air.

"Fine fine! Kam- er, whatever your name is, get your damn guitar out!"

"It _is_ out, _Blindey_," said Kamek, rolling his eyes.

"Hah, that's a good one! Gwa ha ha!"

"Do you wanna hear another quotation or not?" growled Kammy.

"Ugh, just say it!" barked Kamek, starting to play his guitar.

"Fine…

"_He that has and a little tiny wit,  
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,  
Must make content with his fourtunes fit,  
Though the rain it raineth every day._"

"All I heard was 'rain, rain, rain'," complained Bowser, as Kamek sucked his guitar back into thin air and pulled out his wand again.

"Well, _sorry_, I sang as loud as I could, Your Deafness."

"No, no, I mean the only words I heard were 'rain, rain, rain', not the actual rain."

"Then you should've listened harder, Your Hard-Of-Hearingness,"

"And why would you sing about rain in the rain anyway? That's silly."

"That's on-topic."

"Will you two stop bickering and _come on_!" urged Kamek. "You can fight on the way, but we have to get inside."

"Oh, what's the point?" growled Bowser stomping after Kamek.

"Of finding shelter or of fighting?" grinned Kammy, shuffling along at his elbow, her wand once again raised to help Kamek shield them from the worst of the storm

"Both!" said Bowser sadly. "My kids all hate me – they stole my kingdom, what's the point?"

"They don't _all_ hate you-"

"Yeah, well the ones that don't are sure doing me a fat lotta good!" growled Bowser. "If they loved me, the wouldn't let me wander around the storm with a pair of idiots like you for company… no offense, Guitar-Man."

"None taken," said Kamek with an airy wave of his free hand.

"The only reason I'm coming with you two is because I know you wouldn't go find shelter without me – a big strong Dragon-Koopa can handle a little rain, but look at you, Batty, you're a mess. You're all cold and wrinkly like you've been in the bath too long… Or re your scales naturally this pruned?" asked Bowser, peering intently at his ancient advisor.

"Aww… Your Considerateness… I _knew_ you cared about me!" smiled Kammy.

"Don't push it," growled Bowser, recoiling from her attempt at hugging him. "I just don't want my two last minions to get double-pneumonia."

"Amen to that," muttered Kamek as he led the obnoxious little group through the storm.

Act III. Scene iii.

Daisy sat and watched the storm through the picture window that overlooked the garden. She always loved the Chai thunderstorms; she identified with them – with their violent and unpredictable winds, the unfathomable deepness of the black clouds above, the blinding coldness of the rain…

"I hope zey've found shelter," said Ludwig, walking up behind Daisy.

"Huh? Oh, yeah… me too…" she said distractedly, not taking her eyes off of the torrent beyond the glass.

Ludwig rubbed a fatigued hand over his eyes. "And Fazzer's not our only problem – before he left, Morton told me zat he had heard zat Peach and some Mushroomian expatriates have landed in Rogueport."

"How reliable is Morton's information?" asked Daisy, finally turning around, her curiosity piqued by the new development.

Ludwig thought back to the scene at the garden; it had occurred less than an hour ago, but it felt like ages had passed. "He heard it over zee radio – he decoded some transmissions originating from Big Ape City," explained Ludwig. "I guess Peach and Mario don't know enough to realize zat zee airvays are not a secure means of communication."

"What are they doing in Rogueport? Are they both there?"

"Peach is for sure, but I sink Mario's back in Brooklyn – Morton vas in a hurry ven he told me zis, and I still have trouble following him ven he speaks at maximum velocity."

"What about Luigi?"

"He didn't say."

"You couldn't've asked?" moaned Daisy.

Ludwig raised an eyebrow at her outburst. "It started raining as vee vere speaking. I figured zee company in Rogueport could vait, but Fazzer couldn't, so I sent Morton his vay to help him."

"Oh, I see… I'm sorry for speaking out of turn," said Daisy, bowing her head.

"It's okay. Vit everysing zat's been going on, I vanted zee whole story too… And you and Luigi used to have a relationship, so _of course_ you vant to know-"

"That was a long time ago," interrupted Daisy, averting her eyes as if she was sad about losing Luigi. In reality, she had another easy target in her sights – maybe even two – but she figured Ludwig would be more forthcoming with any more of his information if he was feeling bad for the ex-princess.

"I'm sorry," said Ludwig, right on cue. "I shouldn't've brought it up."

"It's okay," said Daisy, making sure the smile she flashed the Koopaling looked weaker than she was actually feeling. She then changed the subject. "So, have you told the others about Peach?"

Ludwig shook his head. "No, I'm hoping vee can use Peach to our advantage – I am hoping she can help to protect Fazzer if he manages to get avay from here under cover of zee storm. And if not, vee might be able to use the sreat of an invasion to force my siblings to put zeir quarrels vit Fazzer aside for zee time being. Zere's dissent amongst zee uzzer Koopalings too – it's not just Lemmy who's acting up now. By zee sounds of it, Roy and Larry are having a falling out, and I have absolutely no clue whose side Iggy and Vendy are choosing…"

"So helping Bowser's our number one priority?"

"Exactly. I'm going out to find zem – I have a few shielding potions zat should help fight zee storm, and I hope I can get to zem before zey run out. Or before zee uzzers get to Fazzer first." Ludwig started towards the stairs, but turned back before he had gone too far. "And please remember – _don't tell anyvone_. It could get bosz of us in serious trouble if the uzzers found out vat I've been doing."

_Oh, I'm counting on it_, thought Daisy with a sneer, once Ludwig had disappeared down the stairs. She then turned and set out to locate Iggy, Wendy or Larry – any one would do for what she had in mind.


	9. Act III Scene iv

**A/N****: In **_**King Lear**_**, they didn't get inside the hovel until Scene 6, but I thought it'd be too hard to stage all the interchanges of this scene in the howling winds. It makes things a bit more convoluted when I have to change it from them merely going inside to going somewhere else, but hopefully the trade-off's worth it.**

Act III. Scene iv.

"Finally! Your Ravingnness – er, Bowser! We're here!" Kamek turned around and beamed at the delirious King of the Koopas and Kammy, waving his hand towards a dilapidated old shack. "Hurry, go inside!"

"Hmmph, some vacation! You call that a cottage! Pah!" growled Bowser.

"Semantics," said Kamek. "Please, Bowser, we must go inside."

"You go! My ungrateful children decided that I should whether this weather and by Koopa I will! They're hoping it'll kill me, but I'll survive this storm! I'll emerge stronger than before! They shall not find my body, fresh for the picking, but a King mightier than they could ever be put together! Gwa ha ha!"

"Your Stubbornness, please! Listen to him – he's right, we have to get out of the storm!"

"Fine then, you go Whiney!" said Bowser, bending down and shoving Kammy towards the hovel. "Both of you can go inside and get warm, I'll stay outside. You should thank me Kammy, you always say you'd love to spend the night alone with a hunky rockstar!"

"I do not!" sputtered Kammy. "And even if I did – it wouldn't be with _him_."

"I shudder at the mere thought of it," said Kamek.

"Or right, it's Wendy who's into rockstars. Damn her – I remember her fantasy love life but she can't even bother to consider _my_ feelings about _anything_! She and Iggy and Larry and Roy and Ludwig and Lemmy and Junior and Morton!"

"Now now, Morton and Ludwig are on our side," said Kammy.

"And we haven't even heard from Lemmy or Junior," added Kamek.

"That's because they've abandoned me! They've left me at the mercy of their cutthroat and selfish siblings! 'Mercy'? Hah! There's no mercy in their black hearts! GO INSIDE NOW!"

"You go and start a fire," muttered Kamek to Kammy. "I'll figure out a way to bring him inside."

"You better," hissed Kammy.

The other Magikoopa smirked at her order, _like master, like minion_.

"I'm such a horrible, horrible King!" said Bowser suddenly. "I order my minions around like they're pawns in a game of checkers-"

"Pawns are used in _chess_," corrected Kamek.

"SHUT UP!" Bellowed Bowser, before suddenly turning remorseful again. "You see? All I ever do is shout and flame people, and now that I can't even flame people I still shout at them and it's just as bad! Did I shout at my children? I shouted at Peach… I shouted at the kids, but that's no reason for them to **turn on me like this! I HATE THEM!!!**"

"Fathom and half, fathom and half! POOR TOM!"

Kamek and Bowser whirled around at the exclamation, which came echoing from inside the cottage. Immediately Kammy appears, racing towards them on her broom, twisting and turning in the wind. "There's something in there!" she cried as she skidded to a halt.

"We heard," said Kamek.

"He calls… himself… Poor Tom!" she said, panting from the ordeal.

"We heard that too," said Kamek.

"Oh, shut up!" snapped Kammy.

"I wanna see!" said Bowser, rushing off towards the shack.

"Wow, nice going, Kam – you got him inside after-all," said Kamek, condescendingly patting his coworker on her back as he followed the King.

The threesome stopped in the doorway and peered at Lemmy as he crouched in the dirt. He had gotten turned around in the storm and only found the shack himself a few minutes before the others came. He knew the only way he could dupe Kammy and Kamek was if he gave the greatest performance of his life. "Away! The foul fiend follows me!"

"'Fowl fiend'?" repeated Bowser. "Are you being terrorized by chickens? They're common in these parts!"

"Pillicock sat on Pillicock Hill. Alow, alow, loo, loo!"

"_He_'s loo loo," said Kamek under his breath to Kammy.

"Did your kids do this to you?" asked Bowser, walking towards Lemmy, who hunched over for fear of being identified. "Did they take everything from you and left you to rave in the storm? That's what happened to me!"

"Who gives anything to Poor Tom? Whom the foul fiend hath led through fire and through flames."

"Oh, that's a great idea!" Bowser turned and pointed to Kamek. "Play 'Through the Fire and the Flames'! We'll forget our sorrows in song! My kids turned on me, fellow, we're kindred spirits!"

"I doubt he has any kids," frowned Kamek.

"Why else would he be out here?" argued Bowser.

"Do Poor Tom some charity, whom the foul fiend vexes. There could I have him now, and there, and there again, and there!" Having realized Bowser was too far-gone to recognize his son, Lemmy sprung up and started grabbing at the air.

"Maybe he's here because he's _crazy_," said Kammy, a little miffed that Bowser would try to comfort a crazed hobo more than he would his loyal advisor. "Anyone who wanders in this kind of weather is crazy."

"You see? We're all kindred spirits! We're all crazy! Bwa ha ha!"

"That's not a good thing, Your Daffyness," frowned Kammy.

"Take heed o' the foul fiend; obey thy parents-"

"See I told you he was double-crossed by his kids!" said Bowser, pointing at Lemmy, who kept ranting.

"-Keep thy word's justice; swear not-"

"I think he's just rattling off advice," said Kammy.

"-Commit not with man's sworn spouse-"

"You never agree with me!" whined Bowser.

"-set not thy sweet heart on proud array," finished Lemmy, before shivering through his Pionpi cloak. "Poor Tom's acold."

"Say," said Bowser, peering at Lemmy, "he sounds like he's quoting Shakeguy-"

"For Koopa's sake it's '_Shakespeareguy_'!" cried Kammy.

"Hey, no, nonny," chirped Lemmy. He was worried any original ramblings he came up with would be too recognizable, so he decided to quote little snippets of Shakespeareguy instead – if that wasn't crazy, what was? With a grin, he then started to sing:

"_Swithold footed thrice the 'old;  
He met the nightmare, and her nine fold;  
Bit her alight  
And her troth plight,  
And aroint thee, witch, arount thee!_"

"That's totally Shakeguy! Hey, Wrinkles, you and this guy should get together! You have so much in common!"

"Your Matchmakingness, you're embarrassing yourself," moaned Kammy.

"More like embarrassing _you_," smirked Kamek.

"You both sound like choking Spinies when you sing! Heh heh, thrown in Rock-Man's awesome guitar and my witty commentary and we could be the next Spinal Rap!" continued Bowser.

Kamek opened his mouth to correct the King, when Ludwig appeared in the doorway, a bottle of glowing shielding potion in his hand. "Fazzer!" he cried.

"This is the foul Flibbertigbbet," said Lemmy, cowering from Ludwig's sharp eyes.

"Ha ha! You're a Flibberti-what's-is," chuckled Bowser, pointing at Ludwig.

The Koopaling paid the comment no mind, and only spared Lemmy a passing glance as he strode into the cottage and addressed his father. "I've been looking everyvere for you, I've been vorried."

"Peace, Smulkin! Peace, thou fiend!" said Lemmy, scurrying away from the group so that Ludwig's potion didn't shine too much light on his less-than-perfect disguise.

"Who _is_ zat?" said Ludwig, finally turning his full attention to Lemmy, who inwardly cursed himself for speaking up.

"Oh, that's Poor Tom, Kammy's new boyfriend!" grinned Bowser.

"He is not!" said Kammy.

"Modo he's called, and Mahu," growled Lemmy from the shadows. "…Poor Tom's acold…"

The eldest Koopaling merely shrugged and turned back to Bowser. "Zis shack von't last long in zee storm. It vas only abandoned a few days ago and zee Pionpis have been cannibalizing zee material to build a new storage hut closer to zee town. You can see zee holes in zee roof and zee valls – like over by your friend."

Ludwig nodded his head in Lemmy's direction, and the younger Koopaling's sing-song voice floated back:

"_Mousers and ratooies, and such small deer,  
Have been Poor Tom's food for many a year_."

"Then we'll stay here in the middle where it's dry," said Bowser.

Ludwig shook his head. "You don't understand – zee hut's liable to cave-in at any moment. Can't you hear it creaking?"

"I can," said Kammy.

"You sure that's not the creaking of your own bones, Old-Face?"

"I can hear it too," said Kamek, and Bowser's cruel smile faded.

"Oh… I see… Or should I say, I _hear_, Gwa ha ha!"

"Zere's a guard station just outside zee castle's outer vall," said Ludwig. "I have enough shielding potion to get us zere. It's much varmer and much safer zan zis place, and zere's food too."

"Great!" said Bowser, who hadn't eaten in a while. "Let's go – but we're taking him too."

"Poor Tom's acold," whimpered Lemmy in response.

"Fine, but vee have to go _now_," insisted Ludwig, waiting impatiently as Lemmy crawled forwards to Bowser, who crouched down to talk to him.

"Oh great philosopher, what makes thunder?"

"The fiend," said Lemmy, keeping his face turned partially away from his companions.

"What's your field of study?"

"The fiend," repeated Lemmy.

"Really? And what-"

"_Fazzer!_ Vee have to go!"

"All right! All right! We'll talk more later," he said to Lemmy as he stood up straight and followed Ludwig to the door. "Come on!" he called to his three followers.

Kammy and Kamek went without a word, but Lemmy made one more (misquoted) rhyme as he went:

"_Fee, fie, foh, fum!  
I smell the vim of a Mushroomian!_"


	10. Act III Scenes v and vi

**A/N****: Despite doubling-up these two scenes, this chapter's quite short.**

**In **_**King Lear**_**, Edmund (Daisy) had all of Gloucester (Ludwig)'s land to himself by the end of the first scene, though my story has Bowser Jr. to complicate things… for now.**

**The second scene is one of the last "fun" scenes in **_**King Lear**_**, and I couldn't even preserve all the quotes I wanted to.**

Act III. Scene v.

"Ludwig will pay for this," spat Wendy as she stormed through the castle, with Daisy at her heels.

"I wish it wasn't true, but I could tell that he meant what he said," said Daisy, pretending to be sorry for ratting her benefactor out to his unforgiving sister.

"Maybe Lemmy had the right idea about getting rid of him," mused Wendy. "Before he could sell us all out to Peach!"

"Lemmy's long gone by now," sighed Daisy.

"Making you and Junior the rulers of Sarasaland," said Wendy, smiling at her new friend. "I mean, you still have to answer to Iggy and I-"

"Of course," smiled Daisy. _But not for long_…

Unaware of the human's murderous thoughts, Wendy continued on. "We'll go tell Iggy and Larry what's up. The storm will be letting up soon, and then we can go out and nab Daddy before he can run off to Rogueport."

"Peach won't be able to stop us," grinned Daisy evilly.

"You said it, sister!" smirked Wendy.

Act III. Scene vi.

They reached the guardhouse just as Ludwig's shielding potion ran out of power. Kamek lingered in the doorway as Bowser, Kammy and Lemmy hurried inside out of the rain. "Will you make it back inside all right?"

"Yes," nodded Ludwig, pulling out his wand. "I'm fairly good at making magic forcefields, and zere's a door not to far from here. I'll go inside and see if I can reason vit zee uzzers to see if zey'll let Fazzer back inside-"

"It's your castle, isn't it? It shouldn't be up to them," snarled Kamek.

"Zey outnumber me, I'm afraid. And if zey're still being unreasonable tovards Fazzer, valtzing in vit him in tow vould not be a smart move."

"Good point," said Kamek.

"Zeese storms don't last long," continued Ludwig, looking up at the swirling sky. "It's going to get much vorse in zee next few minutes, but after zat it vill clear up quite rapidly."

"Then what?"

"I'll tell you ven I get back," said Ludwig somberly, turning and diving back into the downpour. Kamek closed the door behind the Koopaling and turned inside. The guardhouse was very small; Bowser took up half the space. He and Kammy both had boxes of dried mix out and were munching it down whilst watching Lemmy prowl around the floor in front of them.

"Frateretto calls me, and tells me Nero is an anger in the lake of darkness…" He then covered his head with his arms and turned away from the group. "Beware the foul fiend!"

"You wanna hear a joke?" asked Kammy.

"No," said Bowser.

"The foul fiend bites by back!" yelped Lemmy.

"Yeah! And my kids bite my back! That's what I'll do, I'll hold a trial! I'll find them all guilty of treason – they're the foulest fiends of all!"

"Here we go again," sighed Kamek.

"You three, you'll be my jury – and I'll be the judge."

"Uh huh, and where are the defendants, Your Judicialness?" said Kammy.

"Right there!" said Bowser, pointing at a pair of stools next to Lemmy, who started to sing.

"_Come o'er the bourn, Bessy, to me._"

"Oh! I know that song!" said Kammy, clapping her hands and piping up herself.

"_Her boat hath a leak,  
And she must not speak  
Why she dares not come over to thee._"

"That's not how it goes," said Kamek.

"The foul fiend haunts Poor Tom in the voice of a Blue Bird," said Lemmy.

"Ya hear that, Smelly, your voice haunts him!" cackled Bowser.

"Blue Birds have lovely songs – if anything, that's a compliment," said Kammy.

"Awww, such a nice boyfriend you have there," said Bowser. "But we're getting distracted from our task at hand – we must find my treacherous children guilty!"

"What's the point of a trial if you already know the verdict?" growled Kammy.

"What's the point of asking stupid questions if you know I'm not gonna answer them?" responded Bowser.

"_Sleepest or wakest thou, jolly shepherd?  
Thy Sleepy Sheep be in the corn;  
And for one blast of thy minikin mouth  
The Sleepy Sheep shall take no harm_."

Lemmy finished his latest song, but then recoiled from Kamek, who he had wandered too close to. "Purr! The cat is **grey**!"

"He must be colour-blind – your hair's purple!" said Bowser.

"He must be blind _period_ – I'm not a cat," countered Kamek.

"You're a cool cat," winked Bowser, before turning back to the stools. "Let's question him first – it's Larry!"

"Is it now?" said Kammy.

"He can't deny it."

"Well then, I must also be blind because I took him for a foot-stool. Mweh heh heh!" Kammy chuckled at her own joke as Bowser turned to the other stool.

"And you – you're Iggy, you're even worse than Larry, I- No! He's escaping GET HIM!" Bowser sprang to his feet, throwing his snack box into the air and raining trailmix down on Kammy, Kamek and Lemmy.

"Hoppendance cries in Poor Tom's belly for two Cheep-Cheep," said Lemmy, munching on the mess as Bowser tackled the stools.

"What are you doing, Your Insaneness!?" cried Kammy.

"He was getting away," said Bowser. "But I stopped him – see?"

Kammy and Kamek looked at the ruined stool, hanging in splintered pieces from Bowser's claws.

"Oh yes, he'll never run away again," said Kamek dryly.

"Not on those broken legs," joked Kammy.

"They're all turning on me – I bet even my Chain-Chomps would bark at me if we returned to Dark Land," Bowser dropped the stool and sat back down on the floor, looking quite dejected.

"Poor Tom, thy horn is dry." Said Lemmy, who was having a difficult time not rushing to his poor father's side and comforting him. He wished he could tell him that he still had one loyal son left.

"Bowser, maybe you should lie down and rest for a while," said Kamek, doing what Lemmy couldn't. "The storm's easing up, and soon we'll be on the move again, so we should rest while we still can – no more of this court nonsense. Your treacherous kids will get what they deserve sooner or later."

"And besides, they're not _all_ out to get you, Your **Not-**Forsakenness," added Kammy. "Things will look better soon – you'll see."

Bowser growled and grumbled, but soon he had dozed off. Lemmy continued munching on the spilt mix, and Kammy and Kamek talked quietly amongst themselves for the next few minutes as the storm outside dissipated. Barely a half-hour had passed before the sun came out again, and with the sun came Ludwig.

"Fazzer!"

"He's asleep, what's wrong?" said Kamek, springing to his feet.

"Vake him up! He's in serious danger – vee're _all_ in serious danger!"

"What! Why?" gasped Kammy as she and Kamek rushed to rouse Bowser.

"Junior told me Iggy and Vendy are up to somesing, and some of my loyal guards have overheard a plot against Fazzer's life."

"Against his _life_? Isn't that a bit extreme?" said Kammy.

"Lemmy vas out to kill me, and it looks like zee uzzers are no better," said Ludwig, helping pull Bowser to his feet. In the corner, Lemmy winced at the false accusation, and wished he had the courage to step out and tell Ludwig that he was framed. Part of him hoped that his brother would see that he was telling the truth and forget what he had been told, but the rest of him was too scared to take any chances. And as they lugged away Bowser – who was still too groggy to form complete sentences or understand what was going on – Lemmy knew there was no time to set aside for his needs. Once Bowser was safe, he could worry about himself again, but for now, he crouched, forgotten in the corner, as the group left him behind.


	11. Act III Scene vii

**A/N****: In **_**King Lear**_**, Junior's character is present the entire time during Ludwig's punishment, but I made him come in later for dramatic effect. I also added some more things about Bowser and co.'s flight, and left Ludwig's revelation until after Iggy and Wendy left.**

Act III. Scene vii.

Wendy, Iggy, Larry, Junior and Daisy had finished discussing their plans shortly after the rain had stopped. "Okay, you two, go get Ludwig!" she commanded to the two Hammer Bro. guards she and Iggy had brought with them from Mushroom Castle (and who were originally from Dark Land). "I hope you won't mind going back home without them," she added to Larry.

"No problem… Daisy's all the company I need," he grinned. On Daisy's other side, Iggy's face was murderous.

"Well in that case, get going. Roy needs to know about Peach's forces. The puny invaders don't stand a chance, but I'd rather not take any chances by leaving the Koopas out of the battle."

"I think we all feel that way," said Larry, as he and Daisy stood up to leave.

Just then, Toadsworth appeared in the door.

"Ah, you're just in time, Toadsworth," began Wendy. "Larry and Daisy were-"

"Bowser has escaped!" exclaimed the old Toad.

"**What!?!**" chorused the Koopalings.

"Ludwig must've gotten wind of your plan, m'lords, because he let Bowser and all his scalawags into the hangar and they've made off with the Koopa Cruiser – bound for Rogueport!"

"Yeah, well they won't make it!" Wendy turned to Junior. "You go with them to the hangar and alert the squadron. Tell them to shoot the Cruiser down! If you're not back in five minutes, we'll send someone else, so don't dawdle!"

"Chai Rocketons are faster than the Cruiser," said Iggy, looking calmly over as Junior clambered to his feet. "We've got plenty of time."

"They have a head-start," warned Toadsworth.

"Not good enough," shrugged Iggy.

"I say, maybe that's why he didn't go too," remarked the ancient Toad.

"Wait, Ludwig's still here?" gasped Wendy.

"Oh, yes indeed, madam!"

"He probably stayed behind to argue on behalf of King Dad," said Larry.

"Let us deal with him, you guys get outta here!" said Wendy, pointing emphatically to the door. She and Iggy were alone for barely a minute before the Hammer Bros. returned with Ludwig, who was angry and unrestrained.

"I'm here to-"

Ludwig was cut-off with a blast from Wendy's wand. He was taken off-guard, and by the time he drew his own wand, Iggy was ready to knock it from his hand with a barrage of lightning. Wendy then flung out some more of her candy rings to bind Ludwig's arms and legs. Another wave of her wand sent Ludwig flying through the air. He landed in the throne and Wendy glued the rings wrapped around his ankles, upper arms and wrists to the chair.

"_Vat are you doing!?_"

"Securing you," said Wendy, as she advanced on her brother with a mad gleam in her eye.

"You betrayed us," continued Iggy, as he and his sister stood menacingly above Ludwig.

"You're zee traitors! After all you've done to Fazzer!" spat Ludwig.

"We know what you've done," said Wendy. "But it won't work – the Koopa Cruiser will be shot down before it reaches the Mushroomian border."

"Zat's vere you're wrong!"

"Oh no, dear brother," said Wendy, reaching out and seizing a handful of Ludwig's wild blue hair, forcing his head backwards. "That's where _you_'re wrong."

"Release me," said Ludwig, staring unwavering into Wendy's icy blue eyes. "Release me now and I won't arrest you for treason."

"Arrest _us_!" laughed Iggy. "_You_'re the one plotting with Peach."

"I haven't been in contact vit Peach since zee Divison of zee Kingdom."

"Maybe so, but you sent Daddy to her, and you planned to use her invasion as leverage to force us to cow down to Daddy's _ridiculous_ demands and his _outrageous_ behavior!"

Ludwig had no idea how Wendy learned of his plans – perhaps he and Daisy were overheard. Nevertheless, he would not back down. "All I vant is for you to treat Fazzer vit zee respect he deserves. He vas a great King and now he is next to nossing – because he gave it all to us! And how do you repay him? By forcing him out into a hurricane!"

"He went out there on his own accord," argued Iggy. "He's crazy!"

"Because of vat you did to him!"

"You had a part in this too," reminded Wendy.

"I let you go too far – I should have put my foot down sooner," agreed Ludwig.

"Now's your chance to help King Dad," said Iggy, leaning forward. "He trusts you – call him on the radio and tell him to land."

"So you can strip avay vat little dignity he has left? Never!"

"He can die in peace or he can die in pieces – it's up to you," said Wendy.

"Zere is no 'peace' ven you're concerned," sneered Ludwig, shaking his head. "I vill not sit by and vatch you destroy our fazzer!"

Wendy frowned, and tightened her hold on Ludwig's scalp, ramming his head back into the throne and holding it immobile. "You'll sit alright – but as for the watching, I think something can be arranged."

Ludwig's eyes widened as Wendy whirled her wand around in her hand and brought the pointed end up to Ludwig's face.

"Vait!" gasped Ludwig, as Iggy reached forward and helped Wendy hold his head steady. "You're not gonna- You vouldn't!"

"Oh, I would," said Wendy, and as Junior skidded back into the room behind her, she drove the end of her wand straight into Ludwig's left eye.

"No!" roared Junior as Ludwig screamed in pain. The youngest Koopaling pulled out his sword and lunged towards Wendy. She wrenched her wand from Ludwig's bleeding face to try and defend herself, but not before Junior's sword hit home.

"Ahhh!" she screamed as the blade sliced through her side.

"Wendy!" Iggy released Ludwig and sent lightning blasts in Junior's direction, stunning the Koopaling. He then sprang forward, and before he knew what he was doing, he had seized Junior's sword and in one fluid motion, sliced clean though his brother's neck. Bowser Jr.'s body hit the ground with a thud, his coppery blood pouring out onto the floor.

"Vat did you do?" wailed Ludwig, staring at the scene in horror with his one remaining eye. "You monsters! You killed him!"

"Shut up!" screamed Iggy, dropping the sword and lunging at Ludwig.

"Vait! No! Don't I- _aaaahhhhh!!!!_"

"Out, vile jelly!" sneered Iggy sadistically, pulling his bloody thumb out of Ludwig's other eye socket, the claws of his other arm still digging into his brother's face to hold it still. "Where's thy lustre now?"

"Ugh, Iggy – you're so lame," moaned Wendy, as she crumpled to her knees. Even as the blood cascaded out from between the fingers she had clamped over her wound, she couldn't help but chide her geeky brother about quoting Shakespeareguy.

"Are you okay?" gasped Iggy, rushing to Wendy's side.

"I… no... I feel… I…" Wendy's eyes were sliding out of focus as she attempted to speak.

"I'll get you to the infirmary," whispered Iggy, scooping his ailing sister into his hands. As he rushed out of the room he called back to the guards. "Kick him out of the castle! Let him smell his way to Rogueport!"

The Hammer Bros.' eyes slid from Iggy's retreating form, to each other, to Junior's corpse, to Ludwig. "Whoa," they said in unison.

"What just happened, yo?"

"I dunno, yo…"

"Hey," called Ludwig between ragged breaths, his bleeding face turned blindly towards the Hammer Bros. "Don't listen to him! …I'm still zee head of zis… zis castle. You can't… srow me out."

"Hey, we feel you pain, yo, but orders are orders."

"Yeah, you're a traitor, yo, you have no authority."

"If I'm blacklisted… And if Junior's d- dead… Zen zat means… Daisy's in-charge! …Bring her here… She von't… she von't kick me out."

The Hammer Bro.s exchanged another uneasy look. The first one spoke up, taking a step towards Ludwig. "Uh, we hate to break it to you, yo-"

"-But she's the one who sold you out, yo."

"She told 'em you're a traitor, yo."

"She said you deserved this, yo."

"I mean, ya, she didn't say _specifically_-"

"-'Poke out his eyes, yo!'"

"But there were some bad vibes, yo."

"I can't believe this," said Ludwig, hanging his head. "She vas out to get me all along."

"Pretty much, yo," nodded the first Hammer Bro.

"She's a witch, yo," sympathized the second.

"Zen zee stuff about Lemmy… She must've made it all up to get rid of him! Oh, how could I have believed her! I _knew_ Lemmy vasn't like zat, oh _vy_ did I let her do zis to me – to him!"

As Ludwig spoke, the Hammer Bros. walked around the growing pool of Junior's blood. The first one bent down and picked up Wendy's wand, which she had dropped when she succumbed to her wound. He waved it over the candy rings and they turned to dust. Ludwig slumped forward a bit, and then gingerly brought his hands up to his ruined face.

"Don't worry, yo-"

"Yeah, we'll help you, yo!"

"We'll take you to Rogueport ourselves-"

"-We know _all_ the fastest Warp Pipe connections."

The Hammer Bros. took Ludwig's arms and pulled him out of the throne. He wavered around on his feet, weak from pain and shock.

"Lean on us, yo," said the first Hammer Bro., kindly.

"We'll get you to safety, yo," nodded the second Hammer Bro. as they set off towards the door.


	12. Act IV Scene i

**A/N****: I included the last little bit of explanation over Ludwig's transferring of Bowser etc. to the guardhouse (I like over-justifying my actions) in the beginning, in lieu of more pity-party soliloquizing. In **_**Lear**_**, Gloucester (Ludwig) is being lead by an Old Man in this scene, but I changed it to the Hammer Bros. to make it more straightforward and inter-connected. I also made this scene much more comical, and I removed Gloucester's suicidal intent – it just doesn't fit Ludwig's style.**

Act IV. Scene i.

With all his siblings gone, Lemmy had no pressing need to flee Chai, and so he puttered around the countryside, waiting for the traffic around the east-bound Warp Pipes to cool down enough for him to slip through undetected. He had waited in the guardhouse after Bowser, Kammy and Kamek were led away, and soon he heard the Koopa Cruiser roar overhead. Lemmy figured Ludwig had moved them to the guardhouse to put then in close proximity to the hangers – allowing for a quick getaway the moment the weather cleared up. He thought it was a good idea that Ludwig had stuck to his "crumbling shack" cover story to keep Bowser quiet, seeing as the Koopa King wasn't one for running away. Although, when Lemmy came across the shack during his wanderings, he did find it rather damp inside, with a number of new holes in the roof and walls; it wasn't dangerous, but Ludwig had been right that it wouldn't be a very fun place to wait out the storm.

Lemmy wondered what had happened to Ludwig. He knew Larry and Daisy had left a while ago, as did a fleet of Rocketons and Chickens, though he mistakenly believed they were all going to Rogueport to meet Peach's "invasion". He only half-believed the invasion rumour until he saw the squadron fly from the castle at top speeds. At first he head Iggy and Wendy were gearing up to go too, but there had been confusing whispers abounding, and Lemmy didn't want to get to close to any of the conversations he had eves-dropped to try and get a clear idea. He figured Ludwig had left too, but he soon discovered he was wrong.

"Hey, yo, I thought you said you knew where Warp Pipe was!" growled the first Hammer Bro.

"I do, yo!" grumbled the second Hammer Bro.

"But we've been wandering around for hours, yo!"

"Nah, it's more like fifteen minutes _tops_, yo."

Lemmy hopped into some nearby bushes when he heard the Hammer Bros. approaching, but when he caught sight of their charge, he had to stifle his gasp. "_Ludwig?_"

"Who's zat?" barked Ludwig. His hearing had always been good, but now that his sight was gone, it was all he had; he wasn't taking a single sound for granted, much less his own whispered name.

"Show yourself, yo!" barked the fist Hammer Bro.

"Yeah, yo, get outta the bush!"

Lemmy did as he was told, hoping the Hammer Bros. weren't sharp enough to see through his disguise.

"Hey, I know this guy, yo!" At the Hammer Bros.'s words, Lemmy tensed up, ready to flee for his life. He cast a nervous glance at Ludwig, and only then did he notice that he was wearing a blindfold. He wondered for a split second if Ludwig was a prisoner, but the drying blood sticking to his cheeks and staining the rag wrapped around his head told Lemmy there was more going on.

"Oh, yeah!" said the second Hammer Bro. after a moment of contemplation. "It's the crazy guy that's been running around, yo."

"Yeah, yo - the one that goes on forever about fiends."

"And hides out in old sheds, yo."

"Or at least that one shed, yo."

"I guess he hasn't been around long enough to inhabit multiple sheds, yo."

"Yeah, he's a relatively new vagrant, yo."

"I only heard about him today, yo."

"We were together when Fred told us, remember, yo?"

"I remember, yo." As the Hammer Bros. forgot they weren't alone and started talking about Lemmy as if he wasn't there, the Koopaling took the time to scrutinize Ludwig some more. He was slouched over, and clung to a walking stick – he looked defeated, and is slowly dawned on Lemmy (who wasn't the brightest apple in the bunch), that his brother had been blinded. Something in his gut told him Iggy, Larry, Daisy and Wendy were the ones responsible, since Ludwig helping Bowser escape right under their noses probably didn't go over very well.

"I heard he's from Bedlam's hospital, yo." Said the second Hammer Bro.

"That's too far away, and besides, the Shadow Sirens only treat spectral beings, not corporeal dudes, yo," said the first Hammer Bor., shaking his head.

"But I heard it from Agnes, yo – she's a reliable source."

"_We_ heard it from Agnes," corrected the first Hammer Bro. "And she said she heard it from Phil, who lies through his teeth, yo."

"Do Pionpi's even have teeth, yo?"

"I dunno, yo."

"They don't smile much, do they, yo?"

"No, yo."

"And what's his name again?"

"Uhhh… Poor Joe? Or something like that," the first Hammer Bro. turned to Lemmy for verification, but it was Ludwig who answered.

"Poor Tom? Is zat who spoke?"

"Poor Tom's acold," said Lemmy.

"I sought zat voice sounded familiar," smiled Ludwig weakly. "…Very familiar."

"Hey, do you know where the Warp Pipe is, yo?"

"Don't ask him, yo, he's crazy," admonished the second Hammer Bro.

"Hey, _you're_ the one who got us lost, yo, so _you_ can't say nothing!"

"I know where it is," said Lemmy. "I use Pipes to escape the foul fiend!"

"Ya see," smirked the first Hammer Bro.

"I'll believe it when I see it," said the second one, sticking his tongue out like an indignant child.

"Can you take me to zee Varp Pipe?" asked Ludwig, turning his face to the source of Lemmy's voice.

"Take _us_, yo," corrected the first Hammer Bro.

"No, you should not stay vit me – it's too dangerous. My bruzzers and sister and Daisy might decide blinding me's not a steep enough punishment and come looking for me to finish zee job. I do not vant to be responsible for anyvone else's misfortunes."

"Not but the fiend frightens me!" said Lemmy, stepping towards Ludwig. Now that his suspicions were confirmed, the only thing he could think to do was to help his big brother.

"Hey, yo, we're just as brave as this crack-pot!" argued the first Hammer Bro.

"Yeah yo, we'll get you to _and through_ the Warp Pipe – you'll see."

"Bad choice of words, yo," muttered the first Hammer Bro. as Ludwig made a face at the second Hammer Bro.'s comment.

"Oops, sorry, yo."

"It's just a figure of speech," sighed Ludwig. "No harm done."

"So we can stay with you, yo?" said the first Hammer Bro. eagerly.

"No," said Ludwig.

"Why not?" whined the second one.

"I already told you – it's too dangerous. If someone sees you helping me escape srough zee Varp Pipe, you'll be in as much trouble as I vas for letting Fazzer escape.

"But Iggy said he doesn't care what you do as long as we tuned you out, yo!"

"Yeah, yo, he said you could smell your way to Rogueport for all he cared."

"I assure you, even if Iggy doesn't care if I do find my way to Rogueport, he vill be angry if I'm led zere by his own guards."

"We're not his guards anymore, yo!" insisted the first Hammer Bro.

"Yeah, yo, we quit!"

"We don't serve monsters, yo."

"We don't obey creeps who turn on their own brothers, yo." The Hammer Bros. put their arms around each other as they spoke, as if to prove how strong their own familial bond was. Of course, since he was blind, the gesture was lost on Ludwig.

Instead the Koopaling merely shook his head shamefully. "In zat case, you shouldn't vant to help me eizzer – I turned on Lemmy. I fell for Daisy's lie hook, line and sinker, like a common Cheep-Cheep. I accused my own bruzzer of somesing he vould never do. I vas blind even before my eyes were put out, I deserve zis punishment."

Lemmy's heart was breaking with every word Ludwig spoke. He wanted to fling himself forward and comfort his brother – he wished he could tell him who he was, that he forgave Ludwig and that he didn't deserve to be blind. The Hammer Bros. were surely on their side, but there were still enemies everywhere, and Lemmy knew that revealing himself now would be more dangerous than helpful.

Fortunately, the Hammer Bros. were quick to comfort Ludwig themselves. "Hey, yo, you were duped!"

"Yeah, it's not your fault, yo."

"Zee damage has still been done. I only hope Lemmy is safe – I vish I could see, er, _hear_ his voice again." Ludwig let out another sigh, and then turned his sightless face back to Lemmy. "So, can you lead me to Rogueport?"

"He's from Rogueport, yo, of course he can!" chirped the second Hammer Bro.

"Ugh, _dude_, that was a lie Phil cooked up to get Agnes to talk to him, yo!"

"Was not, yo!"

"Was so, yo!

"Was not, yo!"

"Was so, yo!"

"The foul fiend first found me in Rogueport," volunteered Lemmy. "I can get you there."

"Good," said Ludwig, nodding his approval.

"But what about us, yo?"

"We wanna go to Rogueport too, yo!" bleated the Hammer Bros.

"Vait for us to get a head start, and zen you came come on your own – but you can't travel vit us. A group of four is too conspicuous."

"Or you can go and clear all the people at the Warp Pipe away," said Lemmy. "So we can go through without being caught… except for the foul fiend! He can never been avoided, never fooled!

Ludwig cocked an eyebrow over the headband. For a minute there, "Poor Tom" sounded quite lucid.

"Hey, that's a good idea, yo!" said the second Hammer Bro.

"Yeah, and _you_ said we shouldn't listen to him, yo!" smirked the first Hammer Bro.

"Did not, yo!"

"Did so, yo!"

Meanwhile, Lemmy went on another rant. "Poor Tom hath been scared out of his good wits…"

"Did not, yo!"

"Did so, yo!"

"Five fiends have been in Poor Tom at once…"

"Did not, yo!"

"Did so, yo!"

"…Of lust, as Obidicut…"

"Did not, yo!"

"…Hobbididence, prince of dumbness…"

"Did so, yo!"

"…Mahu of stealing…"

"Did not, yo!"

"…Modo, of murder…"

"Did so, yo!"

"Flibbertigibbet, of mopping and mowing…"

"Did not, yo!"

"Did so, yo!"

"Poor Tom's acold."

"Did _not_, yo!"

"Did _so_, yo!"

"Just go!" sighed Ludwig exasperatedly.

"Right-o, yo!" chimed the Hammer Bros. in unison before scurrying off. A moment later, they reappeared around the corner.

"Uh, which way's the Warp Pipe, yo?" asked the first one sheepishly.

"South of the cottage where I dwelt with the foul fiends! Near the path leading east," said Lemmy, pointing in the appropriate direction.

"Ha! I _told_ you it was to the south-east of the castle, yo!" said the second Hammer Bro. as they turned away from the bemused Koopalings.

"No, yo, you said it was to the north-east."

"Did not, yo!"

"Oh yeah, yo? Then why are we up here, yo?"

"Because you wouldn't listen to me, yo. It was _you_ who insisted on turning right at that statue, yo!"

"The one of the ancient Pionpi Emperor, yo?"

"That's the one, yo."

"Yo! It was your idea to turn right at that statue, yo!"

"It was not, yo!

"Was so, yo!"

"Was not, yo!

"Was so, yo!"


	13. Act IV Scene ii

**A/N****: I made lots of little changes to this scene, but overall, it covers the same ground as Shakespeare's version, so I won't bother you with any specific, little details.**

Act IV. Scene ii.

"And here's the Throne Room… we also call it the Entrance Hallway…" Larry swept his arm across the hall as he and Daisy walked through the door. They had just arrived at Koopa Castle (having caught a lift with Wario, in a new private jet he had purchased with his latest treasure-money), and while Larry was itching to give her the grand tour, he decided he'd better seek out Roy first and deliver his news. However, the throne was empty, and the only one in the hall was Toadsworth.

"Where's Roy?" asked Larry. "I though he was gonna meet us here…"

"As did I, m'boy – that's why I ran right up here ahead of you – to announce your presence, but when I told him the news, he left!"

"Why'd _you_ tell him?" frowned Daisy. "That's our job."

"I just told him the basics so he'd have time to digest the situation for a moment, and then be more prepared to discuss it with you. But he acted most peculiarly!"

"I dunno…" said Larry. "Roy does get up and leave at random moments sometimes… Maybe he went to call out the cavalry… to help get Peach…"

"Oh no no no! He was _glad_ the princess had returned!" exclaimed Toadsworth.

"What?" gasped Daisy and Larry in unison.

"And that's not all – when I told him you were arrived he sighed, as if he did not want to see you!"

"See who? Me or Larry?" queried Daisy.

"I couldn't tell, m'lady."

"Could you tell why he left?" asked Larry.

"Well, when I told him about Ludwig's treachery, he riled himself up into a right state – it seems he sides with Bowser's lot of miscreants," finished Toadsworth darkly.

"Bring him back here… I need to know what's up with him." As Toadsworth scurried away, Larry turned to Daisy. "If Roy's against us too… it'd be best if you return to Iggy and Wendy…"

"To warn them about Roy?" asked Daisy.

"Yes, and…" Larry cast a worried look at the door across the hallway through which Toadsworth had disappeared.

"And…?" prompted Daisy, taking a half-step closer to the quailing Koopaling.

"And… I'm worried… for your safety…" admitted Larry, avoiding Daisy's piercing stare. "Roy's done horrible things to me – his own brother – and to our other siblings too… And that was just for his own… _sick_… entertainment, and I'm afraid… afraid of what he'll do to you… when he's _really_ mad."

Daisy put a reassuring hand on Larry's shoulder. The feel of her silken glove sent pins and needles coursing through his arm. "I'm a big girl, Larry – I can handle it."

"I know you can," he said, putting his own hand atop of hers and managing a little smile as their eyes met. "But… I'm still worried… I c- care about you…"

He looked away in embarrassment, but Daisy smiled. She had Larry right where she wanted, and before Roy could appear and ruin the moment, she closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around Larry and kissed him passionately. He froze in shock as her lips slid across his, the fingers of her left hand meshed into his hair as the other one snaked around his neck, just over the rim of his shell – where the skin was tender. But his paralysis did not last long and soon he was kissing her back, holding her body tightly against his as he desperately mirrored her mouth's movements with his own. Daisy kept her eyes glued to the far door the whole time, and before long, she twisted her lips away from Larry's, and whispered seductively over the area that she figured his internal ears were located. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll leave. We can pick up where we left off once it's safe."

She then slipped out of Larry's arms, pulled open the door just a crack, it seemed, and was gone. Larry stood in a daze, staring at the spot where she disappeared. He could still feel her spit on his lips, and as he replayed the moment over and over again, he couldn't help but feel grateful that the guards were stationed _outside_ the Throne Room. He had always dreamed of being alone with Daisy, but she had blown his wildest expectations out of the water.

"Hey! Turn around!"

Larry paled. _How long has he been standing there?_ He whirled around, liking his lips nervously. "How long have you been standing there?"

"A while," growled Roy. "What's so interestin' about dat door dat you'd not even notice me comin' in, 'specially after you sent Toad-breath to come get me for ya."

"I was thinking," said Larry, his guts unclenching in relief – the kiss was still a secret.

"Dat's a surprise," growled Roy.

Larry couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic, or just plain antagonistic. "What do you mean?"

"I mean – what were you tinkin' leaving Pa out in a freakin' hurricane!"

"Did you hear that on the radio? …The airwaves are deceiving in these troubled times… There are no hurricanes in Chai – it's too far inland."

"No, I heard it from Toad-warts. And it doesn't matta what kinda storm it was or wasn't – all dat _does_ matter is dat you locked Pa in some kinda freak-out weada."

"'Freak-out weather?" snorted Larry.

"Dat's what I said," snarled Roy, advancing on his brother. "And I suggest you stop bein' so lippy and start answerin' fer your disgusting actions."

In the past, Larry would have buckled by that point, but Daisy's image was still burning in his mind, and the testosterone was running thicker in his blood than it had ever done before in his life. He drew himself up to his full height (he was still about a foot shorter than Roy), and faced his brother like the man Daisy had made him. "Maybe _you_ should start answering to _your_ responsibilities – to the kingdom and to your family... King Dad's gone mental – he's dangerous and he must be stopped, and anyone who stands in the way is a traitor."

"Dat's a lie and you know it," sneered Roy, bringing his face snout-to-shout with Larry's.

"What's the matter? Too scared to stand up to King Dad?"

"Da only one who should be scared is _you_," said Roy murderously.

"Am I interrupting something?" drawled King Boo, appearing right beside the two Koopalings.

"Yeah. Go away" growled Roy.

"Fine, but just so you know, your sister's dead."

This got the Koopalings' attention. "_What?_" they gasped, turning to face to King Boo.

"News travels fast in the undead community," grinned King Boo sadistically. "I can assure you, my information is correct-"

"What happened?" demanded Roy.

"-I know how much you lot distrust the radio these days-" continued Boo.

"Enough of that – tell us what happened to Wendy," insisted Larry.

"Fine! Fine!" said King Boo, waving his stubby little arms in mock surrender. "Jeez, _mortals_ – **so** impatient…"

"You may be undead, but I'm gonna re-dead you if you don't tell us-"

"She was killed by your brother, Bowser Jr." said King Boo, before Roy could finish his threat. "He's dead too," added the spectre matter-of-factly.

"How'd _he_ die?" gulped Larry.

"Iggy killed him."

"Who killed Iggy," growled Roy, a bitter smirk twisting his face.

"No one – he's still alive… for now…"

"Yeah, well let's focus on da here and now, shall we?" said Roy. "What exactly happened?"

"It seems Junior didn't agree with Iggy and Wendy when they saw fit to poke Ludwig's eyes out-"

"_Poke 'is eyes out!?_ Why da Hell did dey do _dat_?"

"He was a traitor," murmured Larry.

"Like Hell he was!"

"_Now_ who's delaying the story?" sneered King Boo, prompting dirty looks from both Roy and Larry. "As I was saying-" he continued, "Junior attacked Wendy to try and make her stop, and Iggy hurried to defend her. He killed Junior with his own sword, but Wendy had been fatally wounded herself, and died shortly thereafter – they don't have many Life Shrooms in Chai, it seems."

"What about Luddy?" asked Roy.

"_Luddy_?" said Larry incredulously. "Two of our siblings are dead, and you ask about the _traitor_?"

"He's **not **a traitor!" argued Roy.

"What he is is blind," said King Boo with another smile.

"You shut up – unless you have any more _relevant_ intelligence."

King Boo chose to respond with an example of his wealth of information. "It was Daisy that ratted Ludwig out."

"Nice!" spat Roy. "After all he did for her, and dat's how she repaid him – by servin' his bloodthirsty siblings his eyeballs on a silva platta! I told him not ta trust her – but did he listen? If he did, he wouldn't be blind now would he?"

Larry tuned out Roy's rant, his eyes having glazed over at King Boo's latest revelation. Perhaps Daisy was on to something – she always wanted Sarasaland back, and with Ludwig out of the way, it was hers. She already got Lemmy disowned, and now Junior was even out of the picture (though that was certainly an unexpected lucky break), meaning that Daisy was the sole leader of Sarasaland. If Larry could mastermind a way to dispose of Roy, they could rule the majority of the kingdom together. Iggy posed a problem, though, and Larry couldn't help but wonder if his brother would try and steal the Sarasaland princess – he always did have eyes for her.

His blood boiling, Larry turned and left the Throne Room without another word. Roy watched him go, and though he considered calling him back, he turned to King Boo instead. "Anything else I should know about?"

King Boo watched Larry leaving over Roy's shoulder. As Larry wiped his snout dry, the ghost grinned. "More than you know." He then vanished into thin air, leaving a very pissed-off Roy alone in the Entrance Hall.


	14. Act IV Scenes iii, iv and v

**A/N****: Anther triple-bill of teensy-weensy scenes coming at ya!**

**I had to up the drama surrounding Bowser's situation in the first scene; in **_**Lear**_**, it focused on Cordelia (Peach), but in this version it's a lot more frantic. Also, in **_**King Lear**_**, the Fool disappeared and no real explanation was given, so I took the liberty of stating exactly what befell Kammy.**

**The second scene's much truer to the play, except for the fact I gave the Officer (Toad) lines. I also think Cordelia saw Lear herself in the play, but I changed it so that Peach is merely told about Bowser.**

**I changed the order of the third scene's conversation around a bit, and jazzed it up a little, but overall it's the same.**

Act IV. Scene iii.

Kamek flew into Rogueport, his broomstick splintered and his clothes in rags. He streaked through the town, looking for Peach, Mario or any other friendly face that could help him. Finally, he spotted Morton.

"Kamek! Where's King Dad?" called the Koopaling as Kamek approached.

"Shhhh!" hissed the Magikoopa, casting a fruitful look around him. "I'm supposed to be banished, remember? And Bowser's not the most popular guy at the moment – what with your siblings' reign of terror!"

Morton waved it off. "Psh, this is _Rogueport_ – no one cares! And 'reign of terror'? My sibs are a bunch of pricks, that's for sure, but you make it sound like they're bloodthirsty tyrants!"

"They _are_ bloodthirsty tyrants!" exclaimed Kamek, before wincing and lowering his voice once again. "They just had us shot out of the sky! The Koopa Cruiser crashed just north of the town. I was knocked out, and when I came to Bowser was gone and Kammy was… she was… dead." Kamek choked out the last part with some difficulty. He could still see her impaled on the girder, her blood staining her purple robes, her glasses shattered, her…

"Holy crap!" yelped Morton, unaware of Kamek's dark trip down memory lane as he promptly began to babble. "I saw some Roketons go by recently, and I figured they were just looking for Peach – she's hiding in the sewers, by the way – but they must've been the ones that destroyed the Cruiser! Oh, Koopa, I can't believe this! Kammy's dead? I can't believe it! It's unbelievable! And King Dad was gone? I hope they didn't get him…"

"I don't think so," said Kamek, drifting back to reality. "I found evidence that he left the wreckage on his own power – there were footprints and very Bowser-esque trails of destruction leading away from the bridge to the outside world. I think he's just running around the countryside – hopping mad, I'd except."

"Mad angry or mad crazy?"

"Both."

"Well, it doesn't matter if he's mad angry or mad crazy or both or neither – either way we need to tell Peach and Luigi!"

"And Mario," sighed Kamek defeatedly.

Morton shook his head. "Mario had to go back to Brooklyn – seems the Kremlings were besieging Big Ape City, and the big ape himself (Donkey Kong – the younger one, not the original one, Cranky, who doesn't care about that sorta thing anymore from what I've heard) needed some help."

"Mario would turn his back on the Mushroom Kingdom in its hour of greatest need?" Kamek was aghast.

"Brooklyn's been his home for years – it makes sense that he'd want to help save it more than save us from ourselves."

"But Peach-"

"Peach can take care of herself – or so she says, though 90% of the time she _can't_, not that I was gonna point that out to her when she explained the situation, no siree! – and besides, he left Luigi here too."

"Great," snarled Kamek. "A princess, a coward and a handful of Toads against the combined forces of the Koopa, Mushroom and Sarasa Lands."

"Which reminds me, is "Sarasaland" one word or two? I've seen it spelt both ways – moreso the later in recent years than the former, though. And I-"

"How is that even _relevant_ to our situation!? Your father needs help, so we're gonna go get it now! Which way did you say Peach was again?"

Morton pointed to the ground.

"Where's the nearest pipe to the sewers?"

"In the garden, but I really wanna know the spel-"

"Bowser first, spelling later!" barked Kamek, starting off towards the garden, Morton waddling along behind him.

Act IV. Scene iv.

Having been informed of the crash by Morton and Kamek, Peach sprang into action. "Toad, prepare a search-party immediately."

"But the Roketons-"

"They're the reason we must hurry," said Peach, her pretty face lined with worry. "We must find Bowser before they do. We must save him!"

As Toad ran off, Luigi put a reassuring arm around Peach. "We will save him – you'll see."

"But they say he's gone completely insane! As if the Koopalings turning on him wasn't bad enough, but now that Kammy's gone…" Peach bit back tears. "Bowser loved that old lady – she was like his mother, I'm sure of it – and when a heart is broken horrible things happen" She started sobbing as Luigi pulled her into gentle hug. "And if I- if I hadn't said th-those th-things earlier none- none of th-this would've happened!"

"Shhhh, it's not your fault," reassured Luigi.

"Oh, but it is! It is!" wailed Peach. "I b-b-b-broke his heart! And now K-Kammy's gone and he has n-_nothing_!"

"He has you, Peach! You came back! And when he sees you, I know he'll recover!"

"I w-w-wish that were t-true!" sniveled Peach, casting her bleary eyes up, towards the ceiling. In her mind, she prayed that if the Star Spirits ever decided to take pity on Bowser, they would do it soon.

"Princess Peach!" came Toadette's gratingly high voice.

Peach pulled away from Luigi, wiping off the tears and willing the redness to leave her face. The Toads needed a strong leader.

"What is it, Toadette?" she asked, her voice wavering only slightly as the girl ran into the room.

"Our spies say the Koopan and Sarasalandish forces are on the move! Iggy's at Mushroom Castle, and will be joining his brothers soon!" Toadette stared at Peach in horror. "What do we do, Princess?"

Peach took a deep breath to try and steady her racing heart. After a moment, she opened her clear blue eyes. "First, we find Bowser."

Act IV. Scene v.

"Did Roy dispatch the Koopas?"

"He was very reluctant to take action. M'lord. Master Larry was the one who organized the soldiers," reported Toadsworth. Once the army was loaded onto an airship, Larry had sent the old man to the Mushroom Kingdom, where the Sarasaland forces had stopped over. He had given Toadsworth a letter for Daisy, but by the time he arrived, he found only Iggy.

"Nice to hear Larry's growing some ba-" Iggy trailed off, and suddenly snapped his head towards Toadsworth. "What's in the letter to Daisy?"

"I cannot say – I did not read it, nor can I let you read it."

"You're in no place to tell me what I can or can't do – you're in my castle, remember?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I still can't get used to that," sighed Toadsworth, casting a wistful look over the hall. He knew the stones in the walls and the floors like the back of his hand, but the Koopan tapestries decking the halls were still alien in his eyes. That was one of the reason he didn't mind being attached to Larry's train as opposed to Iggy's – he could not live in the building he had called his home for so long, but was no home to him anymore.

"Nevertheless, give me the letter," insisted Iggy, holding out his hand.

"It's private – I'm sorry, m'boy, but I can't."

"'_Private_'?" hissed Iggy, his hand clenching into a fist. "It's not- they're not- Daisy's _my_ lover!"

"_I beg your pardon_?"

"You heard me – we're together. I asked her out before we caught Ludwig, and she said 'yes', so whatever you think's going on between her and Larry, well, it's not true!"

"I didn't have the _faintest_ suspicion that the good despots were an item!" said Toadsworth. He was being honest (Larry kept his secrets well), though he suspected he wasn't being shown the same courtesy.

"Anything Larry has to say to Daisy, he can say to me," menaced Iggy.

"Oh ho!" Toadsworth raised his eyebrows. "M'boy, if you keep thinking like that, your affair with Mistress Daisy will be a short one, indeed!"

"This from a century-old bachelor!"

"Where is Miss Daisy, anyway?" asked Toadsworth, changing the subject.

"Looking for Ludwig – we can't let him meet with Peach." Iggy turned away from Toadsworth and paced in agitation. "It was a mistake to let him go in the first place. When people see what we did to him, they think we're monsters! And of course, he won't tell them he was blinded for treachery – a crime usually punished by death!"

"Let me guess – Miss Daisy's gone to finish the job, eh wot?"

"Yup," said Iggy, his back turned. "Ludwig didn't appreciate our mercy, so we've retracted it." The Koopaling turned to Toadsworth. "If you wanna find Daisy, you could make yourself useful and go help her finish Ludwig. I'll let you take her that letter if you give her this too-" Iggy pulled out an elaborate crystal structure. "I made it just for her – she likes crystals."

"I say, it's magnificent!" Toadsworth took the gift, admiring it for a moment before stowing it away.

"Thank you, now go. Ludwig'll be here in the Grassland province by now. Seek him out – and Daisy as well."

"Yes, sire," said Toadsworth, bowing low before turning and rushing to the door. Iggy frowned and continued his pacing. He hadn't asked Daisy out, but he saw how she looked at him in Chai – and how she looked at Larry too. If his younger brother had beaten him to the punch, Iggy would stop at nothing to ensure any connection between him and the apple of both their eyes was severed before long. He hoped it wouldn't go that far, though – he had already killed one of his brothers, and he didn't relish the thought of dispatching another to the shores of the Underwhere. But if he had to, he would.


	15. Act IV Scene vi

**A/N****: The fact I didn't make Ludwig suicidal like Gloucester in **_**King Lear**_** allowed me to chop out a great deal of this scene, making it much more straightforward.**

Act IV. Scene vi.

"We're almost there," said Lemmy, look back at Ludwig eagerly.

The other Koopaling wasn't feeling so energetic. "Sometimes I vonder vy I'm even trying to find Peach – she doesn't need somezing else to vorry about! Vat vit my bruzzers and sister marching against her and my fazzer to protect – if indeed he's still alive!"

"Don't listen to the rumours – I'm sure it wasn't his ship that was shot down by Boggly Woods…"

"Who else's vould it have been?" said Ludwig plaintively.

"Well, we won't know for sure until we reach Rogueport and find Peach."

Ludwig frowned.

"What is it _now_?" moaned Lemmy.

"You sound different," he replied. Turning his head so that one of his internal ears directly faced Lemmy.

"What do you mean? I don't sound different," said Lemmy, sweat beading on his brow.

"Your speech has improved," said Ludwig. "You don't ramble on about zee fiends anymore – you're more focused on reality."

"The fiends have retreated since I started guiding you," said Lemmy, thinking up excuses fast. "Few things can stop the fiend – perhaps they sense your magical prowess."

"I'm no exorcist," chuckled Ludwig. "I'm barely anysing at all now – I can feel my powers draining avay as vee speak. Vendy blinded me vit her vand, and I fear it's had some unfor_e_**see**able circumstances, heh heh."

"You shouldn't joke about stuff like that," said Lemmy darkly. "And you shouldn't be so pessimistic either. They're at the cutting edge of medicine around here – surprisingly enough, considering how seedy the town is."

Ludwig snorted. "If I can't joke about my predicament and I can't get depressed about it, vat _should_ I be feeling, eh Tom? Anger?"

"No," whimpered Lemmy.

"You sound _so_ familiar…" remarked Ludwig.

"**No!** They cannot arrest me for making counterfeit coins – I'm the King! Everything I touch turns to gold!"

"Zat voice sounds familiar too," said Ludwig, perking up as Bowser appeared over a nearby hill. He was covered in weeds and garbage, and was running with a slight limp. As he got closer, Lemmy could see that his father was covered in small cuts, burns and bruises. It seemed the Koopa Cruiser was what had crashed after all.

Bowser did not seem to notice Lemmy and Ludwig until he stepped onto the road, then he turned and stared at them in shock for a moment. Lemmy wondered if he recognized them, when Bowser suddenly bent down and scooped up a handful of dirt. He looked back up at the Koopalings. "Here! Take this money!" He flung the rubble at is children and scrambled up the hill on the other side of the path.

At the top of the grassy knoll, Bowser turned around and looked down at Ludwig and Lemmy as he bounced up and down like an excited rabbit. "Look, look, a Mouser! Peace, peace, this piece of toasted cheese will do it!" He pulled off part of the vegetation he had decorated himself with and threw in Lemmy and Ludwig's direction. He then seized another handful of grass form his feet and flung it over himself, so that it fell like confetti all around him. "There's my armor! I'll prove it on a giant! Bring up the Cataquacks! O, well flown, bird! In the clouds! In the clouds! Hewgh! Give the word!"

"Is zat King Bowser?" gasped Ludwig, his sightless face upturned towards the hilltop.

"I'm afraid so," said Lemmy as Bowser came running back towards them. The hill wasn't very high, but it was rather steep and the King tripped and tumbled head over heels for most of the decent. He landed in a heap on the path, but sprung right back up and peered at Lemmy and Ludwig.

"Larry, you're hair's gotten poofier! And Iggy, you're wearing contacts now?"

"We're not Iggy and Larry," said Lemmy.

"Fazzer, it's me, Ludwig!" entreated the other Koopaling.

"Ludwig likes poetry!" grinned Bowser deliriously. "Shakeguy poetry! It's all about sex, but do people believe me? _No!_ Here, see for yourself:

"_The Tweeter goes to it, and the small Fighter Fly  
Does lecher in my sight.  
Let copulation thrive…_

"Er, what comes next?" muttered Bowser, pausing for a moment before inadvertently skipping a few lines and continuing. "_To it, lust, pell-mell! For I_… er, something something something, _Whose face between her legs promises snow_ – that meant chastity in ye olden days speak."

"You're such a scholar, Fazzer," deadpanned Ludwig.

"Yeah, a real Professor of the English Language," grinned Lemmy, but Bowser paid them no mind and continued with his speech.

"-That snow,_ that minces virtue, and does shake the head  
To hear pleasure's name.  
The whore nor the soiled Yoshi goes to it  
With a more riotous appetite._

"You see? Isn't it great! And this stuff was family entertainment in the past! Hah, it's as smutty as G-rated French films! Gwa ha ha!"

"Y'know," muttered Ludwig to Lemmy. "If zis is anysing to set score by, my fazzer is smarter ven he's _lost_ his mind."

Lemmy chuckled. "He sure is! – Er, I mean, I heard he's not the smartest cookie in the jar."

"There's hell, there's darkness, there is the sulphurous pit!" bellowed Bowser, suddenly reeling away from his audience. "Burning! Scalding! Stench! Consumption! Fie, fie, fie! Pah, pah!"

"Hey, whoa! Where'd this come from?" yelped Lemmy.

"Have some more money!" screamed Bowser, pelting Lemmy and Ludwig with more dirt.

"Ack! Quit showering us vit rubble and calm down Fazzer! Come closer! Don't you recognize me?"

"I recognize that fashionable headband, blind Cupid! Here, read this letter with me," Bowser held out a leaf to Ludwig, but the Koopaling shook his head.

"Fazzer, I'm blind – I can't read anysing anymore."

"Read," prompted Bowser.

"Vit _vat_? My _eye sockets_? Iggy and Vendy poked my eyes out! Can't you see Fazzer, I'm _blind_." At this, Ludwig reached up and pushed up the cloth. Lemmy reared back at the sight of the sunken, half-closed eyelids – still caked in blood – and the inky black holes beyond them.

"O, ho!" said Bowser as Ludwig pulled the headband back over his face. "No eyes in your head, nor no money in your purse? Your head is in a heavy case, your purse in a light. Here, take some money-"

"That's alright," said Lemmy hastily as Bowser bent back down for another handful of earth. "We're going to see Peach – we don't need money."

"You have to come vit us," said Ludwig.

"You should get glass eyes, and like a scurvy politician, pretend you can see things which you can not," muttered Bowser, turning away.

"Didn't you hear me?" said Ludwig, taking a step forwards. "Peach is here to rescue you, you should be happy! You have to come vit us!"

"If you would weep my fortunes, you should take my eyes. I know you – you're Ludwig, my son. My _good_ son."

Ludwig smiled as Bowser reached out and gently ran his knuckles across the Koopaling's cheek. "Yes! Yes, it's me, Fazzer!"

"You were betrayed and abused… and _I_ was betrayed and abused." Bowser's hand dropped back to his side as he began to shake with rage. "Those other Koopalings! Those liars! Those ungrateful, traitorous bastards! When I get my hands on them, they will see no mercy from me after what they've done to us! I'll see them, and then kill, kill, KILL, KILL, KILL, **KILL!!!!**"

As Bowser stomped his feet and roared with rage, Luigi appeared around the hill, sprinting along the path towards the King, Toad and Toadette hot on his heels. "Bowser! We've been looking all over for you-"

"NO! I will not be taken prisoner!" bellowed the Koopa King.

"Prisoner? No, we're here to help you-"

"That's what they all say! 'You need to let us take care of you, you need to let us **control** you' well I won't be controlled! I won't be confined! I won't be stripped of my power! My crown! My pride! My- my- … NOOOOOOO!!!!"

"Fazzer! Zey're on our side!" cried Ludwig as Bowser turned and ran away from the group.

"Bowser, no!" hollered Luigi.

"Come back!" yelled Lemmy.

"If you want me, come and get me! Sa, sa, sa, sa!" called Bowser, who was a remarkably fast sprinter.

"After him!" ordered Luigi, and Toad and Toadette immediately set off after the King.

"You're here because of Peach, right?" said Lemmy, before Luigi could run off as well.

"Yes, why?"

"We're on her side – Ludwig was blinded helping King D-Bowser," corrected Lemmy hastily. "We need to find her, is she still in town?"

"Yeah, in the sewers – in the eastern sections."

"Thanks," said Lemmy.

"Vee shouldn't bozzer her," muttered Ludwig gloomily.

"We've also heard rumours of an imminent battle," continued Lemmy, pretending he hadn't heard Ludwig's comment.

Luigi winced at the thought. "Um, y-yeah. The other Koopalings are on their way as we sp-speak. There's gonna be a huge fight before the d-day's out."

"In Rogueport?"

"Outside the city limits," said Luigi, shaking his head woodenly. "Peach doesn't want to end-d-danger the townsfolk when the Koopalings come r-raining d-down on us." Luigi gave a grimacing smile and his next words came out as a pitiful squeak. "We're gonna die..."

"Everyone's so pessimistic around here!" sighed Lemmy exasperatedly once Luigi had turned and started off after Bowser. "I guess we'll have to book it if we hope to make it to Rogueport before all Hell breaks loose."

Ludwig hung his head, and it took a moment before he let Lemmy turn him around and pull him farther down the path. They had scarcely been walking ten minutes when Toadsworth appeared around the next bend.

"Ah ha!" he called, pulling out a rapier. "It seems I've found you before Miss Daisy, my good sir. I'm afraid my standing orders are to execute you for your continued acts of treachery against the lords of the land."

"So Iggy, Vendy and Larry finally realized letting me wander around, blinded by zeir unmerciful hands, vas a mistake? It took zem long enoguh, but killing me von't make me any less of a martyr," said Ludwig, puffing out his chest. "Take you're best shot – I vill not stop you."

"Oh, yeah? Well, _I_ will," growled Lemmy, stepping in front of Ludwig, pulling his own sword out of his shell. He never liked carrying weapons in the past, but since he was branded a traitor, he figured it was best if he carried some method of self-defense – besides his natural powers as a Dragon-Koopa, of course.

"Good gentleman, go your gait and let poor volk pass," continued Lemmy. Ludwig said he wasn't speaking like a mad man anymore, so he decided to try another shtick to confuse the old Toad. "An chud ha' bin zwagger'd out of my life, 'twould not ha' bin zo long as 'tis by 'tree days hence. Nay, come not near the Koopaling. Keep out, che vor' ye, or Ise try whither your costard or my ballow be the harder. Chill be plain with you."

Toadsworth blinked. "What's all this nonsense, then?"

"Chill not let go, zir, without vurther 'casion," growled Lemmy, waving his sword at Toadsworth.

"And people sink _I_ speak veirdly," snorted Ludwig, a wry grin on his face.

"Soon you'll speak no more, sir! I'll not be distracted any longer, I'll finish off this scalawag first and then carry out my orders and finish you, m'boy!"

"Chill pick your teeth, zir," threatened Lemmy.

"Out, dunghill!" bellowed Toadsworth, lunging forwards.

"No matter vor your foins!" crowed Lemmy, meeting Toadsworth halfway. The two fought fiercely, their swords flashing and not giving an inch. For an old man, Toadsworth did remarkably well, the adrenaline allowing him to forget about his bad back and his rickety knees as he matched Lemmy's youthful strikes. But Lemmy's blade soon hit its mark, and Toadsworth crumpled to the ground, his vim erupting from the cut in his belly. "O, untimely death!" he croaked as he convulsed in the dust. "Death!" He fell back, his eyes and mouth open as his last breath wafted from his lips.

Lemmy stood over his vanquished foe, breathing deeply and scarcely believing what he had just done.

After a moment of silence, Ludwig spoke up. "Vat, is he dead?"

"I- yes," panted Lemmy. Shaking himself out of his shock, he fell to his knees and started rummaging in Toadsworth's pockets, looking for something that could possibly aid him against Larry and the other Koopalings. He found lots of knickknacks: a pocket watch, a strange crystal stature, a handkerchief and finally… a letter.

"Jackpot!" he grinned, getting to his feet and wiping some of the sticky green vim from his legs and hands.

"Vat is it?"

"A letter to Daisy – from Larry," said Lemmy, pulling the note open and reading it aloud.

"_DAISY,_

_I have heard of Wendy's death, and I know now that nothing  
stands between us and the kingdom but Roy and Iggy. This is  
a lucky and unforeseeable windfall, and we must seize it! You  
have masterminded your return to the throne of Sarasaland  
with more cunning than I could ever muster, and together, we  
would be unstoppable! My dearest Daisy, I beseech you to  
help me plan Roy's demise. Once I have Dark Land, the  
Mushroom Land and Iggy will easily fall. You deserve no less  
than the world itself, and soon, it will be yours, my love._

_LARRY_

"I don't believe it!" cried Lemmy.

"I do," sighed Ludwig.

"We must warn Roy – anything to stop those murderers from ruling the land unopposed! Hurry! We must get to Rogueport before the battle begins!" Lemmy grabbed Ludwig's hand and pulled him along as he walked around Toadsworth's corpse and down the road towards town.


	16. Act IV Scene vii

**A/N****: I made Kamek more involved in Bowser's recovery than Kent was in King Lear's. I also added Morton's plot summary to include the fact that Ludwig and Lemmy made it to camp – another thing I fabricated to keep the play interconnected (in **_**King Lear**_**, they merely visit an unseen friend, who is then apparently replaced a tree in Act ****V****. Scene ****ii****.). The fact that Peach and co. know the full story about their enemies doesn't change anything – it just makes the last scene a little less talky (that's when the summaries come in **_**Lear**_**).**

Act IV. Scene vii.

"Oh! Kamek!" The old Magikoopa was certainly surprised from Peach's enthusiasm as he woke from his nap and reentered the main foyer, where the Toads were preparing for war. Peach immediately ran over and hugged him. "Without you, we never would have gotten to Bowser in time!"

"You found him?" now Kamek was grinning too.

"Oh yeah," nodded Luigi, walking up to the pair as Peach released Kamek. "A few miles north of the town – he led us on quite a chase, but when we finally caught up to him, he was too tired to put up a fight. We didn't want to press our luck, so we used the Return Pipe right away."

"We gave him the medicine you recommended and he's sleeping off the last of his madness… I hope," a hint of doubt crawled back into Peach's voice as she spoke.

"That medicine will do the trick – Bowser's still his old self deep down, and with you here, I'm sure we can bring him back to the surface."

Peach smiled at Kamek's reassuring words. "Thank you – you don't know how much this means to me… Why don't you take off your disguise? I'm sure seeing you will help Bowser too."

Kamek shook his head. "I still have a bounty on my head – remember? It'd be safer for everyone if I kept up my little charade until I'm officially pardoned. Besides, Bowser cares about you much more than he does me – we shouldn't distract him from your happy reunion."

"Speaking of which…" Luigi pointed across the hall as Morton appeared through another door, leading a bleary Bowser by the hand.

"Bowser!" cried Peach, rushing forward to meet him. She clasped his free hand in both of her own and searched his face with her watery eyes. "Are you feeling better?"

Bowser smiled at her. "You're the prettiest Shayde I've ever seen."

"Shayde? No, Bowser, we're not in the Underwhere, I'm-"

"Don't tease me, spirit, I know I could never have made it to the Overthere – not after all I've done…"

"Don't say that, Bowser! You're not dead – it's me, Peach!"

Bowser pulled his hand from Morton's and rubbed his forehead. "Urgh… Where am I? Where have I been? This dungeon looks familiar… Is this a trick? It feels so real, how can this be another delusion?"

"I think you mean, 'hallucination'," corrected Kamek, in spite of himself.

Bowser opened his eyes and glared at Kamek. He looked so much like his old, temperamental self, Peach gripped his hand harder. "Bowser? Look at me! Don't you recognize me? Can't you remember me?"

"I can't remember much of anything," said Bowser. "I can't remember where I slept last night, or what I've been doing today, or how I got here, why I slept here… Don't laugh at me, but I know I must be insane, because I think you're my beloved Princess Peach."

"I am! I am!" sobbed Peach, hugging Bowser's midriff.

He peered down at her in confusion. "Crying? Seeing me has made you unhappy… I know you don't love me…"

"No! No! That's not true – I'm _happy_ to see you! I do love you! …As a _friend_… I came back to save you from the ones who _don't_ love you." Peach decided to switch the subject before Bowser had a chance to become angry about his horrible children again. "You're safe here!"

"Are we in Brooklyn?"

"No, we're-"

"Big Ape City?"

"No, that's the same as Brooklyn."

"That's something I could _never_ remember," said Bowser wryly.

"We're in Rogueport," said Peach, before Bowser could cut her off again.

"_Where?_"

"I think it's time to let His Befuddledness rest some more," said Kamek, stepping forward before Peach could address Bowser's latest bout of senility. "We don't want to over-exert his mind. He's well on his way to recovery. At this rate, he'll have enough of his wits to help in the battle."

Peach frowned at the thought of the upcoming confrontation. Well, we'll deal with that later. Come, Bowser, let's get you to bed."

"Bed huh? Are you coming too?" said Bowser lasciviously.

Peach chuckled. "You _are_ getting better."

"Is that a 'yes'?"

Just to be safe, Luigi followed Peach and Bowser into the King's room, and Kamek walked up to Morton. "Are you up to speed with everything that's going on?"

"Please! I'm speed itself, Kamek! I know everything about everything that's happening now, that has happened in the past, and I can even make educated guesses about what's gonna happen in the future-"

"Great!" said Kamek, before Morton's speech could go on any longer. "I've heard rumours that Wendy's dead-"

"She is, and BJ too," said Morton, not the least bit remorseful about his deceased siblings. "Lemmy and Ludwig showed up in town while you were sleeping – just after Luigi returned with King Dad, actually. Ludwig saw BJ stab Wendy, and then he saw Iggy behead Junior, and then Iggy poked his eye out."

"His _eye_?" gasped Kamek, though he could hardly believe the news about Bowser Jr. either.

"Yeah, Wendy poked his other eye out first – that's why Junior attacked her. Lemmy led Ludwig all the way here, but they got assaulted by Toadsworth outside of town. Lemmy killed him-"

"_Lemmy_ killed someone?"

"Yep, I was surprised too. He was still shaken up about it when he told me. Anyway, Lemmy killed Toadsworth and found a letter Larry wrote to Daisy that confirmed that Wendy died of her stab wound, as well as revealing that Larry's out to get Roy, and that he (Larry) and Daisy are – get this – _lovers_!"

"This is nuts," said Kamek, running a hand through his purple hair. "Where are Lemmy and Ludwig now?"

"Lemmy's gone to try and warn Roy, and Ludwig's sleeping."

"I should take a look at him – see if his eyes can be fixed."

"Ludwig already told the Toad doctors he was beyond help – apparently there's something funny and magical about the wounds, but the Toads didn't really understand so I don't know exactly what's wrong myself, since I was busy with King Dad at that point and have only heard second-hand accounts-"

"Toads are idiots, I'm gonna go talk to Ludwig myself before I have to head out to battle," insisted Kamek. "Where's he lodged?"

"I'll take you ther emyself – I'd like to talk to him too," Morton started to lead the way down the corridor. "Oh, by the way, everyone besides us still thinks you're in the Waffle Kingdom, and they figure Lemmy's in the Beanbean Kingdom."

"Finally," hissed Kamek. "Some _good_ news."


	17. Act V Scenes i and ii

**A/N****: Here's the penultimate chapter, and the last doubled-up set of scenes in the story.**

**Edgar (Lemmy)'s proposition to Albany (Roy) made a lot more sense in **_**King Lear**_**'s original setting, where honor and knightly challenges took the place of mono-a-mono shoot-em-ups and courts of law. This affects Scene ****iii**** more than it does Scene ****i****, but I thought I'd explain it all now, ahead of time (to try and explain what Lemmy's doing, though I fudged it quite a bit to make it less random). Also, Iggy and Daisy's exchange was inspired by a movie version of **_**Lear**_** starring James Earl Jones that we watched in English class, seeing as the play itself only includes the dialogue, and not the accompanying, er, **_**actions**_**…**

**In its original form, the second scene is the biggest cop-out ever; in **_**King Lear**_**, it's basically Gloucester (Ludwig) sitting under a tree as the action happens offstage. To make it a little more interesting, I added a lot more fill-in-the-blank exposition (particularly about Ludwig's aliment), and I added the whole ending conversation, which was only included in **_**Lear**_** in a retelling. I also made Ludwig a bit more insightful than Gloucester (no pun intended).**

Act V. Scene i.

The combined forces of Sarasaland and Mushroom Land stationed themselves on the hills north of Rogueport no less than two hours after Luigi, Bowser, Lemmy and Ludwig had fled the scene. Some of Iggy's scouts discovered Toadsworth's body; it still had the bespectacled Koopaling's crystal on it, but was robbed of Larry's letter. Iggy hoped this was because whoever killed Toadsworth took the letter, and not because he had already found Daisy, given her the letter, and then withheld Iggy's gift. Or worse – if he had offered the crystal, but Daisy had rejected it. Iggy had no choice but to speak to her before Larry and Roy arrived, and since their airship was already landing, he had to be quick about it.

He found Daisy in her private tent, speaking with Wario. "…And go greet Larry and Roy when they arrive for me. Bring them back here, okay?"

"Yeah, but first, where's the doh?" growled Wario, holding out his pudgy hand for the payment.

Daisy rolled her eyes, flashing Iggy a cheeky smile as she pulled a bundle of coins from under her Strikers armor. Part of Iggy wished she was gonna wear a bit more protection going into the battle, but as Wario waddled out of the tent, the other half of Iggy couldn't help but appreciate the view Daisy's clothing of choice allowed him.

"How can I help you?" she smiled.

"Did you see Toadsworth today?"

"No, why?"

Iggy flushed with relief. "He's dead."

"Oh… Larry's not gonna be happy, do you know who killed him?"

"Larry?" said Iggy, ignoring the question, blood once again rushing to his cheeks at the sound of his rival's name. "Why do you care how _he_ feels?"

Daisy raised an eyebrow at Iggy's peculiar behavior. "…because Toadsworth's Larry's minion. Remember when we found out your Hammer Bros. defected? You were mad."

"It's not the same!" said Iggy, taking a halting step towards Daisy. "I- he – do you like him?"

"He's okay," shrugged Daisy, pretending to now know what Iggy was getting at.

"No, I mean, do you _like_ like him? Are you… t- together." Even saying it made Iggy feel sick.

"Iggy," smiled Daisy, sauntering up to the Koopaling. "Would I do that to you?"

"_Would you_?" he said. He felt like he could barely breathe as he looked down at her – his heart was in his throat.

Daisy smiled, and with half-closed eye, she stood on her tiptoes and gave Iggy a light peck on his lips. "No," she whispered before kissing him again, and this time, he was ready for it. Where Larry had been overwhelmed, Iggy was aggressive and he seized the opportunity Daisy presented him with without mercy. His right hand went straight for the naked small of her back and the other supported her head as he bent over to eliminate their height difference from the equation. The dip took Daisy by surprise; her leg instinctively came up and hooked around Iggy's and she wrapped her arms around his neck for support while her eyes opened wide in alarm. She was unable to stop him as he stuck his long, reptilian tongue down her throat, but as pins and needles ripped through her body, she realized was _glad_ she couldn't.

Fortunately for both of them, Iggy had just enough restraint to keep his internal ears peeled for the sound of someone approaching the tent, and he released his windswept Daisy a moment before Larry pushed the tent flap open. Iggy was standing between Daisy and the new arrivals, and she was able to wipe off her face and force the flush from her cheeks before stepping around him to smile at Larry innocently. "Glad you could make it."

Now it was Larry's turn to feel the air on his face as feverish blood began to throb under his skin. He didn't know what had just transpired, but he knew Iggy had some sort of designs on his Princess, and he wouldn't stand for it.

Roy stuck his head in the tent, impervious to the tension in the air. "Oi! Get out here, you lot – dat tent's too small for a propa debriefin'."

Iggy nodded. "Yes, we have another tent all set up for that. We should get a move on – the sooner we can march on the invaders, the less time they'll have to prepare."

"No duh," hissed Larry as his brother passed by.

"As they walked through the bustling camp (now even more cramped by the addition of the Koopan forces), they hurriedly filled each other in on the situation. Larry wasn't too upset about Toadsworth, though the fate of his letter was another matter. And when Roy revealed that King Boo's intelligence had discovered that both Bowser and Ludwig had joined Peach in Rogueport, Iggy shrugged it off as an inevitable development. By the time they reached the tent, they had covered all the background information and were prepared to start planning their attack, but as they began to file in, an armored Koopa clanked up to Roy. "General, may I have a moment of you time? I've some information you must hear."

Roy looked over at his companions. "Go inside, I'll be right dere." He looked back at the soldier. He was the same height as a Koopatrol, but he was a lot more bulky – especially his giant head. His shell armor was also painted green instead of the standard grey, and the spikes seemed rather small, though Roy figured they lost looked small in comparison to the Koopa's hulking form. _Whoever let a specimen as sorry as this guy's gonna get fired the minute I get back to Koopa Castle…_

"Here," said the Koopa, holding out a letter and knocking Roy out of his critical thoughts. "Read this letter before the battle, and if you win, sound the trumpets and I'll challenge the fiends whose treacherous plots are contained within."

"Hey Tubby, ya can't even speak plain English, so why would I botha callin' _you_ ta fight fer me? I can crush any 'feinds' I come up against myself. And who're ya talkin' 'bout anyway?"

"I can't say – read the letter, and _please_ call me. You won't regret it – I may look wretched-"

"Got dat right," snorted Roy.

"You won't regret it," insisted the Koopa, before scuttling off.

Roy stood scratching his head in confusion as the strange, little guy ran away. He didn't think he dawdled too long, but soon Daisy had stepped outside of the tent. "You coming, or what?"

"If I wanna take my time, I damn well am gonna take my time, girlie," he growled. But he still turned around and swept past the princess into the tent.

Now it was Daisy's turn to stall her return inside. She took a moment to appreciate the cool outside air, away from her two paramours. The pleasure of having them at her beck and call was defeated by the stress of having to handle their jealousy – neither could be enjoyed while the other survived. With any luck, the upcoming battle would do away with one of them, because Daisy wasn't exactly sure which one she'd choose to keep and which one she'd murder in his sleep.

Larry would be easy to control – there would be no question as to who would be running the kingdom if they were together. But on the other hand, she wished he wasn't _all_ talk – cunning, intelligence and ambition meant nothing if you were too afraid to use it. Iggy was the polar opposite, and while his power and confidence filled Daisy with thrills she had never felt before (Luigi had been a lame duck too), it would also make it difficult for her to dominate their relationship. Until now she had been using his jealousy and self-consciousness to yank him around (and Larry too, to some extent, though he was naturally spineless), and once the competition was gone, she wondered how that would change him.

Neither of them were dreamboats.

Daisy sighed, wishing she could take bits from both of them, add the rugged good looks of Bowser's new guitarist henchman, mix it all together and take the result to be the King to her Queen of the World. But she'd worry about that later, and with a last deep breath of the cool, clean air, she turned back inside the tent. _Besides_, she though, _if worse comes to worst, we could always be a threesome_.

Act V. Scene ii.

The invasion force was pitiful to say the least. Peach, Luigi and a handful of Toads were the force from Brooklyn, with Bowser (who had recovered most of his marbles by then), Kamek, Morton, Lemmy and the Hammer Bros. augmenting their numbers. Blind and dying, Ludwig was forced to remain in the hideout as the rest departed, for he would be no use on the battlefield. Upon his inspection of the eldest Koopaling, Kamek had confirmed Ludwig's suspicions, and discovered that he had been cursed by his sister when she gouged out his eye. It seems that while Iggy had been foolish enough to let Ludwig survive, his sister had known better; her curse had been slowly draining Ludwig's magical powers, and soon the last drop of energy would be gone from his body, and he'd die a painful, irreversible death.

Ludwig had always known that helping Bowser might lead to his demise, and he had been prepared for it the moment Wendy sent him sailing into the throne. He knew she was going to kill him then – he could see it in her eyes. Sometimes he wished she had just run him through right then and there, instead of forcing him to linger in darkness, being dragged across the countryside by a strange little Koopa who raved about fiends one minute, and chatted with Ludwig like an old friend the next.

Lemmy had left Ludwig the moment they reached Peach's forces without even revealing his identity. The others knew the truth, but Lemmy asked that they let him tell Ludwig who he was. He wished he could've done it before he left, but he needed to get to Roy before the battle, and infiltrating the enemy camp – even in full Koopatrol armor – would be difficult. Even after his task was complete, he was not able to return before Peach's forces left the sewers. With a heavy heart, he met them en-route to the fields, and just hoped he and Ludwig would survive long enough for the truth to come out.

Alone in the sewers, Ludwig soon dozed off, dreaming uneasy visions of death and destruction. Whenever he drifted back into semi-consciousness, he fancied the water dripping down from the upper levels was the sound of his own lifeforce dripping away. As the power left him, he could feel his body slowly stop functioning. By the time Lemmy returned, Ludwig's lay paralyzed in a puddle of blood, for the coagulation in his eye sockets had dissolved, and they were bleeding afresh.

"Ludwig!" cried Lemmy, rushing to his brother's side. "Oh Koopa! I hope Kamek gets here soon – you need help."

"Shhhh," soothed Ludwig, smiling as Lemmy clutched his hand. "It's okay… I'm not afraid to die. In fact, it'll be a relief. In the next vorld, perhaps I vill see again…"

Lemmy shook his head, tears welling in his eyes. "No! No you can't die!"

"And I can see Junior again, and Kammy – I heard she died in zee crash… Tell me, is zee battle over?"

"Yes, but that's not important right now-"

"It is, Tom, it is," said Ludwig. "I need to know vat has happened to my fazzer, and to Morton and zee uzzers."

Lemmy bit his lip.

"Who has died?" asked Ludwig, the silence prompting his deduction.

"M- Morton," said Lemmy. "The Hammer Bros., the Toads… Luigi…"

"Fazzer?"

"Captured. P-Peach too," Lemmy squeezed Ludwig's hand. "But I'll save them – Roy's on our side, he'll – he'll help me."

Ludwig sighed. "Vat a mess zis has been. I am only sorry for zee hand I had in it."

"Don't be," said Lemmy. "Ludwig, I have something to tell you, I'm-"

"I know, Lemmy," said the older Koopaling with another smile.

"You kn-kn-_know_? B- but how?"

"I can tune a grand piano by ear, did you really sink I vould not recognize my own bruzzer's voice?" Ludwig gave a weak chuckle.

"But why didn't you tell me?"

"Vy didn't _you_ tell me?" countered Ludwig.

"I… I thought…"

"It doesn't matter now," said Ludwig calmly. He would have liked to reach up and stroke Lemmy's tear-streaked face (Ludwig could hear Lemmy sniffing and feel his hands trembling), but he was too weak to move his arms. "And vatever happens, remember zat you have been srough and done more in zeese past few days zen most people in zeir entire life. Do not blame yourself for my deasz."

"I don't."

"You're a bad liar, Lemmy," smiled Ludwig. "I'll see you again… Just not too soon, I hope…"

"Ludwig? _Ludwig_!?"

When Kamek rounded the corner, he found Lemmy sobbing next to a pile of dust and clutching a bloody headband in his shaking hands.


	18. Act V Scene iii

**A/N****: This final scene has a bit of everything, including humour, since I get to parody the knightly combat stuff I mentioned in Scene ****i****'s notes. Also, as I've said before, I got to move a lot of the exposition from this scene to earlier sections, and like with Act ****I****. Scene ****i****., I've taken a lot of liberty with the dialogue, and stage directions in general. Certain changes were inspired by the aforementioned James Ear Jones production of **_**King Lear**_**, but a lot of it is purely my doing. I hope you like it!**

Act V. Scene iii.

"King Boo, take them away!" commanded Daisy, grinning cruelly at her prisoners, Peach and Bowser.

"How could you do this to us?" cried Peach, straining against the chains that bound her arms. "We used to be friends!"

"Yeah, until I realized what a stupid, weak-minded, prissy idiot you are!" snapped Daisy.

"I'd rather be all that than a back-stabbing, murderous witch like you!" retorted Peach, tears in her eyes. "You used to be nice! You used to be good – a hero! And look at you, a lying, scheming, _evil_, villain!"

Daisy snorted. "You and your 'good' and 'evil'! Hasn't this shown you that that's all a load of bull! All that matters is who wins and who loses, and guess what? I've won! No one's gonna save you this time, _Princess_!"

Peach was shaking with fury, but Bowser nudged her arm. "No, no, no, no! Don't be sad, Peach. Let's go to prison where we'll sing like birds in a cage! All that'll matter is that we're together! It'll be like old times, only instead of me kidnapping you, we'll both be captives! It's only bad if you let it be bad."

Bowser grinned at Peach. He didn't even mind that he was chained up, he didn't care that half his children were dead (or dying) and that it was all because of his other kids. Tears rolled down Peach's face as she realized that Bowser's mind was going again, though she couldn't tell if it was the same madness reemerging, or merely the senility that had banished her less than a fortnight ago.

"Wipe your eyes," said Bowser, gently stroking Peach's cheek with the back of his claw. "We'll laugh in our gilded cage as they get what's coming to them, you'll see."

Peach looked him in the eyes and nodded, biting back the tears as King Boo yanked on the chains around their arms and pulled them through the camp towards the Koopa Cruiser, which was parked on a nearby hill.

Daisy waited until they were out of sight before pulling out a bag of gold and turning to Wario, who had been watching the exchange with Waluigi (who, having heard of the lucrative courier business, had come to give Wario a hand). "There are 1,000 Red Coins in there – 100,000 regular coins' worth of cash."

"Thanks lady, but I know the conversion of all currencies by heart," jeered Wario, grabbing at the bag.

Daisy held it away from him. "Don't you wanna know what I want you to do first?"

"For 1,000 Red Coins you could be asking me to give Waluigi's crusty old granny a spongebath – I don't care, just give me the money!"

Daisy smirked. "That's what I was counting on." As Wario snatched his payment, Daisy explained his task. "I want you to follow King Boo to the brig and kill Peach and Bowser."

"Say what?" Wario pulled his face out the bag to stare at Daisy. "Yo, have you caught the crazy plague going around or something? Killing the King's high treason!"

"I can see why you wanna kill Peach," said Waluigi, "–ta keep Mario from busting in and rescuing her – but it's still a little-"

"Look uglies, Iggy, Larry and I rule the kingdom, and we all want Bowser dead."

"What about the guy with the pink head?" growled Wario.

"Roy's gonna be dead before this day is through. Now, either give me my money back or get your fat ass to the Koopa Cruiser."

"Hey, no need to get nasty, whoremaster man!" jeered Waluigi. "I mean, _woman_."

Daisy growled as Wario yanked on Waluigi's arm to spin him around. "Don't worry, we're going, we're going!"

The Princess watched Wario and Waluigi walk away between the tents in silence. She then turned away as Roy, Iggy, Larry and Petey Piranha entered the clearing from the other direction.

"Where's Pa and Peach?" demanded Roy, scowling around the clearing. "You were supposed ta be watchin' dem."

"Sheesh, don't have a cow, man! I had King Boo take them to the Koopa Cruiser – the brig's way more secure than it is out here."

"Good thinkin', except for da fact dat Pa ain't no criminal – he's da King and he shouldn't be locked up. Period!"

"He assisted an invading force – he betrayed the kingdom," argued Daisy.

"If da King assists an invasion, it's not an invasion no more – it's a visitation from a foreign dignitary."

"_Visitations_ don't generally involved pitched battle. We lost a lot of soldiers-"

"Yeah, well I'm startin' ta think fightin' Peach was a mistake. Ya just know Mario's gonna come hammering down on our heads for killing his brotha and locking up his number one girl."

"They had it coming," said Daisy.

"Yeah," said Iggy, walking to the Princess' side, smirking at her confidently.

"Uh huh!" added Larry, hopping to Daisy's other side, casting her a hopeful grin.

"But-out Larry, you're Roy's partner, remember," sneered Iggy over Daisy's head.

"We're _all_ equal partners in this, Iggy… Just because I'm stuck sharing my land doesn't make me any less of a leader than you."

"Actually, it does – it makes you _half_ the leader I am. And half the leader Daisy is too."

Daisy smirked at the compliment. Roy watched the exchange with a silently raised eyebrow.

"Oh yeah… Well… the Koopan arm's twice the size of _yours_ – your Toads didn't help at all today... Except perhaps for the fact they distracted the enemies from attacking the _decent_ warriors."

"You're one to talk!" scoffed Iggy. "You spent the entire fight cowering behind Roy, whereas _I_ was the one who got Morton."

"Yeah, but we wanted him as a _prisoner_… Maybe if you didn't run around like a loose cannon we would've-"

"Maybe if you weren't such a piece of chicken-shit I would've had to compensate for your inactivity by shooting first and asking questions later!"

"Ha! …So you admit you messed up!"

"No! I admit _you_ messed up! The important thing is that we _won_, right Daisy?"

"Why are you bringing Daisy into this?"

"Because I value her opinion a Hell of a lot more than I do yours."

"Yeah, well the feeling isn't mutual! She's with me!" exclaimed Larry, gripping Daisy's upper arm.

"No, _Roy_'s with you, Daisy's with _me_," said Iggy, grabbing her other arm.

"No she's not – you're lying!"

"This from the boy who hasn't said a honest word in twenty years!"

"That's a lie too!"

"Apparently you can't think of good comebacks either," mocked Iggy.

"Boys! Boys!" grinned Daisy, freeing herself from their ever-tightening grips. "Don't fight over me – let's settle this like adults. _After _we decide on what to do with the prisoners, that is."

"Like you haven't decided already," growled Roy.

"What does that mean?" said Daisy, putting her hands on her hips.

"It means, I know you're plottin' ta _kill_ me. And dat you're da mastermind behind dis whole ting. I'll bet you're ready ta kill Peach and Pa too, and den what's next? Sick Iggy and Larry on each odda so dat you're da only despot left? Well, girlie, I ain't gonna let ya do dat!"

"You and what army?" sneered Daisy.

"Oh I dunno, da entire Koopa Troop, perhaps?"

"They answer to me too!" growled Larry.

"Not fer long."

"And what does _that_ mean?"

"Enough!" said Daisy, stepping forwards towards Roy. "We just had a huge battle, and the armies are in no condition to go fighting amongst themselves. Why don't we duke it out ourselves – you and me, right here, right now. To the death."

"Daisy!" said Iggy in alarm. "Don't do this, you could get hurt – or _killed_!"

"Nice to see how confident you are in me," said Daisy sarcastically.

"I believe in you," said Larry.

"Shut up," growled Iggy.

Meanwhile, Roy was thinking over the challenge. If he lost, there would be nothing standing between Daisy, Iggy and Larry and their unarmed victims. And if he won, Iggy and Larry would probably kill him for murdering their beloved Daisy. Larry had a point – a fair number of the Koopas were loyal to him, and taking Iggy's Mushroomians and Daisy's Saraslanders into account, Roy's forces were outnumbered even if they rushed to his aid. Either way. Bowser and Peach would die, and Roy could not let that happen, not after so many innocent people had already lost their lives. Therefore, he was left with one choice…

"I won't fight you," he said to Daisy. "But I know someone who will fight you in my name."

"What?" started Iggy.

"That's not fair!" bleated Larry.

Daisy held up a silencing hand, and her boys grudgingly obeyed, falling into acrimonious silence. The Princess smiled. To tell the truth, she had been a little worried about going up against Roy; anyone else would be a cakewalk compared to the big, burly Koopaling. "I accept," she said. "So where's your fighter?"

"He needs ta be summoned," said Roy, turning to Petey. "Find me a herald, will ya?"

"Oh, I brought one!" said Iggy.

"_Why?_" said Larry incredulously.

"He really wanted to come along – he's an excitable little Bean I found in Mushroom Castle's basement. He has this headgear – you probably saw him in battle with it – anyway, it doubles as a loudspeaker."

"Oh no," moaned Larry. "It's not that guy with the red cloak who brainwashed us that one time…"

"It is," said Iggy, relishing Larry's displeasure.

"The guy who took over Dad's castle…"

"That's the one."

"…Twice?"

"Yup."

"Just call him," growled Roy.

"FAWFUL!" bellowed Iggy.

Larry frowned and rubbed his head – his internal ears were ringing. "Who needs Fawful… You're loud enough."

"Oh well, too late," shrugged Iggy as Fawful flew over the tents and landed at his feet.

"You had the calling of the one who is me, Fawful?"

"Yeah, we need you to call someone for Roy," said Iggy.

"Why doe he not have the calling of this person himself?" frowned Fawful.

"That's what I said," grinned Larry.

"**No,** you said 'why don't we have _me_ call the person'," said Iggy, rolling his eyes.

"It's the same idea," whined Larry.

"Enough!" bellowed Roy, looking down at Fawful. "Use your helmet-thing to call for the, uh, chubby Koopatrol."

"You do not have the knowing of his name?" said Fawful incredulously.

"Well, when he offered ta fight fer me I didn't tink I'd take him up on it at da time. And besides, he never told me his name anyhow."

"You're gonna bet on some guy who's name you don't even know? And you criticize us?" cackled Daisy.

"Just call him!" ordered Roy.

"O of K!" saluted Fawful, as a microphone and large speaker popped out of his headgear. "_Attentioning the Koopatrol of fatness! You are being wanted by the fink-rat, Pink!_"

"He's not gonna understand _that_," growled Roy. "Use my _real_ name.

"O of K!" Fawful turned back to the microphone. "_Attentioning again! It is the Fink Rat who's name is being "__**Roy**__" that is wanting the Koopatrol of excessive weight to be coming to him!_" He looked back at Roy. "Is that being better, like bread that is buttered so that it is not dry and tasteless?"

"Maybe we should be more specific about who we're callin'," mused Roy. "Try mentioning dat it's the pudgy Koopatrol wid da green shell who I talked wid before da battle who I want."

"O of K!" once again, Fawful put his lips of to the Microphone and made his announcement. "_Attentioning for the time that is the third time of attentioning! The Fink-Rat Pink – who's name is being "Roy" – is wanting the Koopatrol who is portly like a pig that has eaten too much delicious slop from its long, splintery trough of food-dispensingness, and who has a shell that is being green, and who had the speaking to Pink – who's name is still being "Roy" – before the battle of bloodiness that we had the winning of. I HAVE FURY!_"

"Good… Except for the 'Fury' part," said Roy.

Before Fawful could respond, Lemmy clanked into the clearing. Daisy suppressed a derisive chuckle when she saw the ill-fitting armor. Compared to the sleek Koopa Troopas who normally wore the ensemble, 'Chubby' was an understatement.

"I'm here to fight," said Lemmy, drawing himself up to his full height – which came up to Daisy's shoulders.

"You're here to die, you mean," said Daisy menacingly.

"On the contrary, it's _you_ who is gonna die."

"O of boy!" grinned Fawful. "A fight of entertainingness! Is this being a match of grudge?"

"I dunno," said Daisy. "Maybe… Who are you anyway?"

"Your executioner," replied Lemmy.

"She shouldn't have to fight someone who won't reveal his identity," said Iggy, who was now leaning against a nearby barrel and gripping onto his stomach in pain. Larry saw this and smiled grimly. He had poisoned Iggy's canteen before the fight – just in case his brother was lucky and escaped death in the battlefield. Iggy wasn't the only one willing to kill for Daisy's fiery love.

"It's okay, Iggy," said Daisy, not even sparing her ailing amour a glance as she scanned Lemmy, trying to figure out why he seemed to familiar to her.

Roy, on the other hand, noticed that something was amiss. "Iggy, are you alright?"

"Urgh, it's my stomach – it really hurts," moaned Iggy. The pain was getting more intense with every passing minute.

"You might have been cursed in the battle – that purple-haired Magikoopa packed a punch." Despite the fact that Iggy was probably out to get him as much as Daisy and Larry, Roy couldn't help but feel concerned for his younger brother. "Petey, take Iggy to the medic."

"No, I wanna stay for the fight," gasped Iggy.

"You should listen to him," said Daisy coolly, before hastily switching to a caring tone of voice. "If you faint during the fight, how will I be able to keep my concentration? Go get help – for me."

Larry's face darkened as he wondered if his potion had backfired and helped sweep Daisy into Iggy's arms. But as Petey pulled Iggy to his feet and half-carried him out of the clearing, Larry shrugged it off. Even if Daisy had forsaken the fight and rushed to Iggy's side, their union would not last long – the poison Larry used was incurable, and once the symptoms set in, the victim was not long for the world. But it didn't matter, catching sight of Daisy's impassive face, Larry realized she felt nothing for his brother – she was all his.

"Enoughing of this opera of soap!" called Fawful from the sidelines. "Be starting the fight!"

"The annoying Bean's right," sneered Daisy, drawing her sword (it _was_ the weapon of choice those days). "Let's get it on!"

"Yes, let's," agreed Lemmy, pulling out his own dagger. The two circled each other, and then lunged at the same moment. Both were exhausted from the battle, and though Lemmy had used a Return Pipe to get to Rogueport and had been ferried back to the fields by Kamek and his broom, Ludwig's death had left him drained. But as he matched Daisy's strikes, he remembered how it was her who had betrayed Ludwig; she had alienated him from Lemmy and then condemned him to death. It was her fault Ludwig, Junior, Wendy, Kammy, the Hammer Bros., Toad, Toadette, Luigi, and countless others were dead. If Larry and Iggy had been the only troublemakers, the whole mess would've blown over, Lemmy just _knew_ it would have. He hated Daisy. She deserved to die. She had to die – it was the only way the killing could come to an end.

Finally, Lemmy's sword hit its mark, and like Toadsworth, Daisy fell to the ground in an explosion of blood. The cut was deep, and Lemmy was a little surprised that Daisy's intestines didn't follow the blood as it drained out of her belly.

"Daisy!" cried Larry, rushing forwards and lifting his love's head from the dirt.

Her moth was open in shock as her eyes made their way up to Larry's. "I- I can't believe this… I'm- I'm d-d-"

Larry shook his head. "N- no! Don't say that!"

Standing above them, Lemmy couldn't help but remember when he was in Larry's position, clutching to the hand of his beloved brother as he slowly slipped away. "I'm sorry-"

"You murderer!" snarled Larry, gingerly laying Daisy's head back on the ground as he stood to face Lemmy. "I'll kill you!"

"No you won't," said Roy sternly, walking forwards. "She signed on for dis. Besides, if you lot hadn't been plotting ta kill da rest o' us, she wouldn't be dyin' now would she?"

"You set her up!" cried Larry. "You bastard, you knew this would happen! You had no right-"

"Actually, I do. You're under arrest, Larry, for high treason."

"What?"

Roy pulled out the letter Lemmy had given him earlier. "'_My dearest Daisy, I beseech you to help me plan Roy's demise._' – sound familiar?"

Larry felt dizzy. Daisy was dying and he was under arrest – soon they would find out he was the one who poisoned Iggy… "No, it doesn't."

"Liar," growled Roy.

"I'm gonna go check on Iggy – he'll want to know how the battle ended," said Larry hastily, turning and running from the clearing.

"Coward," sighed Daisy, closing her eyes.

"Rurururu!" chuckled Fawful from the sidelines. "This is more interesting than a show of television that is all about sandwiches, and that is produced by a woman who has a man-beard and can twist herself into a pretzel like a person in a carnival of the side-roads!"

"You there, go after him! Make sure he doesn't get away!" ordered Roy.

"But this is being the salt of interest on the pretzel of-"

"GO!" roared Roy.

"Fining!" spat Fawful, engaging his headgear and flying after Larry, muttering darkly to himself.

"Larry was lying… We _were_ planning to kill you… all three of us… And what you said before… it's true too… I would've done away with Iggy or Larry just as quickly once you were gone… depending on which one was worse… in bed…" Daisy winced as the pain rolled over her.

"You're sick," growled Lemmy.

"Please… can you at least tell me who you are?" moaned Daisy, looking plaintively up at Lemmy. "I gotta know who beat me."

"You're first victim, that's who," said Lemmy, pulling off his helmet. Daisy's eyes widened in shock and Roy gasped.

"Lemmy! Man, I neva woulda tought you had da balls ta kill someone."

"I killed Toadsworth too," he mumbled.

"You did dat? Man, You've earned my respect, brodda!"

"Yeah," grinned Daisy. "I thought you were just a wuss…"

Just then Petey Piranha returned to the clearing. "Iggy's dead! The doctor said it was poison."

"_Poison_?" said Roy.

"Yeah, it was in his canteen."

"Must've been Larry," said Daisy with a sadistic smile. "I had him and Iggy at each other's throats – vying for my love."

"Yeah, we noticed," snorted Roy.

"What love?" said Lemmy bitterly.

"Guessing what!" cackled Fawful, reappearing over the tent-tops. "Larry is being dead!"

"Larry's dead too? How?" demanded Roy.

"'Tooing'? Who else is being dead? Her?"

"Nope," said Daisy, her eyes still closed peacefully.

"_How_, Bean-boy?"

"He had the stabbing of himself," said Fawful, holding up a bloody knife. "Like a character in a play written by the Guy who Shakes Spears."

Daisy laughed. "Looks like we'll all be together after all… _In Hell_."

"Got that right," spat Lemmy. "And you know what? You deserve it! After everything you've done – after everyone you've killed!"

Daisy sighed. "You're right… and I guess Peach was right too: being evil _doesn't_ pay… Heh heh h- shit!"

"What?" asked the assembled crowd as Daisy's eyes flew open mid-chuckle.

"I told Wario to kill her! And Bowser too!"

"What?" repeated the group.

"You're telling us _now_?" moaned Lemmy.

"Hey, I could've **not** told you _at all_," snarled Daisy. "In fact, I dunno why I even told you period-"

"Someone go to the Koopa Cruiser!" bellowed Roy. "You, Fart-full, or whatever your name is, you're the fastest, go!"

"Grrr! I am not liking being ordered around by this Fink-Rat Pink! I HAVE FURY!"

"Fine, but have your fury as you GET GOING!" screamed Roy.

"FINK RAT!" shrieked Fawful as he turned around and flew back the way he came. Before he left, he dropped Larry's dagger, which landed unheeded in the corner.

"It's too late," said Daisy icily. Her breathing had become erratic and she could barely choke out the words, but choke them she did. "He won't make it."

"You just told us to tease us, then?" hissed Lemmy.

"Yep," sneered Daisy, winking at the Koopaling, as she heaved her last breath. Lemmy felt like throttling her, but it didn't matter: Daisy died before he could make a move.

There was a bit of a disturbance nearby, and only when it was clear that Daisy had stopped breathing did Roy rip his eyes away from her body, just in time to see Kamek fly overhead, pursued by a flock of Chickens and Lakitu. "What the-?"

"That's Kamek!" cried Lemmy.

"Kamek? Yo! Lay off!" at Roy's command, the pursuers halted in mid air as Kamek turned and dived into the clearing. Roy turned to Petey. "For that matter, go spread the word that there's been a change of leadership, and that the soldiers won't attack any more of our 'enemies' that might turn up, okay?"

Petey nodded and flew off, but Kamek shook his head. "That's not necessary – Lemmy and I are the only ones left."

"What about Kammy?"

"Dead."

"Luddy?"

"Dead," said Kamek, sparing Lemmy the task of communicating the news.

"Oh, that sucks, man. Lemmy, I'm sorry," Roy knew how much Ludwig had meant to Lemmy. Coming from Roy, 'I'm sorry' meant a lot.

Lemmy merely nodded his acknowledgement.

"So… What happened here?" asked Kamek, eyeing Daisy's bloody corpse.

Roy opened his mouth to explain, but something beyond Daisy caught his attention. "Uh, oh," he breathed.

"Howl, howl, howl!" wailed Bowser, stumbling into the clearing with Peach in his arms. "You monsters! She's gone forever! She's dead!"

"No," gasped Kamek, rushing to Bowser's side. "Your Grievedness, I-"

"Get away from me! Now's not the time for rock and roll!"

"Bowser, I-"

"Leave me be!"

"King Dad, it's Kamek! Don't you recognize him?" said Lemmy, hanging back beside Roy.

"Everyone asks if I recognize someone or other!" cried Bowser. "But what does it matter? All I recognize is that my Peach is dead! Oh, Peach! I'm so sorry! So, so sorry! I tried to save you! I killed the monster – Wario – that was hanging you. And Waluigi too!"

"It's true, he did," grinned King Boo, who had followed Bowser back to the clearing.

"Piss off," snapped Kamek, who did not appreciate King Boo's chipper mood.

The ghosts stuck out his tongue – to him, deaths were like births, and he had a reason to be happy. But the cloud cover wasn't so great, and he was perfectly fine with disappearing and taking his business elsewhere before the sun came out, so he took Kamek's cue and disappeared.

"You _are_ Kamek," said Bowser, grinning through the tears he didn't bother trying to hold back as he grieved for Peach. "I never knew you could play guitar."

"I was a wild child, Your Bereavedness."

"Pa, if it's any consolation, the one who ordered Peach's murder is dead," said Roy, indicating towards Daisy. "Iggy and Larry are dead too, and I'm resigning my position as Lord of Dark Land. You've never stopped being the King, but the land that was taken from you is now yours again." True, Bowser had technically _given_ away the lands, but Roy knew now wasn't the time to be brutally honest.

"That's all well and dandy, but that doesn't change the fact that Peach is dead! And Kammy's dead! No, no, no life! Why should scum like- like- Mario still breathe when your sweet breath will come no more, Peach! It will never come, never, never, never, never, never." As he spoke, Bowser crumpled to his knees, and then lay Peach tenderly on the ground. "Oh, my Peach! My love!"

Just then the sun burst from behind the clouds. The light made it look like colour had returned to Peach's face, and the rays sparked on a sliver of cornea that the slackened eyelids did not cover. Bowser gasped, in his delirium, he thought there was still life in his beloved Peach. "Do you see that! Look! Look! Her lips! Her eyes! The Stars! Oh, thank the Stars! My love!"

Suddenly, without warning, Bowser's energy ran out, and he fell to the ground beside Peach.

"King Dad!"

"Pa!"

"Bowser!" But even as Kamek reached out to support the King, his body burst into dust which fell to the ground. "No," he gasped in shock as a mocking wind blew stray grains of the Koopa King across the clearing. Some of it caught in Peach's otherwise perfect hair.

Lemmy and Roy stood above Peach and the dust, having rushed forward when Bowser fell. "He's… gone… Just like Ludwig, just like everyone!" whimpered Lemmy in despair.

"If only I had put my foot down soona…" Roy clenched his fist. "Lemmy, you should be in charge now. You and Kamek."

"What?" gasped Lemmy. "But what about you, you're a great leader!"

"No, I'm a terrible leader – if I was half the despot King Dad was, I would neva had let dis happen."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," said Kamek. His tired voice betrayed his true age as he looked up at the Koopalings. "And I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have much time myself. I'm old… And my recent over-usage of Youth Potion has pretty much robbed me of any grace period I might have had otherwise. I only wish I could have served His Deceasedness better, but I'll be with him shortly…"

"If anyone's a failure, it's me," said Lemmy. "I should've known Daisy was responsible from the beginning. I should've told Ludwig what was going on, but instead I ran like a coward."

"Hey, you're no coward, Lems," said Roy, thumping Lemmy on the back of his shell. "And besides, ya got 'er in da end!"

"A fat lotta good _that_ did anyone," snorted Lemmy.

"It stopped Daisy from winnin'. Dat's gotta count for somtin' don' it?"

"You did your best," said Kamek, before looking back down at Peach with a sigh. "We all did."

The group fell silent. Lemmy reached back into his shell and pulled out Ludwig's headband. The fabric was stained black by the blood of a dead Dragon-Koopa, as was the blade of the knife that was lying in the dirt at Peach's feet, still sitting where Fawful had dropped it. The marks were indistinguishable – in death, good and evil didn't matter anymore. Lemmy realized then that he had no choice: he was alive when so many others had died, and it was his duty to take that and make it count. "I'll do it," he said, staring down at the lifeless rag in his hands. "I'll never be as great as King Dad or Ludwig, but I won't give up – I won't let them down. Together we'll fix this mess. We'll make sure something like this will never happen again!"

From atop one of the nearby tents, Fawful snorted. "Pah! What an ending of wussyness. It is anticlimactic as the valley between mountains of tallness! When I had the seeing of Bowser carrying the corpse of Peach, I had the thinking 'this is going to have goodness – like the goodness of brownies that are fresh-baked', but no! This is being bad, like sprouts of Brussels or medicine that has the flavour of artificial bananas! Grrr! I HAVE FURY!"

The End


End file.
